


Sexual Psychology 101

by AgentBarnes616



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, BDSM, Dark Past, Dom!Steve, Dom/sub, Dom/sub Play, F/M, Flashbacks, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Military Backstory, Multi, Partner Swapping, Past Abuse, Past Non-Con, Past Relationship(s), Past Violence, Piercings, Praise Kink, Punk!Steve, Sub!Bucky, Tattoo, Tattoo Kink, Vet!bucky, Violence, abuse of power over a subordinate, dom!Natasha, mentions of past non-con/rape, piercing kink, punk!natasha, sub!clint, switch!sam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-03-29 03:40:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 53,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3880906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentBarnes616/pseuds/AgentBarnes616
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky had a rough time readjusting to being back in America after three tours in the Middle East, at the encouragement of his therapist, he's gone back to school to pursuit a degree in Photo Journalism. To fulfill one of his requirements, Bucky takes a Sexual Psychology class. Enter one Steve Rogers. 6'2" of glorious muscle, blond undercut hair with blood red tips, and a pierced lip, blue eyes ringed with kohl and a smile that makes Bucky's knees weak. They're paired together based on the first essay that they wrote for the course for their final project.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Assignment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is for Petite-Madame. She is absolutely wonderful, and I adore her and her art. This story is my 'get well soon' for her as she continues to go through some stuffs.

Bucky made a point to sit at the back of the classroom. Always. The one time he’d sat at the front of the room, just to try it out? He’d nearly had a panic attack. There was something about having that many sets of eyes on him? Behind him? That freaked him out, especially after returning home from the Sand Box. No he was much more comfortable at the back of the classroom where he could watch everyone else. Plus he didn't like the side eyed looks he’d get from people. Even at his full height of 5’11” and a glare that would make most people’s eyes widen, there were still looks of concern, curiosity and disgust from his shoulder length hair, that sometimes made it into a bun, and an overly worn hoodie that probably needed to be retired, replaced or both. Didn't matter if it was clean, apparently there were far too many holes in it for this fine college, which was ironic considering some of the outfits that Bucky had seen returning back to the states had far more holes in it than his sweatshirt. Plus Bucky didn't want anyone seeing or commenting on the state of his left arm. 

Bucky didn’t talk much to people either. He didn’t have a lot friends, or people he particularly talked to regularly either. There were people he knew would give him notes from the previous class if he’d missed it, but that’s as far as his ‘friendship’ went with many of the people he encountered day to day in his classes. He ended up doing the majority of the work on group projects, which many of his group mates adored, and kept to himself. He kept his head down and slowly reminded himself that in order to keep his GI bill he just needed to complete the courses and move on. As much as his therapist encourage him to cultivate friends, he found it really hard to find that balance that wouldn't just end up pushing people away and leaving him in a worse off state than what he’d be before meeting them.

If Bucky was really being honest with himself, he led a double life. He had the persona that people saw here, reserved, cut off, shy and book-nerdish, constantly scribbling stories into a notebook, and then there was his alter-ego. The side of him that could pick out a threat in second, assess whether someone had intent to do something, the side that flirted with danger as easy as breathing and had landed him a lot of tail, both male and female, back before his accident. There was a part of him that craved to be that person again, to get back to a place where he could trust being himself again, letting himself be carefree and get the attention and touches that he craved. There was a side to him that longed to be safe, held, worshiped, and if he was being honest told what to do. 

Bucky was pulled out of his thoughts by a collective groan that rang out through the lecture hall. He lifted his gaze to find Professor Fury looking towards the back of the class, his brown eye zeroing in on Bucky’s row. Bucky shifted in his seat a little, readjusting the grip he had on his pen, his left hand flexing on the desk. 

“I have received many emails over the last two days asking what your final project was going to be, as it has said TBD on your syllabus, I’m here to put your minds at ease.” The sarcasm dripped from Fury’s voice as he looked around the room, before finally stopping once again on Bucky’s row. “You will be completing a TEAM,” groans once again sounded throughout the room, “essay and project. I will assign your partner to you at the end of the week, and you will have until the following class to make a compelling argument to change your partner if necessary. From that point you will have the remaining ten weeks of this course to research, compile information and thoroughly learn about a subject before presenting it to the class with a very detail oriented presentation. This is not a class where the minimum will get you by. You will need the next ten weeks. This is also the last week to drop with a W. If you wish to leave this class do so now, I’m sure there are a few of you in here hoping to get add numbers still.”

The room shifted with movement and only one girl stood and exchanged a few words quietly with Fury before leaving the room. 

“Is that everyone? Alright then.” Fury turned and tapped the button on the top of the projector and busied himself with lesson preparations. 

Bucky groaned inwardly, sinking down into his seat as he contemplated working that closely with one of his classmates for ten weeks. Ten fucking weeks. He looked around the classroom, trying to imagine if there was even one person in this room he could fathom spending that much time with so closely, and as he looked around he could feel the signs of a panic attack starting to tighten his chest. His brain continuously started supplying reason after reason as to why he couldn't possibly working with them in such close quarters for such a long period of time. Bucky closed his eyes and counted to ten, trying to remind himself that he could work with others and had been doing so for the last eight years of his life in way worse conditions than this. One project wasn't going to get the best of him.

A few rows down from Bucky another student sat up a little straighter after the announcement. Pushing his long red tipped blond bangs out of his face, Steve Rogers nibbled on his lip drawing his lip ring into his mouth. He had thought this class was going to be another dull psychology class; even with the emphasis that it was sexual psychology, but Professor Fury was living up to the talk of his class. Steve was excited at the opportunity to be able to work closely with another student. He and Natasha had a little reputation around the campus and he made no effort to correct anyone. He’d been called everything from a stud, to a player to a god in the bedroom. It didn't faze him, and if some of the stories of his sexual exploits were a little over exaggerated, who was he to correct them? Steve turned slightly to lock eyes with Natasha, who raised her eyebrow in amusement. She brushed a few wayward locks from the shaved side of her head and smirked before flicking her pen onto her desk. Steve returned the smirk and turned to look around the room. This class truly boasted a wide range of people. From hippies, to Goths, frat boys and cheerleaders everyone in the class was easy for Steve to read and thus bored him almost instantly. His eyes finally fell on the hooded figure up on his left. Steve had never heard him talk other than when he was being spoken to or answering a direct question from Fury. 

His eyes were sharp, but there was something there that Steve could tell he was holding back. He couldn't get a read on him and that wasn't something Steve was used to. Steve sucked his lip ring back into his mouth and squinted a little harder at the man behind him trying to get a little better idea on him. From the small amount Steve had seen him around campus, the other man had always kept to himself.

Steve watched as grey eyes surveyed the room, pen moving quickly across the pad in front of him, before stilling as their eyes met.

Bucky’s eyes narrowed a little with curiously before dropping back down to his desk, shaking his head a little to bring his bangs down to obscure line of site to his face. 

“Well that was interesting.” Steve thought to himself. 

Steve was roused from his thoughts as Natasha put her arm around his middle and pulled on him a little. “Your eyes are wandering Rogers, what’s a girl suppose to think.” Her voice was light and teasing and Steve knew she was checking out where Steve’s eyes had been. She hummed a little before standing. The classroom was a wave of movement as everyone packed up their bags. “This is going to be interesting. I don’t know if there’s anyone in here who isn't intimidated by me or looks at me like I’m a tasty piece of ass. Although the later may be fun to correct them on.” Natasha’s eyes glinted with mischief as Steve looked up and smirked at her.

“Don’t break anyone Tasha, we do still have to pass the class.” Steve turned back around and watched as the hooded man packed up his belongings.

“Steve did I loose you again?” Natasha asked, running her fingers against the grain of the shaved sides of his head.

Steve hummed as Natasha’s nails moved against his head, slowly dragging the longer parts away from his face. “I wondered if you’d noticed him. He is the most reserved in class.”  
“Noticed did you?” Steve replied smoothly as he stood and gathered his bag.

“Are you going to say something to him? Or just eye fuck him for the rest of the semester and see if you can get that blush even more pronounced on his face.” 

Steve rolled his eyes, but smiled all the same, the other man had blushed a little before his shook his hair in front of his face.

“Barnes.”

Steve blinked as the man in the hood pretty much snapped to attention, before turning to look at Fury who was regarding Barnes. 

Bucky felt frozen in his spot and slowly counted to ten to calm his heart rate, “Yes sir?”

“I want to talk to you about your last essay, do you have time to stay behind?”

Bucky flexed his grip on his shoulder strap before walking towards the front of the room. “Of course sir.”

Steve watched transfixed as Bucky moved. There was a grace to him to spoke louder than the standoff waves the man exuded. An edge of danger that Steve wanted to explore.  
Fury leaned on the edge of his desk before pulling two different essays towards him. “Since I seem to have gained your attention too Rogers, you’re next on my list of needing to talk to. Park it. Romanov if you’re staying park it too.”

Both Steve and Natasha slid back into their seats as Bucky readjusted his footing and tilted his head up to look at Fury. Gone was the man who shrank away from conversation and standing in his place was someone with confidence and strength. Steve’s mouth went a little dry at the thought.

Fury was silent for a moment before holding up the graded document. “Sadomasochism?” 

“Sir?” Bucky tentatively reached out for his essay.

Fury pulled the paper back. “Given your work here,” Fury grabbed the other paper next to him, “and Rogers work here, I figured I would inform both of you now that you will be working together for your term project.”

Steve stood up as Fury glanced over at him. “Really?” Steve couldn’t keep the smile out of his voice. 

Bucky had tightened his grip even further on his bag, his knuckles going white as he tried to remember the coping techniques Logan had taught him at their last session. He was still not prepared for this.

“Sadomasochism meet Bondage/Dominance.” Fury crossed his arms and handed Bucky his essay. Bucky widened his stance as he felt someone come up on his right and was very grateful for the hood he had on as another arm came into his peripheral. It kept eye contact to only Fury.

“So nothing wrong with the essay?” Bucky asked once he was able to breathe again. He really needed some air, and a minute to process the Adonis he was being partnered with.  
Fury shook his head. “No, as a matter of fact, it was very informed and extremely well written. I would encourage you to hold on to it as your complete your Bachelors, and possibly rework it if you ever work towards a Masters.”

Bucky nodded as he felt Rogers shift a little closer. “Professor if it’s alright with you, and of course alright with Barnes, I would like an opportunity to read his essay? So I can get a little more acquainted with his though process and how he organizes his information.”

Fury leaned back onto his desk and crossed his arms nodding a little. “That’s a nice idea Rogers. Especially since you two will be working together for the duration of the semester. Do you have any issues with him taking your essay?”

Bucky bit into his bottom lip and shook his head, turning slightly so that he was facing mostly towards Rogers. He extended his arm holding the paper (thankfully his right) to Rogers. “Not a problem.” Bucky resolutely ignored the flood of heat that rushed into his face as Rogers hand brushed against his. 

“Can I get your number too?” Roger’s voice was soft and a little on the teasing side, and Bucky’s eyes snapped up to his. Holy fuck they were blue.

“Um, what?” Bucky gracelessly answered.

“Your number? So I can call you once I’m done reading?” Steve offered a warm smile, and Bucky blinked feeling his cheeks heat up once again. He gave one sharp nod before turning back to Fury.

“Is that all sir?” Bucky whispered, ignoring the squint of a look Fury shot his way.

“You’re dismissed.” Fury turned and started packing up his materials.

‘Don’t panic. Don’t panic.’ Bucky thought to himself as he readjusted his backpack. He turned and ignored the red head that arched her eyebrow at him as he left the classroom. Once he passed through the doors, Bucky pushed his hood off and ran his fingers through his hair. He quickly grabbed the majority of it and threw it up into a small tight bun at the top of his head. 

“You really don’t like people do you?” Rogers asked from his seven and Bucky turned around quickly.

“Excuse me?”

“People? You don’t really talk much in class and you never socialize with anyone outside of it.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “Are you watching me or something?”

Natasha put her hand on Steve’s bicep, “Would you like for him to be watching you?”

Bucky could feel the blush travel down past the neckline of his hoody. “No..it’s..um..”

“Maybe it’s something else.” Steve tilted his head to the side, once again much to Bucky’s dismay drawing his lip ring into his mouth. Bucky’s gaze flicked over to the redhead and noticed she sported the same piercing just on the opposite side of her face, as well as several other piercings adorning both ears. Bucky wondered what else Steve had pierced and his eyes slowly started to wander.

Natasha’s small laugh brought him back to himself and Bucky refixed his glare at the two of them. 

“I bet this paper will explain some of you.” Steve said, bringing his bag forward to tuck the mentioned item away.

“What?” Bucky tilted his head. “It’s just a paper.”

“Uh-huh.” Steve’s tongue flicked out and Bucky watched as he whet his lips, catching site of silver, before straightening back up. So his tongue was pierced too. He caught Natasha’s gaze and watched as a wicked smirk spread across her face. He was so fucked.

“Have my paper read by tomorrow night, and then we can go over a few things before Wednesday’s class.”

“Project doesn’t start until Friday.” Bucky deadpanned.

Steve’s smile was mischievous, and Bucky mentally cursed himself. “Don’t let the metal or hair dye fool you baby doll, I plan on getting an A on this project. You’re going to do everything necessary to ensure we get one.”

Bucky’s gaze hardened and he crossed his arms. “I’m not going to write the fucking paper for you. I don’t know what else you’ve heard from anyone else I’ve worked with…”  
“So you do play with others?” Natasha purred, biting her lower lip. 

“Our A is going to have nothing to do with who writes the paper Barnes, I’m talking about the research necessary to get it. The leg work too.” Steve winked, and Bucky resolutely ignored the flip in his stomach.

“So you’ve already got plans on what you want it to be on?” Bucky was proud that his voice came out calm, and watched as Steve slung his arm over Natasha’s shoulders.

“Tomorrow okay? I can already tell that you and I are going to have some fun with this.” Steve smiled again, and Natasha winked at him before the two of them walked off.  
Bucky stood rooted to the spot trying to sort out what just happened, and absolutely did not jump three feet into the air when someone touched his left elbow. It took all the strength he had not to put the person on the floor, and glanced down at the iron grip and the awkward angle he now had Steve’s wrist in, and watched as Steve’s eyes widened at the strength of his grip.

“Right, never sneak up on you.” Steve smiled a little as he tried to pull his wrist back, wincing a little.

Bucky dropped Steve’s wrist like he’d been burned and stepped back. “Sorry.”

“Naw man it’s cool. I know I’m large but I’m really light on my feet, like a cat.”

Bucky nodded, “I…yeah.”

“My phone number, since you know, you didn’t give me yours.” Back was Steve’s carefree smile, and Bucky really could get lost in the color of the other man’s eyes. “And call me Steve. Rogers is what my drill instructor called me and the grunts after that.”

Bucky’s eyes widened. “You served?”

“Reserves.” Steve smiled a little sheepishly. “I went on a peace keeping mission once, but literally never saw anything but the airport. I just ended up training a bunch of ROTC kids.”

“You’re lucky.” Bucky whispered out.

Steve’s smile gets a little sad before he straightens back up. “Anyway! I have unlimited text messages. So feel free to text whenever.”

Bucky nods a little slowly. “Okay.”

“See ya around Buck.” And Bucky doesn’t mind the way Buck falls softly out of Steve’s mouth or the fact that the blonds eyes seem to be tracking his mouth. Bucky’s breath catches as his jeans start to become a little tighter than he’d like, and takes a step back. Oh fuck not here seriously not now.

“I’ve uh, gotta go.” Bucky supplies quickly clearing his throat. Bucky lets his back pack drop slowly from his shoulder down to his forearm as he steps back, hopefully covering his waist. “I’ll see you tomorrow Steve.”

Steve fought the urge to smirk. “Sure thing Buck. I’ve got Pryde from 8-10 tomorrow morning over in the art building. Meet me outside of 3618.” Steve paused for a moment, waiting for Bucky to confirm or deny the meeting, but the smaller man just shifted his footing, his eye contact dropping. “Bring coffee. I always need one after that class.”  
Bucky took a deep breath in threw his nose. “S-sure.”

“Have a good night Buck.”

And with that Steve jogged away to meet up with Natasha and Bucky stood wondering what the fuck he’d just agreed to.


	2. Temptation

During one of his many sessions with Logan it was brought to Bucky's attention that he let his imagination run and it tended to get the better of him. He tended to either over analyze, or over hype a situation way more than necessary, and while in the heat of combat that could mean making it out alive, or ending up in a box on the next plane home, back home in the US it wasn't helping with the acclimation back into being a civilian. Bucky made his way to the closest bathroom, and shut himself inside one of the stalls, catching his breath and willing the tightness in his jeans to go away, and his heart to stop racing. 

They had tried an anxiety medication the first six months after being home to try and help him balance out everything going on around him, but Bucky hated feeling like a passenger in his own body, and stopped taking them. Instead he looked into more eastern medicinal remedies like therapeutic grade oils and meditation. Bucky pulled his bag back up into his lap and unzipped the smallest pocket reaching for the bottle of vetiver inside. Unscrewing the bottle, he tipped it upside down and gently tapped the bottom until one drop landed on his finger. He quickly rubbed the oil up the back of his neck, before rubbing his hands together to smear the rest of the oil around. Bucky cupped his hands and took a deep breath, letting the woody smell of the oil over take his senses for a moment before reopening his eyes. His heart wasn’t racing anymore and the tightness in his jeans had decreased enough it wasn’t borderline uncomfortable anymore, and even though he did still need to hit the library today, Bucky decided that it could wait till tomorrow and that he really just wanted to go back to his dorm room. 

As he walked back to his dorm, images of Steve biting his lip, and the flash of silver that he saw in the other man’s mouth danced along his imagination, and progressively took on a mind of their own. By the time he reached the common room of his dorm building, he had a full on story buzzing in his mind. Not wanting to waste time on waiting for the elevator, Bucky ran up seven flights of stairs, and hastily pulled his keys off of his belt. He dropped them as he shook them out trying to get the key to his door and groaned. He finally got his key into the lock and shoved the door forward.

Bucky was one of the luckier people at the university, having played the room lotto just right and snagging one of the only single dorms on this side of campus. (He didn’t want to believe it was because of how often his roommate complained the previous year because of his nightmares thank you very much.) The room was a tad larger than the others in the building, giving off the feel of a large studio apartment instead of a cramped dorm room. He didn’t have to share his space with anyone. No one needed to give him worried looks in the morning when he woke up screaming from a nightmare. No need to put up false pretenses, or pretend there were days when his depression got the better of him and he just didn’t give a fuck if there were several piles of laundry laying on the floor, but on the flip side, that also meant that a roommate didn’t have to deal with him compulsively cleaning the room at 0300 anymore either. 

Bucky dropped his back pack just inside the door before kicking his door shut and pulling his hoodie off. He straightened his shirt back down his torso and poked the screen to his computer. The touchscreen lit up, also turning on the additional monitor he had plugged into it. He pulled the chair out from the desk, sitting down and softly tapping his fingers across the key for noise as his computer booted, and finally opened word. He tapped on his screen and brought up Pandora, switching it to the DVBBS station and turning it up slightly.

Bucky’s fingers flew across the keyboard as he got the story buzzing around his head out onto virtual paper. It was one thing that his therapist had really recommended for him in the beginning of his integration back to being a civilian. He’d found it hard to get the words out of his mouth, and just ended up becoming frustrated and shutting down. Now he had a way of dealing with all of the things buzzing around in his head, that didn’t involve punching something.

He was several pages into the story when he pulled his fingers back abruptly. Bucky blinked at the cursor on the page, before glaring at the document. He pulled his fingers down across the screen bringing the top of the document into view and slowly started to read what he’d spent the last two hours writing. 

Bucky groaned as he continued reading, scrubbing a hand down his face. 

“FUCK.” 

Bucky closed the document without saving, realizing that everything he’d just written was a play on what had happened today during class, accept with the added bonus of a lot of gratuitous sex. Frustrated with himself, Bucky pushes the writing assignment he was supposed to be doing across the desk and glared at his screen for a moment.

He pushed away from his desk, turning his music up a bit more before standing and going over to his back pack. Bucky snatched it and turned to flop down onto his bed. He pulled on the zipper, and reached inside once it’s open enough to pull out Steve’s paper. Bucky sighs softly before flipping the cover page back and began to read.

\-------------

Steve lifted his gaze from the sketch book he had in his lap, and watched as his phone buzzed across the small bed side table he had. The screen was lit up with a photo of Natasha, and Steve reached towards his phone.

“What’s up Nat?” Steve readjusted the sketch book in his lap, balancing the phone between his shoulder and ear.

“I need you here.” Natasha said loudly over the pulsing music behind her. Steve hummed a little, encouraging her to elaborate. “What the fuck are you doing right now anyway that you’re not already here?

“I’m kinda busy…” Steve murmured, finger running through the charcoal on his page.

“Steve…” Natasha’s voice dropped a little, in what Steve knew was a whine from her. “I need you here Steve. I need you to back me up. He’s practically got Sam and Clint hanging off of him, and I know how much Tony wants you.”

Huffing out a small laugh Steve dropped his pencil into his lap with a small shake of his head. Natasha growled at him through the phone. “Steven.”

“How are you not able to put Stark on his ass? Isn’t that what you did last time when he played with one of your boys? Where’s Pepper? Or Rhodey?”

Natasha was silent for a moment, before there was a hum of amusement. “What if I could make you coming here worth it?”

“Walking my ass all the way back across campus? I’m comfy Nat. It’s no pants time.” Steve replied back in as petulant of a tone as he could manage while already starting to put his supplies away, he was chewing on his lip ring as he waited for Natasha to answer.

“Bring your bike.” Natasha murmured out, the music suddenly becoming nothing but muffled noise.

Steve brushed his hair back, finger catching slightly on his industrial before shaking his head. “What is it Natasha, just spit it out.”

“Your new toy just walked through the door.” Natasha purred into the phone.

“What? Natasha that’s not funny.” Steve huffed out a sigh as he pulled his pants back on before leaning up against the wall to put his converse on.

“Okay, I know. I’m teasing you. But yes, Bucky just walked into Tony’s apartment.”

The phone went dead in his hand, and Steve pulled it slowly away from his ear. He twisted his foot on the ground a bit to settle the back of the shoe before walking over to his bathroom. Steve flicked the light on and leaned in towards the mirror. Tilting his face back and forth a little, Steve decided to leave the 5’oclock shadow, and grabbed some of his layrite pomade quickly working it back through his hair to give it a messy tossed look. He quickly washes his hands off, reaching for the eyeliner next and expertly smudging it around his eyes, that made them look a darker shade of blue than they actually were. Satisfied with the state of the make up on his face, Steve reached down and pulled his plain black t-shirt over his head dropping it onto the floor, mussing his hair a little further, before walking over to a basket of clean clothing. He pushed a few shirts aside before finally settling on one of his more worn Dead Kennedys shirt and pulling that on. Walking back into the bathroom, Steve looked at himself in the mirror one more time, running a hand across the buzzed side of his head before hitting the light switch and walking back out into his room.

Steve grabbed his wallet and his jacket before flipping the lights off in his room. Grabbing the keys out of the basket by the door, Steve made quick work of locking his room before jogging down the hall way towards the elevator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick update before I leave town for a bit this weekend. Thank you so much for the encouragement and kudos you've left already y'all. :] I appreciate it, and it's a large confidence boost in posting this.


	3. Il Est La Vie

Natasha cornered Steve the moment he walked through the door to Tony’s dorm. The music wasn’t loud enough to drown out several of the moans from various couples around the rooms, several of them minus clothing and moving on to other things.

“Distract him.” Natasha hissed, pointing at where Clint and Tony were currently draped over one another. 

“I thought he wasn't after both of them anymore?” Steve murmured, slowly starting to look around the room. “Did you and Clint have an argument or something?”

“Apparently he’s picked one to go after anyway.” Natasha hissed, smacking Steve’s arm a little, ignoring the question.

“You have Sam?” 

Natasha nodded. Steve smiled a little before walking around Natasha and straight towards the couch that Clint had just pulled Tony down onto.

“Long time no see Stark.” Steve said, flashing one of his best smiles towards the pair.

“Ste-“ Tony was cut off as Clint claimed his mouth, and the other man’s eyes closed as Clint nipped his lip.

Steve shook his head, knowing this was Clint looking for attention, punishment or both. Heck, if Sam was involved in this little charade, Steve had an idea of what Natasha might do as a punishment later. Steve reached towards them, and smoothed his hand down the front of Clint’s chest. “Mind if I cut in Clint?” Steve purred as he pulled the smaller man back, pressing his chest against Clint’s back.

Clint groaned, but pulled back away from Tony nonetheless. “When’d you get here Steve?”

“Natasha called me about something. Oh shit, can you go find her? I remember what it was.” Steve straightened up and turned Clint towards the last place he’d seen his best friend. “In the kitchen maybe?”

Steve turned his attention back down to Tony as Clint’s hand brushed against his side as he walked away.

“Now I see you play so nicely with all of your house guests, it makes me sad, thought I was special.”

Tony smirked and leaned forward to run his hands up the outside of Steve’s leg. “Always aim to be a good host. I didn’t think you were making it tonight.”

Steve leaned down, putting one knee next to Tony’s thigh as he crowded the other man’s space, one hand threaded back through Tony’s hair and tightened slowly.

A soft moan escaped from Tony’s mouth as he leaned his head back and bared his throat to Steve. “I’m all yours if you want me.” Tony husked out.

Steve hummed as he dragged his nose up the side of Tony’s face, pausing to flick his tongue against the shell of Tony’s ear. “Not tonight…I’ve got my eye on someone else.”

Tony whimpered slightly, as Steve tugged on his hair a little. “Anyone I know?”

A smirk pulled at Steve’s mouth as he moved slightly so that his lips hovered over Tony’s. The smaller man panted against his mouth, arching into Steve’s grip, “I don’t think you or Pepper have had him if that’s what you’re asking. So I don't know if you know him.” Steve released Tony’s hair but kept his head cradled. 

Tony pulled back with a mock gasp, bringing his hand up to Steve’s chest. “Where the fuck is he! This is unacceptable.”

Steve pushed Tony back onto the couch and nipped at his bottom lip. “Uh-uh Tony. He’s mine. He’s fresh, and in so many ways I’m going to make him completely mine.”

Tony laughed a little, fingers tightening against Steve’s hips. Tony licked a small stripe up Steve’s neck, rubbing his cheek against Steve’s so that he could whisper in the other man’s ear. “You get too possessive sometimes. It’s really a turn on.” Tony leaned his head back and smirked at Steve. “Although, if I keep you entertained.”

Steve shook his head with a smile and pushed back off of the couch out of Tony’s reach. “Nice try Stark. I know Pepper is around here somewhere. Have to save him from one of y’alls corruptive influences.”

Tony laughed, his hands falling down into his lap. “Now where would the fun be in that? Besides, you know no one else throws a party like Pep and I do. We’re generous.”  
“Mmm with more than each other.” Steve replies with a wink.

“Among other things.” Tony returns the wink and then heaves dramatically. “Now go. I don’t think my heart can take being turned down twice in one night.” And just for the added effect, Tony leans his head back and moans like he’s distraught.

“I’m quite sure you’ll live Tony.” Steve says running his hands up Tony’s jeans, stopping just shy of the very clear outline of the other man’s dick. “I’m sure if you ask Pepper nicely, she’ll let you find someone to fill you up, if she doesn’t take the opportunity herself.” Steve winks again, before turning and walking away from Tony and the blush working its way across the genius’ face.

Steve turned and walked around one of the couples in a less than modest position. The blonde’s hand was currently buried in that of his brunette partners hair, seemingly pulling him closer yet keeping him still, eyes squeezed shut in obvious pleasure, if the moans from both of them was anything to go by. 

He spotted Clint, Natasha and Sam all huddled together in a corner, both men touching her softly as she speaks with them. Sam has his hand on her stomach while, Clint had one on her thigh, but both men were flushed and Steve watched as Natasha ran a hand across both of their heads and down to the napes of their necks, and both men melted under her touch. Steve shook his head with a small laugh and made his way to the kitchen.

The kitchen is no less full than the living room was. There’s a couple squeezed into a corner, trying extremely hard to occupy the same space while crawling into each other’s mouth, and then a small group all dancing and writhing on one another to the music pulsing through the loft. It’s a lucky thing that Tony’s family owns the building, which is why Tony is able to throw the kinds of parties usually reserved only for the most illustrious bath houses of old. 

“Steve!” 

Steve turned his gaze back to the couple in the corner, and smiled at Peter as he waves. “Hey, who’ve you got with you?” Steve yells over the music.

“MJ! Have you met her?” Peter pulls away from the wall, bringing the red head with him.

Peter pushed up on tip-toe and lays a small peck at the corner of Steve’s mouth before turning with a bright smile to MJ. The redhead is flushed from her ministrations with Peter, her breath is coming in small gasps. She ducked her head to hide her flush before straightening back up and tucking her hair behind her ear.

She reminded Steve a little of innocence, and how Peter was when he first came onto the scene. 

“Nice to meet you.” Steve said, extending his hand. MJ shook his hand tucking in against Peter and smiled up at Steve.

“You too. Peter has told me a bit about you.”

Steve laughs a little, looking at Peter and smiling. Peter ducks his head a little, and kisses the top of MJ’s head. She leans back to smile at him, both of them getting lost in the eyes of the other.

“I’ll let you two get back to having fun.” Steve says, before pushing around them towards the fridge.

Steve managed to make it to the fridge, pulling the door open to grab one of the beers inside. He twisted the cap off and tossed it towards the sink as the door to the fridge closed, before turning and looking out across the party. Steve was grateful that Tony’s loft was so open in terms of a floor plan. Only a beam every so often to break up the space, before breaking off down a small hallway leading to a decent sized bedroom and a bathroom on the opposite side. He’s able to watch the entire party unfold, music pulsing through the floor, and people slowly starting to loose even more of their clothing.

The main rule for Tony and Pepper’s parties was safe sane and consensual. Too often their group had gone to clubs only for something to go wrong. Tony was sick of constantly having to safe word out of situations, or for someone to get too handsy and not pay attention to the back off signs being given by partners. Natasha had more than once had to safe word herself when topping someone because they didn’t even know their own limits, and had come to the club essentially just to be hurt. It was decided between the four of them (Steve, Natasha, Pepper and Tony), before Natasha had found Clint and then Sam, that they wanted a place where they could scene, enjoy the company of others and have a fun time. They all worked hard. They wanted to play hard too, and have a safe environment to do so.

Tony had his parents buy out the building not a month later, going on and on about what a good investment a space this close to campus would be and within two months after closing escrow converted the entire upstairs into a place where they could do that. It was invite only, but the more people the better with in reason. These parties had also allowed Steve to meet some amazing people, who actually ended up in some of his art projects (with permission.) 

Steve scanned back across the room, when his eyes connected with Bucky’s. The other man’s eyes widened as he caught sight of Steve. Steve’s breath hitched with how gorgeous Bucky looked in the changing light around the loft. The shorter man had changed clothing; his hair pulled up into a careless bun, with strands escaping the elastic in a way that makes it look on purpose, and he was wearing a tight baseball-t that stretched wonderfully across his chest and biceps and jeans that looked almost painted onto his frame. Steve was moving before he even realized it, and watched as Bucky tracked him across the floor. Steve could feel his heart pounding in his chest, and all too quickly he was standing in front of Bucky. Steve sucked his lip ring into his mouth, raking his eyes down Bucky’s frame.

Bucky’s hands tightened against his jeans as Steve walked up to him, and he had to remember to actually breathe. Steve was a walking wet dream with the way the red tips of his hair frame the side of his face, and the way the dim light in the apartment catches across the metal in his lip.

Bucky backed up against the wall subconsciously, and Steve followed him forward. Bucky felt like he was naked with the intensity of Steve’s gaze, and could feel his skin start to heat up from the attention. He hadn’t come to one of Tony’s parties in a long time. The last time he’d been dragged along to one, it was thanks to Wade, and because of a bet he should never made. He had hit it off with Pepper and actually kept in contact with her, having a few classes with her over the next semester, but nothing really past that. Pepper tended to invite him to the tamer of their parties, usually ones that did not ended up in orgies or otherwise. 

“I have to say, I’m surprised to see you here, but not too surprised given what I read in your paper.” Steve said after a moment, hand coming up to brush his bangs out of his face and behind his ear. Steve purposefully stuck his tongue out and laved it slowly across his bottom lip, watching as Bucky’s eyes darken and track the metal before closing his mouth.

Bucky brought his eyes back up to Steve’s, noting how much darker they looked when ringed with kohl, before swallowing slowly, his heart still not getting the memo to relax. “Umm, why not?”

Steve lets his gaze travel over Bucky’s body again, noting the way Bucky presented the right side of his body more in his body language than the left, before looking back up at Bucky. “It explains a lot about you. Very very insightful.”

Bucky opened his mouth to say something, before snapping it shut again when the words didn’t come, a faint blush rising to his cheeks. “Your paper was amazing.” He says softly after a moment.

 

Steve leaned in closer to hear him, being mindful not to encroach on the shorter man’s space too much. “You liked what you read?”  
“Very in depth.” Bucky whispered out just loud enough to be heard over the music. Bucky couldn’t help but let his eyes drop, now that Steve is so close. Bucky’s mouth went a little dry as he caught just the tip of a tattoo peeking out from the collar of Steve’s shirt. 

“In depth… I like that.” Steve said with a smirk as he brought his beer to his mouth. Steve took his time drinking from the bottle, tipping his head back just enough to give Bucky a generous look at his neck.

“Yeah?” Bucky mentally kicks himself for how throaty that comes out, eyes tracking Steve’s Adams apple, before catching his bottom lip between his teeth and biting down on it, pushing back against the wall just a little more.

Steve’s eyes finally open back up as he pulls the bottle, now only half full, away from his mouth, glinting a little as he watches Bucky. “I have an idea.” Steve leaned in slowly, keeping his body language open and watching Bucky’s eyes widen before dilating.

“Oh?” Bucky said, tilting his head up to meet with Steve’s.

Steve nodded slowly, “I think we should start some of our research tonight.” Steve slowly reached up, and teased his fingers across the front of Bucky’s neck, getting the shorter man to tilt his head back a little more and expose his throat a bit more. 

Bucky slid down the wall a little, his leg brushing against Steve’s as the other man steps just a little closer. Bucky could hear his heartbeat in his ears now, and his fingers itch to run through Steve’s hair. “Wh..what?” Bucky finally managed, as Steve slowly traces the seam of his shirt across his clavicle. “Your eyes are really fucking blue.”

Chuckling a little, Steve reached up to grab Bucky’s chin, bringing their mouths a breath away from each other. “You can find out just how blue they really get when they’re all fucked out… If you’re interested.”

Steve pulled back, as Bucky’s mouth opened slightly with a quick inhale, downing the rest of his beer and setting the empty bottle down on the shelf above them. Bucky’s eyes barely had any color left around them, blown completely to black with rings of blueish gray, and he was watching Steve with a mixture of lust and confusion. “There can be a room down the hall with our names on it if you want.”

Bucky’s mouth dropped open slightly more, heart thudding in his chest. “I…uh…” He pulled at the sleeve on his left arm, torn between being extremely turned on and wanting to get some air as his mind blanks out.

“There’s no pressure Buck.” Steve stepped back in close to Bucky, tilting the brunettes face back up and bringing their faces close together again. “I can talk to Fury tomorrow and get reassigned. New partners with less of an interest. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. But if you want to chase the rabbit down the hole…” Steve let his voice trail off.

Bucky put a hand on Steve’s hip to stabilize himself, and closed his eyes as Steve closed the distance between them to nip at the curve of his jaw. Bucky could barely hold back the softest of moans, shaking his head against Steve’s hand without dislodging the other man. Bucky’s hand tightens against Steve’s hip, pulling him closer without realizing it. 

Bucky’s imagination was already starting to supply various ways they could take each other apart, he resolutely ignored the fact that this was the first REAL reaction, emotional or physical, he’d had to another person in a long time. The other side of his brain was supplying all the ways this project would be a disaster if he was assigned to someone who wasn’t as enthusiastic about their work as apparently Steve was. 

“I like your writing style.” Bucky mumbled out, subconsciously moving his face towards Steve, as the taller man continued to mouth across his mandible.

Steve managed to keep his voice soft as he pulled back from Bucky, watching as the other man blinks his eyes back open. “I’m willing to bet you’ll like more than my writing style by the time we’re done with this project.” Steve pulled away from him then, and Bucky instantly missed his warmth. “I’m heading down the hall. You’re welcome to follow. If not, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Steve smiled that fucking amazing smile at him as he goes, and Bucky’s eyes dropped down to the shape of Steve’s ass before he looked back up and watched as the blond dragged a hand up the back of his head through his undercut. Bucky was so fucking screwed.

Bucky’s legs kicked into motion after what felt like a lifetime, and he caught up to Steve quickly, wrapping one hand around the blonds bicep slowly. Steve turned and looked down at Bucky before lacing their fingers together and continued weaving through the people on the floor. 

“I’ve been here before.” Bucky started and Steve arched an eyebrow at him before Bucky shook his head. “I mean, here to the loft. Pepper, we’ve had classes together. I don’t uh, really…Fuck. I don’t usually do this.” Bucky felt like he needed to shut his mouth, like none of what he’s saying makes any sense, but Steve’s smile was warm and inviting, and Bucky didn’t ever want him to stop smiling. It was like the sun.

“I can tell.” Steve did his best not to laugh, as Bucky stumbled a little over some discarded clothing. They left the main loft, going down a small hallway separating the back half of the floor off from the main living area. Once they reached the door on the left, Steve pushed it open slowly, before gesturing for Bucky to go in. Once both inside, Steve locked the door and turned back to look at Bucky.

Bucky swallowed slowly, once again running a hand down his left arm, before looking up at Steve. “So, um, do you live out here with Tony and Pepper?”

Steve shook his head. “No, I have a dorm on campus. A single. But, Tony is nice enough to let me have a room here as well for when I need a break from campus life. So I guess in a way, this room is mine.”

Bucky looked around the room for a moment, noticing the sparseness of things, while still having a little bit of a personal touch here and there. There were a couple posters hung on the wall, and a corner stacked with various vinyl next to a small desk with several sketchbooks and various drawing materials. On the other side of the room was a queen bed with dark navy sheets and more pillows than Bucky would know what to do with if it were his bed. His eyes finally land on a book case that was stacked with books.

“I have my own room too. On campus I mean.” Bucky supplied, walking a little further into the small apartment, towards the book case. “Do you enjoy reading? Who’s your favorite author?”

Steve walked up behind him on his right. “My current favorite is The Footprints of God. Had a massive twist in it I wasn’t expecting. Which was great.”

Bucky hummed in acknowledgment, before bending down to get a closer look at the books on the shelf. 

Steve barely suppressed his groan at the way Bucky’s jeans pull across his ass. After a moment, Bucky turned around and huffed out an embarrassed laugh. “What? Sorry. I can be a little nosy sometimes, or just space out.”

Steve closed the distance between them, running his left hand up Bucky’s right shoulder before cupping the back of his neck. “Don’t worry about it.” Steve already loved the way Bucky’s eyes darken when they’re this close. “Lets put some music on and relax.”

Bucky’s breath hitched as Steve dragged his nails against the back of his head, pulling on his hair slightly. “Ok.”

Steve pulled back and walked over to the record player, fingers combing through the vinyl before selecting one and placing one down on the pad; putting the needle to the record. Nirvana’s ‘MTV Unplugged in New York’ started playing softly through speakers Bucky can’t find, and Steve turned back towards him. 

“Bed’s the only place to sit, that ok? Less you wanna lay on the floor.”

Bucky watched as Steve toed off his sneakers before taking off his jacket, laying it over the basket of vinyl before walking over to the bed, crawling on it so that he could prop himself up against the headboard.

Bucky shifted on his feet for a moment before toeing his own shoes off and sat down on the edge of the bed.

Steve wiggled his fingers at Bucky. “Come on, I’m not gunna bite ya, at least not yet.” He winked at Bucky, “Lets just talk, get to know one another. Maybe plan out the paper a little, okay? “

Bucky’s heart skipped a little at the implication, a small voice in the back of his mind reminding him that it was okay to take some risks, and that he was not in any immediate danger.

“Yeah course, what’re you thinking?” Bucky replied, adjusting himself a little closer to Steve toward the head of the bed. He watched as Steve chewed on his lip ring, his own tongue darting out to whet his lips.

Steve leaned back in towards Bucky slowly keeping his movements obvious, fingers softly tracing the inside of Bucky’s wrist. He could see the flush starting to rise back up Bucky’s neck, and the way his pulse danced in the veins on his neck. Steve took a soft breath, noting for the first time a slightly woody smell coming from Bucky, but also the scent of something sweeter. 

“What rank were you by the time you got out?” Steve asked, continuing to trace idol patterns across Bucky’s wrist.

“Sergeant. You?”

“Staff Sergeant, which is where I got to do all the training and how I got involved with the ROTC.”

Bucky hummed in acknowledgment, shifting a bit closer to Steve as he pulled the sleeve up a little on his shirt. There was a calmness about Steve that Bucky found himself drawn to, a sense of safeness that he hadn’t really felt around anyone since he’d come home and went through the motions of being out processed. 

“I was thinking about how we could conduct the social experiment part of this paper.” Steve leaned in a little further to bury his nose right at the curve of Bucky’s jaw and nudged Bucky a little so that the smaller man tilted his head back. Steve gently scraped his teeth across the pulse point in Bucky’s neck. “Have you ever taken an anthropology course?”

Bucky surprised himself a little at the soft moan that escapes as Steve scrapes his teeth against his skin again, hand coming up to rest on Steve’s shoulder. “Yeah. I…um…how many people do you want to observe? We don’t even have the guidelines for this paper yet. Are you uh,” Bucky’s fingers tightened in the fabric of Steve’s shirt, another huff of air leaving his mouth as Steve nipped at his neck. “Sure you’re not just winging it at this point? I mean I know you want, hnng, an A, and I want that for you too…I just, oh fuck.”

Bucky shifted as Steve did so that Steve had better access to his neck, readjusting so that he could pull on Steve’s hip to get them closer. Bucky shivered as Steve’ laved across his neck, the metal of the bar in Steve’s tongue colder but a welcome contrast against the flush of his skin.

“Were you thinking about something like what’s going on in the loft? I mean that’s a lot of consent forms, we’d have to change a lot of names if people want it kept private. And how would we present that to the class anyway? There’s a lot, um, going on. And a lot more going on out there than just basic S&M.”

Steve smirked against Bucky’s neck. “Do you always ramble when you’re nervous? Or am I just lucky?”

Steve traced a hand up Bucky’s torso, groaning at the muscles he can feel under the shirt.

“Yes.” Bucky breathed out, moving the hand from Steve’s hip to his shoulder and gripping tight, his other hand trailing along Steve’s neck before running it through Steve’s hair.

“This okay?” Steve asked, licking a small trail from Bucky’s ear to the hollow of his throat.

Bucky nodded, and Steve pulled away. “Out loud please.” Steve ordered softly.

Bucky blinked his eyes back open and turned his head to look at Steve. “Huh? Yes. I’m ok.”

“Are you comfortable?” Steve asked, hand dropping back down to the hem of Bucky’s shirt.

Bucky leaned back up into Steve’s space, his breath hot against Steve’s mouth as he whispers out “Yes.”

“I was thinking one controlled test for now.” Steve said, splaying his right hand out across Bucky’s stomach, his left grabbing Bucky’s right wrist and pinning it above his head. “On following orders?”

Bucky shivered as Steve’s voice dropped an octave, tilting his head to the side. His entire body shivered as Steve bit down on the spot he’d previously been nosing and Bucky groaned.

“Can you really draw an accurate conclusion from one person? Thought that was the point in anthropology, to gain a broad picture from a large group.” Bucky managed, wrist straining against Steve, wanting to run his fingers down the other man’s back.

“Sassy, I like it. But we’re in psychology, and so I think for now, one or rather two will be acceptable.” Steve pressed up onto his knees to bare down on Bucky a little more. “There will be actual two parts. One Sub. One Dom. We’ll research each in depth, and present each side for our final project.” Steve slowly let the lower half of his body down onto Bucky’s, slotting their hips together slowly, watching the other man for any negative reaction. Bucky’s body arched up into his, once again trying to pull his wrist out of Steve’s grip and moaning softly as Steve only tightened and pressed back down. Bucky opened his legs a little to accommodate Steve lying on top of him and rolled his hips up in the smallest of motions. Steve barely caught the keen in Bucky’s throat before the other man opened his eyes and blinked at him to focus.

“How…ung… How would we document the research?” 

Steve pulled his lip ring into his mouth again, watching as Bucky’s eyes instantly drop to his mouth before flicking back up. “If both parties are comfortable with it, video blogs, extensive detailed recordings in journals, outings to clubs or other various scene areas, and…” Steve leaned down and pulled Bucky’s earlobe into his mouth, sucking on it for a moment before whispering directly into Bucky’s ear, “Most importantly, consent for these types of things to go on.”

The hand Steve doesn’t have a hold of tightens in his hair as Bucky sucked in a ragged breath. Steve could feel how hard Bucky was in his jeans, as he was in the same state in his own. “Fuck…” Bucky moaned out.

Steve pushed up slightly and looked down at Bucky. The flush extended below his neckline now, and Steve was absolutely curious how far it made its way down. Bucky sluggishly opened his eyes back up and dragged his hand down the side of Steve’s face before he pushed Steve’s t-shirt aside to get a better look at the tattoo he saw when Steve was leaning over him in the loft.

Bucky flicked his eyes from Steve’s tattoo up to his eyes before dropping back down again in a silent question.

“Do you want to see it?” Steve asked softly.

Bucky nodded, letting his hand fall down to his side. Steve pushed on his hand, silently communicating with him to leave it where it was at before he sat up on Bucky’s hip, and grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head.

Bucky’s breath actually caught in his throat as Steve dropped his shirt off the side of the bed. Not only did the man have a tattoo across his left clavicle, his nipples are pierced, and there’s an amazing work of art covering the entire right side of his rib cage.

“Holy fuck.” Bucky breathed, bringing his fingers up to trace along Steve’s right side.

Steve’s eyes darkened as Bucky’s hand trailed across his side softly. Steve watched as Bucky chewed on his lower lip, eyes still roaming across the ink on his side.

“That piece took two sessions, four and a half hours each, to complete. It’s the most intricate one I have. A lot of planning, and consideration. Plus I had to find the right artist.”  
“It’s gorgeous.” Bucky said, eyes flicking up briefly to make contact before dropping back down to the tattoo.

Steve leaned back down to bite at the juncture between shoulder and neck on Bucky’s right side, pulling the collar of Bucky’s shirt to the side and working a mark to the surface just below the hem line, and groaning against Bucky’s skin as Bucky’s fingers gripped his side with a groan. Bucky’s hips rolled upwards, fingers scraping down Steve’s side leaving little red marks in their wake. As Steve began to suck on the skin adding little nips in before finally biting down completely, Bucky lets out a loud moan, arching up against Steve again.

“Shhhh, there’s all night.” Steve husked out lips still against Bucky’s skin as he rolled his hips back down onto Bucky’s.

Bucky tensed beneath him, and then shifted. “Wha…” The words sunk in and Bucky pushed at Steve’s chest. “Wait. Fuck. I…” Bucky took a deep breath, trying to calm his heart rate. His heart racing for an entirely different reason now. “I need to go. Now.” Bucky dropped his hand to the bed, pushing up slightly to pull his phone out of his back pocket. He hit the button to light the screen up and Bucky groaned. He pushed at Steve again, and the taller man finally slides off to the side, a look of confusion across his face.  
“Wait what?” Steve said, fingers brushing against Bucky’s face, trying to get the other man to look at him.

Bucky shivered at the light touch, wanting to lean his face into Steve’s hand. “I…” Steve’s fingers found their way to the back of his head again, scraping lightly and Bucky’s cock twitched. “I need to finish an essay.” Bucky sighed out, realizing he’d been falling back in towards Steve again. 

Steve blew gently against the bruise that he’s left on Bucky’s shoulder, pulling on the hem of the other man’s shirt. “Stay?”

 

Bucky closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and pushed back against Steve’s chest. “I’ll see you after your class tomorrow.”  
As Bucky rolled to stand next to the side of the bed, he shoved his phone back into his pocket, and it’s all he could do to get his legs to function properly once he stands. He bent down slowly to grab his shoes and toe them on. He could hear Steve shifting on the bed, and Bucky bit the inside of his cheek. As he started walking towards the door, the sensation in his legs lessen so they feel less like jell-o, which made walking towards the door a little more difficult. 

He managed without stumbling, and Bucky didn’t look back towards Steve as he unlocked the door and pulled the door open then shut, before leaning against it and huffing out a small breath.

Bucky readjusted himself in his jeans, groaning from the fire that races up through his stomach before setting off back towards his dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear this isn't going to go 50 Shades on anyone. :shutter: 
> 
> I'm 20k into this story now!!! :D I hope y'all are still enjoying it! I'll do my best to update frequently.


	4. Devil's Backbone

Steve groaned after Bucky left, flopping face down onto the bed, and rolled his hips down to alleviate some of the pressure on his cock. He reached down and squeezed himself through his jeans, moaning at the friction, before huffing and rolling to his side. 

Less than thirty minutes went by, and he’d tried to busy himself with sketching to ignore the erection in his jeans before Natasha is letting herself into his room and crawling onto the bed with him. Steve dropped his sketch pad off the side of the bed to join his shirt with a stretch.

“Where’d your boy go? Thought there’d be a rubber band across the handle of the door.”

Steve opened his arm and she curled into his side. 

“I think I pushed it a little too quickly.”

“Did he say anything?” Natasha asked softly.

Steve shook his head. The image of Bucky splayed out under him going through his mind again. “I just think it was moving a little quicker than either of us had expected. He just…” Steve paused and drew his lip ring into his mouth before beginning again. “I’m drawn to him. It’s like being a magnet and he’s the metal surface.”

Natasha eyed him for a moment, fingers combing back through Steve’s hair softly.

“He’s like three inches shorter than you. Did you spoon him properly Steve?” Natasha teased gently.

Steve snorted out a laugh. “That is for me to know Nat.”

“No fair Steve. Don’t hog.” Natasha poked at his side, and Steve squinted an eye open. “He’s so pretty. I bet he’d cry pretty too.”

“You are a horrible person.” Steve admonished, and shook his head. 

They were quiet for a moment, before Natasha’s breath started to slowly even out. “How’re you? Everything okay?”

Natasha hummed after a moment. “A little sore. But in a good way. I think it’ll be fine. Just needed a little more communication with all parties involved.”

“Are you going to keep seeing them together?” Steve asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“They get along really well, and Clint likes having both of us top him, and they both enjoy when I top them together. Just need to keep the communication open. The sharing lines need to be more firmly established.”

Steve hummed in agreement. “So when are you seeing them again?”

Natasha shifted so that she could sit up. “I’m going to tell you something, and I swear Rogers, if you make fun of me I will never forgive you.”

Steve opened his arms a little to accommodate her movements. “I’m an angel.”

“You’re a sadistic fuck, but I love you.” Natasha replied.

Steve looked at her for a moment, before shifting up onto his elbows to prop himself up. “What’s up Tash?”

Natasha squinted at Steve before leaning over the side of the bed to grab her purse where she’d dropped it, and bringing it up onto the bed. 

“Clint…” Natasha paused before she reached into her bag. “I gave him a collar a month ago. One that was just for him, and really brought the stabilization to our relationship, and things have been going well with Sam, although he’s not like Clint in the respect of BDSM flowing into his everyday life.” Natasha looked up at Steve. “Clint asked me to move in with him.” She pulled out a small key ring with a key hanging from it.

Steve’s mouth opened slightly and he watched as Natasha’s usually cool exterior cracks a little and she flushed looking at the key.

“You are so gone for him.” Steve murmured after a moment, causing Natasha’s head to snap up.

She gripped the key tightly to herself, squinting her eyes at Steve.

“That’s not a bad thing Natasha. You’ve only ever had Subs OR a boyfriend. Never both. Never someone like Clint. Or Sam for that matter.”

Natasha looked back down at the key. “I suppose you’re right.”

Natasha tucked the key back into her purse before dropping it back down off the side of the bed and snuggled into Steve’s side again.

“Why’d you let him go tonight anyway? I swear if you’d have fucking marked him any bigger Steve, a shirt wouldn’t have covered it.”

Steve groaned. “Nat. He tasted so fucking good, and god he smells amazing. There’s this woody? Grassy smell on him, it’s addicting. I could have buried my face in his neck and just, ugh. Besides there’s a lot more than just fucking someone.”

“I think you’re hiding something Steven, and you didn’t want to chase him off, because he looks like the type that would just walk away.”

Steve groaned. “Oh god. I didn’t chase him off did I?”

Natasha pat his chest. “Given the flush he walked out of here with and the look on his face, I would bet very strongly upon him letting you touch him again. He had a quick conversation with Pepper before leaving.”

Steve sat up a little. “What did he look like?”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “You are insatiable. When was the last time you didn’t get the tail you wanted? That they actually made you work for it? You’re very demanding, and if you find someone who likes being told what to do, you’re usually good to go without a second thought. You too have only ever had subs OR a boyfriend.”

Steve flushed. 

“You have had it too easy Rogers. It’s time to work for what you want.” Natasha paused before continuing her voice softening, “He did press down on that hickey while talking to Pepper though, so I’m going to take a leap and say he may like it just a bit. What does he have tomorrow?” 

“We’re supposed to meet up tomorrow to talk about our papers. He didn’t mention a class. Think he’ll actually show?”

Natasha sighed. “Do not over complicate things Steve.”

“I hate you.” Steve groaned, and threw an arm over his eyes. “Why are you sleeping in here by the way?”

“Because this room is close and convenient.”

“Didn’t want to give Clint an answer yet?” 

Natasha smacked him with a pillow before lying back down and balling it under her head.

“I already said yes.”

Steve just smiled and let the conversation end there. He drifted off to sleep a few minutes later.

~*~*~*~*~*

Steve was having more difficulty focusing that morning on his figure drawing class than he would have liked to admit. He had gotten up earlier than he would have really wanted to in order to make it back over to his room to shower and change, as well as to grab the supplies he’d need for the class before making it over to the art building. More than once his instructor had come over and sighed before giving him some pointers on his angles. 

“Focus on the negative space and the shapes that it makes, it will help with your proportions and the overall balance of what you’re attempting to draw.”

Steve groaned in frustration as his instructor walked away yet again shaking her head. He had woke up still smelling Bucky on the sheets, with Natasha long gone. Memories from the night before had managed to work themselves into his dreams. Steve had let his mind wander, and was only brought back to the present when one of his class mates tapped on his shoulder. 

“Hey Steve, are you still interested in helping out with the club fair? The art club could really use some help with the banners?” 

Steve turned on his stool and smiled up at Anna Marie. “Sure, email me with some of the things you like and I’ll work some things up for you. Did you want them complete or line art?”

Anna Marie shifted her portfolio on her shoulder, “Line art would be great, midterms aren’t far away at this point, so I don’t want to take too much of your time.”  
Steve nodded. “Okay sure thing, I can get that done this week.”

“Thanks!!” 

Steve watched as Anna Marie walked out of the room before he began to pack up his own things. 

Bucky stood under the large Oak tree outside of the art building holding two cups of coffee. It would have been smart to text Steve that morning and ask what he liked in his coffee, but Bucky’s nerves had gotten the best of him that morning, already having to work himself out of an anxiety attack. He’d quickly pulled on a sweatshirt and thrown his hair up into a haphazard bun. By the time he’d made it to the café on campus, he figured he was safe getting one black and one with cream and sugar. 

He shifted his bag on his shoulder, his breath hitched a little as it brushed over the hickey that Steve had left on his shoulder. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment as warmth spread through his stomach before he shook himself out and looked for Steve.

Steve caught sight of Bucky as he walked down the stairs, a large smile breaking out across his face. He made his way over to the brunette, waving a little.

“I didn’t think you were going to show.” Steve teased lightly.

“You said you wanted to meet up.” Bucky replied back with a small shift of his feet, nerves making a comeback into his stomach. “Black or cream and sugar?”

Steve ducked down slightly to catch Bucky’s line of sight. “Black is fine. Thanks.”

Bucky finally looked up and met Steve’s eyes, a small smile finally appearing as he handing the coffee to Steve. Bucky resolutely ignored the way his heart started to race as Steve brushed their fingers together. 

Steve brought the cup to his lips, and watched as Bucky traced the movement for a moment before looking out across the quad. “So did you still want to do a little bit of research this morning?”

Bucky brought his eyes back to Steve, nodding a little. “Yeah. Um, sorry? About last night? That essay was due at seven this morning, and I hadn’t even completed my works cited page.”

Steve laughed, “Oh man. I use noodle bib every time. I don’t have time to find that dumb MLA format book.”

“It’s the devil!” Bucky hissed out, causing Steve to laugh again. Bucky’s stomach fluttered a little as he watched the little crows feet appear next to Steve’s eyes and the joy on the other mans face. They started walking towards the quad, sipping at their coffee, falling into an easy silence.

Steve fell back a step and nodded towards the other side of campus. “Lets go back to your room and talk? Do you have any other classes this morning?”

Bucky’s next step came up short. “Oh, uh, really?” Bucky tightened his grip on his cup a little trying to recall what state his room was in. If the laundry he’d dug through the night before was still on the floor, or if he’d picked up any of the text books he’d been reading before falling asleep in a pile of notes. Had he even made his bed?

“Is that okay? I mean if you’d rather not?” Steve glanced over at Bucky, noting the crease forming on the other man’s forehead. “I mean we can go back to mine instead? I just figured some privacy would be better considering what we’re going to be talking about. The library works too I guess, if they have one of those study rooms available?”

Bucky flushed slightly and shook his head. “No, I mean it’s okay. We can go to mine. Guess it’s fair since I’ve seen yours?” Bucky’s head snapped up, eyes widening. He felt as the blush that rose on his face instantly. “I mean. Not that I’ve seen yours. Jesus Christ. Forget I fucking said that.”

Steve blinked for a moment before doubling over with laughter, slapping his knee careful not to spill his coffee. “Oh my god that was priceless. Relax Buck. You’re fine.”

Bucky bit his lip, looking over at Steve as he took a deep breath. “I wasn’t always… God as lame as it sounds, I used to be a lot smoother than this. I used to actually be kinda good at this?”

Steve closed the distance between them, while being mindful not to actually touch Bucky just yet. “I think you’re doing just fine.” Steve whispered to Bucky with a small smile.  
Bucky ducked his head a little, a small smile curling at the side of his mouth. “I’m on the east side of campus, in the Tri building.”

Steve’s smile widened. “No shit! Me too. What floor are you on? That just made this so much easier!”

Bucky hitched his bag up onto his shoulder, mindful not to push on the hickey this time, “I’m on floor seven, I have the single.”

Steve bumped his shoulder into Bucky’s as they walk. “I’m on six, I have the single too. So you’re right above me.” 

Steve winked at Bucky as he sucked his lip ring into his mouth, and Bucky adamantly refused to blush at that. “Which is ironic, since you’re a sub right?”

“Yeah,” Bucky hesitated a moment, “I haven’t in a long time though. I um,” Bucky brought his coffee up to his mouth and hummed into the lid. “What’s your major?”

Steve took a sip of his own coffee, finishing it off and dropped it into the trash as they continued walking. “I’m majoring in Art History with an emphasis in fine arts. It gives me an opportunity to work on my own art while learning about the arts of the world. What about you?”

“Journalism, minoring in creative writing and photography. I don’t know if I want to do photo journalism, or just the actual meat and potatoes writing of it. Although with the way blogs and social media are developing, I might not have to choose.” Bucky picked at the sleeve on his cup as he talked, figuring that was a safe answer without adding too many details for the other types of writing he enjoyed.

“That’s a good idea. Keeping your options open. Is the GI Bill paying for your classes and housing?” 

“Yeah, I have to keep a minimum amount of credits. I’m not cleared for work yet, so they’re giving me a stipend too. So, um, your class this morning? It went okay?”

Steve groaned leaning his head back and pushing his bangs off of his face. “I was a little distracted honestly.”

Bucky looked over to Steve’s face, noting for the first time that the eyeliner from last night was still there for the most part, a little touched up, but still looking a day old. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just couldn’t focus on what I needed to be drawing, instead was trying to work out what I really wanted to be drawing, and the instructor wasn’t happy.”

Bucky stopped just a little behind Steve as the other man pulled the door to their dorm building open. Steve stepped aside as a couple girls made their way out, before waiting for Bucky to go in ahead of him. They both flashed their ID’s at the desk guard before making their way over to the elevator. 

“Did you want to stop at your room? Drop anything off or pick anything up?” Bucky asked as they step into the elevator. 

Steve shook his head, bringing his messenger bag and portfolio to his front as they turn toward the elevator doors. “No, I’m okay, as long as you don’t mind my portfolio in your room.”

“That’s fine.” Bucky said, as he pushed the button for his floor, glancing over at Steve. The doors slid shut and the elevator jerks. Bucky grabbed onto the rail and takes a deep breath. His mind still works over the state of his room, and how he left it after the cram session he’d pulled the night before, anything to distract his mind from being in such a confined space.

“Don’t like elevators much?” Steve asked softly after a few moments.

Bucky slowly opened his eyes and looked over at Steve. “Not really. Um, confined spaces and I don’t really get along much. I had a tour that didn’t end well…” 

“Your last one?” Steve asked gently. 

“No, my second one. I went out for three.” Bucky replied weakly.

“Oh.” Steve whispered out. 

The elevator doors opened, and Bucky stepped out quickly. Bucky took a few steps, reaching into his pocket to grab his keys before he looked back over his shoulder at Steve. Steve offered him a small smile for reassurance as they walked, following closely behind Bucky.

Bucky shook his keys out, and held on to the one to his room before pushing it into the door handle. Twisting quickly, Bucky pushed against the door with his right shoulder, peeking around the slightly ajar door. 

“Relax Buck. I’m sure you’ve got nothing in there that I haven’t seen before.”

Bucky coughed a little. “I’m sure. Both being male and all.”

Steve touched Bucky’s shoulder and squeezed it gently. “Yeah, and I won’t say anything to anyone about any lube or condoms okay? Scouts honor. Everything else though? Well that’s fair game.”

Bucky’s eyes widened a little, before he turned to look at Steve. Steve’s face was completely blank for a moment, before the most devious smirk appeared. “I’m fucking with you man.”

Bucky snorted before shoving his door completely open and gestured for Steve to go in. “You’re evil.”

“That is what Nat loves to tell me every fucking day.”

“And a mouth on you! You kiss your Mama with that mouth?”

“Why? You wish I was kissin you with it instead?” Steve smirks at Bucky as he walks past, biting down just next to his lip ring for emphasis.

Bucky could feel his ears heat up as his heart raced, but also noticed the deflection in Steve’s voice for what it was. A way not to focus too deeply on him. He rubbed his hand up his arm before he reached up and pulled the hair tie out of his hair, shaking his hair out. A little bit of a deflection technique for him, which his therapist had warned him about early on in their sessions, but Bucky needed it now feeling a little out of his comfort zone. 

“How did you luck into having your own room by the way?” Steve asked as he set his bags down.

“Really lucky actually. I had to share last year and that was a nightmare. I think I got too many complaints, so they just put my name at the top of the list for the lottery. Which I guess doesn’t make it a lottery anymore. But whatever. I’m not complaining.” 

Bucky dropped his own bag down onto the floor before closing the door to his room. Bucky’s eyes drop down over to his bed, which was still in fact covered in text books, but also with the next series of stories that he was going to have in a couple local magazines. He stepped around Steve, and quickly grabbed the stack of papers and turned to face the other man. “But yea. This is my room.”

Steve glanced down at the papers Bucky was clutching to his chest, tilting his head a little before breaking eye contact and took a better look around the room. Bucky had several stacks of books, both next to the bed and also the desk, a few CD’s next to an impressive looking iMAC with a second monitor, as well as several lenses Steve assumed were for the camera that Bucky used for his assignments. There were a few pictures tacked to the wall next to Bucky’s desk around what looked like some sort of dream board as well as a calendar and Steve stepped closer to look at some of them. 

“Did you take these?” Steve asked as he gently touched the corner of one, careful not to jostle anything.

“While I was in Europe.” Bucky replied, stepping up next to Steve, setting the stack of papers down on the corner of his desk.

“They’re gorgeous.” Steve commented, looking over at Bucky.

Bucky tucked a little of his hair behind his ear. “Thanks. I won a couple online photo contests with some of these. It was one of the only fun things I got to do while I was over there, while I wasn’t out on mission, or in a debrief, or off the radar. Made me happy. Figured I might as well keep up with it.”

Steve watched as Bucky’s eyes roamed over the photos, taking in the small movements the other man was making; small ticks like playing with the hem of his sleeve, and nibbling on the inside of his cheek, Steve was entranced.

“I have something for you by the way.” Steve said, breaking the silence and turning to walk back over where he set his portfolio down. Steve could feel Bucky’s eyes on him as he walked, so he purposefully exaggerated bending over, making sure that Bucky got a good view of the way that his jeans hugged his ass.

Bucky’s eyes wandered over Steve’s back, and across his ass before snapping back up as Steve slowly stood back up. “Oh?” Bucky was having a hard time getting the image of Steve in nothing but boxers, really tight boxers, out of his head. 

Steve turned with a small but thick piece of paper held in his hand. “It’s nothing big, I did it after class the other day, but I hope you like it.”

Bucky looked down as Steve handed him the postcard sized drawing, and instantly lost his breath as he finally saw was it was. Bucky sitting up at the top of the class room, hair pulled atop his head in a messy bun, and the intense look of concentration as he scribbled on a notebook in front of him, his signature sweatshirt pulled up next to his mouth with his right hand, and his brow creased slightly from the way his fist pressed against his cheek, stubble from not shaving that morning, and his lashes looking impossibly long. He looked stunning in the drawing.

“It’s me.” Bucky whispered. “Do I really look like this?”

Steve pulled his lip ring into his mouth and waited for a moment as Bucky brought the drawing closer to his face, the look of awe on the other man’s face was making Steve’s heart race a bit. “It’s how I see you. You’re gorgeous.”

Bucky’s eyes snapped back up to Steve, eyes hardening. “You hardly know anything about me.”

Steve took a step forward towards Bucky, “Your essay. It’s based on personal experience is it not?” 

“And yours isn’t?” Bucky shot back, dropping his eyes down off to the side as he dropped his arms back to his side, careful not to wrinkle the drawing.

“Look at me.” Steve ordered, stepping towards Bucky again.

Bucky’s eyes slowly came back up to Steve’s, and there was an intensity there that turned Steve on, but also made him so curious. “I had an idea of how to start off our research, and given last night, I think you might be game for it as well.”

“What? Get a guy hard and you suddenly think you have it all figured out?” Bucky bit out, taking his own step into Steve’s space, the hardness in his eyes still there. He was torn between punching the guy for his arrogance or shoving him up against the wall and kissing the fuck out of him.

“You don’t want this at any time, or we do something or go someplace you don’t wanna go, you just gotta give me a safe word doll, and it’s done.” Steve replied back, slowly taking the drawing from Bucky’s hand and setting it down on the other man’s desk. Steve stepped back up to Bucky, backing him towards the bed. “Otherwise, we start this little experiment of ours and see if it produces any fireworks.”

Bucky could feel his jeans starting to tighten at the authority in Steve’s voice, and the man’s overall presence next to him. There was this fire in his stomach that Steve was fueling, and Bucky wasn’t quite sure if he wanted it put out or just to let himself be consumed by it. The back of his knees hit his mattress and Bucky reached out towards Steve so he didn’t fall over. Steve wrapped an arm around his waist, bringing them together and leaned down so their mouths were inches apart. 

“You’re awfully quiet Buck.” Steve husked against Bucky’s mouth.

Bucky moaned a little, tightening his grip on Steve’s hip. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, Steve’s cologne mixing with the smell of the oils he’d put on that morning. Bucky shuttered as Steve brought a hand up and cradled the back of his neck.

“Is that a yes?” Steve whispered, gently trailing his mouth back towards Bucky’s ear and nipping the lobe gently.

“Fuck.” Bucky moaned out, arching up into Steve, grabbing onto the taller man’s shirt to bring him closer.

“Bucky.” Steve pulled away, the name out like a command, causing Bucky to open his eyes and finally look at Steve. “What is your safe word?”

“Red.” Bucky answered immediately.

“Are we doing this?” Steve asked as he put two fingers under Bucky’s chin and tilted the other man’s face up towards his. “Because if we are, you are mine. Do you understand what that means?”

Bucky’s mouth opened and closed a few times. His mind was racing. Images from the past; failed relationships because of the distance, all the times he was told that he wasn’t enough, wasn’t good enough. The beatings he took because he thought that was just a part of the dynamic between him and his partners. The backlash and ridicule he got once coming back state side and having to work through the aftermath of his capture. “You’ll actually listen, if I safe word out?”

Steve’s mouth opened in shock like he’d just been slapped across the face. “The fuc- what? Yes. Of course! Have you had someone ignore it?”

“Yes.” Bucky’s eyes dropped down again, and Steve’s heart broke with the sheer force of the anguish on Bucky’s face.

“Oh god. Bucky. I don’t… Yes. I give you my word, this will be a consensual thing or not at all. I will never take advantage of you or do something to you that you don’t like. This is a two way street. You have the control.” 

Bucky looked back up and that steel determination was back in his eyes. “Then yes.”

Steve stepped back into Bucky’s space. “Do you want to be my sub?”

Bucky tipped his head back, placing a hand back on Steve’s hip and pulled him flush once again. “You want me? You don’t know anything about me.”

“I plan to learn everything.” Steve replied before leaning down and licking his way into Bucky’s mouth.

Bucky moaned into Steve’s mouth, surging up against him. Steve gently pushed on the center of Bucky’s chest, using his weight to push him onto the bed. Bucky went willingly, pulling on Steve’s shirt as the other man loomed over him. 

“Like the ink huh?” Steve teased.

“Yes, very much.” Bucky replied, pushing the hem of Steve’s shirt further up his torso. 

Steve leaned back a little and quickly pulled his shirt over his head, and dropping it to the side of the bed. Steve knelt down onto the bed, using his legs to bracket Bucky in.  
Bucky’s eyes roamed over Steve’s chest, hand brushing softly against the metal in both nipples, catching the small hiss of pleasure from Steve as he made his touches firmer eyes flicking up to watch Steve’s face. Bucky pushed up a little, looking at Steve slightly in question, before ducking down to lick across one nipple.

Steve moaned and put one hand on Bucky’s shoulder to steady himself. “They were sensitive before I had them done, but now?”

“Like electricity?” Bucky asked before latching on and sucking hard.

Steve cupped the back of Bucky’s head and tightened his fingers in the hair there, moaning loudly as Bucky laved across the bar, before gently scraping down the other side with his other hand. 

“Fuck.” Steve leaned back grabbing Bucky’s face and bringing his mouth down to meet Bucky’s. Steve nipped and pulled on Bucky’s lower lip before sitting back. “Take your shirt off.”

Bucky put a hand on Steve’s chest, his breath caught in his throat. “Um.”

Steve sat back and looked at Bucky. “What?”

“I um. There’s.” Bucky bit his bottom lip hard, and barely noticed Steve brushing his hair back from his face before he was looking into baby blues full of concern.

“Bucky.”

“Scar tissue. A lot of it. I nearly lost my left arm. I was shot through the shoulder, captured, and then held as a POW. They had to pretty much rebuild my entire fucking arm when they found me, and it’s not the nicest thing to look at and I just,”

“Fuck. Okay breath.” Steve pushed Bucky flat back onto the bed, and kissed him softly on the forehead. “No amount of scar tissue is going to make me look at you any differently.”  
Steve sat up, making sure Bucky was watching him before slowly laying a hand on Bucky’s chest. “This right here.” Steve tapped over Bucky’s heart. “This is what matters okay?”  
Steve smoothed his hand down Bucky’s sweat shirt, slowly playing with the hem once he reaches it. “May I take your sweatshirt off?”

Bucky hesitated for a moment before nodding slowly. “Ok.” It came out as barely a whisper.

Steve’s eyes searched Bucky’s face for a moment before moving and straddling Bucky’s thighs more firmly so he can look up at him. Steve splays both hands out across Bucky’s hips, squeezing tightly for a moment before pushing under Bucky’s sweatshirt and shirt and slowly dragging his hands up Bucky’s sides. Bucky squirmed a little under his touch, arching up as Steve dug his nails into his side briefly. Steve noticed how Bucky’s breathing started to even out once his sweatshirt is up near his arm pits, his eyes becoming less focused. Steve leaned down and licked a trail from Bucky’s navel over to one of his nipples and sucks hard, drawing a ragged moan from Bucky. Steve bites down softly, moving over to Bucky’s left side and noticing for the first time some of the scaring that comes down onto his pec. Steve sucks his lip ring into his mouth as he traces one scar with his finger, eyes flicking up to meet Bucky’s gaze before holding it as he leans back down and sucks right at the end of the scar. Bucky moaned brokenly as Steve pulled blood to the surface, nibbling and darkening the mark before sitting up.

Bucky’s eyes were blown, the barest rings of gray-blue, as he watched Steve sit up. 

“Sit up.” Steve ordered.

Bucky moved slowly, but does as Steve orders, hands resting on Steve’s hips to keep the other man in place. Steve moved slowly, pulling on the sweatshirt to move up Bucky’s arms as the other man raises his arms. Once the clothing is free of Bucky’s arms, Steve throws them over his shoulder and finally looks at Bucky. Bucky’s breathing is still a little shallow, but Bucky tracks Steve’s movements. Steve leaned in to softly kiss Bucky as he pushed a hand up through the back of Bucky’s hair. Steve nipped at Bucky’s lips, darkening the already swollen lips even further before reaching for the hem of Bucky’s shirt. Steve pulled back just enough to pull Bucky’s shirt off, keeping his eyes on Bucky’s.

His breath catches as he takes in all the scaring around the shoulder once he dropped his eyes, fingers gently tracing not one, not two, but three different bullet holes, before tracing patch works of scars trailing down Bucky’s arm. Steve leaned in slowly, catching Bucky’s eyes before stealing the other man’s mouth in a heated kiss once again.   
“How much can you feel?” Steve asked, hand still over Bucky’s shoulder as they pulled apart for air.

“If I keep up with my range of motion exercises, and keep the muscles loose, about 80%. I don’t have any feeling in my ring or pinky fingers. The largest of the entry wounds, I couldn’t stand for anyone to touch it because of how hypersensitive the nerves were for a while.”

“And now?” Steve asked, his fingers still gently tracing the axillary scars.

“It’s a 50/50 split on pain pleasure.” Bucky whispered.

Steve hummed in acknowledgement, fingers ghosting across the thickest of scars. “Are you okay?”

Bucky shrugged a little. “I haven’t let anyone touch my scars in a long time, that wasn’t a doctor or chiropractor, and yet, here you are, and I’m not freaking out…Much.”  
“Here I am.” Steve echoes back quietly, his eyes softening.

“You didn’t even know I existed before Fury said we were partners and you read my essay.”

Steve leaned back and smiled at Bucky. “I noticed you every day Buck. Watching you slink into the classroom like a deadly cat, eyes always watching, never drawing attention to yourself, knowing where all your exits were. Seeing how alert you were, god you are so gorgeous when you think no one is looking.”

Bucky flushed at the praise.

“Natasha would give me a hard time. Ask if I was just going to eye fuck you all semester or actually try to get to know you.”

Bucky keened a little as Steve pressed gently against the hickey on Bucky’s shoulder. Steve watched Bucky’s breath caught slightly and the way the other man’s mouth opens in a small moan, eyes once again becoming unfocused.

Steve leaned back into Bucky, sliding his left hand over and gently gripping Bucky’s neck to tilt his head back. “And now I have you under me, and I want to slowly take you apart. Learn all the sounds you make, watch you shutter, and moan, and scream my name.”

Bucky moaned as Steve increased the pressure around his neck gently, his right hand coming up to cover Steve’s heart and feel the heat that came off of Steve’s skin. Steve pressed Bucky back against the mattress firmly as he lays over Bucky, rolling their hips together. Bucky’s moan was choked off as he pushed up into Steve, and raised his arms over his head. 

“Steve. Ste-“ Bucky gasped as Steve bit down just under his right nipple. 

“I also noticed you at the café on campus.” Steve said against his skin. “Tucked away in a corner where you think no one will take notice of you.”

Bucky groaned as Steve laved over his nipple. “It’s a good place to write and edit photos.”

Steve hummed against his skin, slowly shifting down Bucky’s body leaving small little love bites in his wake as he made his way to the band of Bucky’s jeans. Steve pushed against the bulge there, rolling gently, coaxing Bucky’s hips up off the bed before pushing them back down.

“Buck. I want you to touch the wall, and leave your hands there.” Steve looked up and watched as Bucky slowly stretched his arms out further to touch the wall. “Do not move. Do you understand?”

Bucky nodded, watching as Steve shifted off to one side of his body.

“Color?” Steve asked, reaching for the button on Bucky’s jeans.

“Green.” Bucky replied. 

Steve smiled and pushed his red tipped hair out of his face before reaching back down and undoing the button to Bucky’s jeans. Steve moved a little further down the bed, swinging his legs so that he straddled one of Bucky’s and leaning down, his eyes watching Bucky’s face. Steve blew a breath out across the front of Bucky’s jeans, watching as the other man’s hip twitched slightly before settling back down onto the mattress.

“Good boy. Don’t move your arms, but tell me if you start to hurt.”

Bucky nodded and watched as Steve pulled the zipper to his pants down slowly. His cock throbbed against his waist band, and how slow Steve was moving was killing him, but he was hyper aware of every movement Steve made. Steve tapped his hip twice, signaling for him to lift up, and Bucky hesitated for a moment before shifting his legs so that Steve was between them and planting his feet so that he could push his hips up. Bucky followed Steve’s movements, breath hitching as Steve pulled his jeans to mid-thigh before leaning forward to mouth at the wet spot on his boxers. Bucky’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as he felt the ball from Steve’s tongue ring drag across the head of his dick.

“Steve.” Bucky moaned out, quickly sucking his breath back in as Steve pressed his tongue ring down a little harder against the head of his cock, before pressing up against his balls with the palm of his hand. 

Bucky curled his hands into fists and pressed them against the wall at the head of his bed, stretching his body out even further to stop himself from grabbing onto Steve’s hair. He groaned as Steve’s tongue laved a wet trail across his erection, making his boxers stick even more. Steve hummed against him and Bucky fought back the whine building in his throat.

“Look at you being so good for me.” Steve husked out.

Bucky actually did whine at that, turning his head back and forth. Steve mouthed at him a bit more before pushing up and putting one foot on the ground. Bucky looked down his body as Steve pulled his shoes off, shortly followed by his socks and then tugging at his jeans off and dropping them onto the floor.

“Color Sergeant?” Steve crawled back onto the bed and laid back between Bucky’s legs.

“Green, sir.” Bucky rasped out, fingers clenching and relaxing above his head.

“And your shoulder?”

“Fine.” Bucky glanced down. “Sir.”

Steve hummed before reaching towards Bucky’s waist band and slowly pulled his underwear down. Steve groaned as he leaned in and licked the small trail of precum off of Bucky’s hip as he dropped the underwear over the side of the bed. Steve moved slowly, leaving nips and laves of tongue all across Bucky’s hips, ignoring Bucky’s flushed cock, but humming in approval whenever Bucky’s hips would jerk. 

“Steve. Please. I..”

“Shhhh. I have you.” Steve ran a hand up Bucky’s torso, tweaking one nipple and enjoying the hiss from Bucky before nosing just next to Bucky’s balls. 

Steve tilted his head to the side and bites the inside of Bucky’s thigh, bringing a large mark to the surface. Bucky cried out and arched into his touch and Steve’s eyes flicked up to see where Bucky’s arms were at. They had curled slightly, and Steve can see how hard his muscles were flexed from trying to stay in one place. Steve sooths the bite with his tongue, humming out little noises of encouragement.

“You’re being so good for me Buck.” Steve sucked another mark onto Bucky’s hip before finally moving over and sealing his lips around the head of Bucky’s cock. 

“Jesusfuck.” Bucky groaned out, fingers gripping the pillow he’s all but shoved off to the side of the bed. 

Steve hummed around the head for a moment, pulling off to lick his lips before leaning back down and swallowing Bucky to the hilt.

“FUCK.” Bucky moaned as Steve swallowed around him, hips canting up slightly before stilling as Steve pushed back down on his hips. 

Steve pulled up and off, running his tongue around the head of Bucky’s cock before tonguing at the slit. A bead of pre-cum oozes out and Steve laps at it before bobbing back down. Bucky’s constant stream of curse words drive Steve on, one hand reaching up to tweak and play with Bucky’s nipples while the other holds Bucky’s hip down. 

Steve moves his tongue up the shaft, noting the way Bucky twitches every time the ball from his piercing drags across certain spots. Steve pulled off with a pop, sitting up to look at Bucky. Bucky’s eyes were closed, and his breaths came in small pants, but his arms were still where Steve asked them to stay.

“You’re being so good for me Buck.” Steve slid his hands up Bucky’s torso, dragging his nails slightly as he praises the other man. “Look at all of these marks. Shows everyone that you’re mine.”

Bucky groaned and shifts under Steve’s touch, trying his hardest to open his eyes. Steve leaned down and licked into Bucky’s mouth, sucking on the other man’s tongue, making his tongue ring click against Bucky’s teeth before he pulled away and scooted back down Bucky’s body.

Steve wasted no time in swallowing back down on Bucky, sucking and bobbing his head and working Bucky into a good rhythm while periodically pushing down on various hickeys he’s now left all over Bucky’s body. 

“Fuck god, Steve, you feel so fucking good. Please. Please. I need to cum.” Bucky whined as Steve hollowed his cheeks and deep throats him again.

Steve slowed down a little after swallowing around Bucky a few times and gently pulled off. Giving a few tentative kitten licks to the underside of Bucky’s cock, Steve pressed the ball from his tongue ring against Bucky’s slit, and that drew the loudest moan and jerk from Bucky. Steve looked up and tsks slightly as Bucky’s brought one of his arms down next to his head. Steve pulled away completely.

“Bucky.”

Bucky moaned, slowly blinking his eyes open and looking down at Steve. He slowly straightens his arm back out, a flush spreading down across his chest, before he grabbed back onto the pillow firmly clenched by his right hand.

“I’m sorry sir.” Bucky said quietly.

Steve leaned over Bucky on all fours, watching as Bucky’s eyes trace his movements. “Is your shoulder okay?”

Steve does a small pushup over Bucky’s body, to kiss at a patch of scar tissue that makes Bucky shiver. “Yes, sir thank you.”

Steve nipped at Bucky’s collar bone. “Keep them there or there will be a punishment next time.” Steve glanced up at Bucky’s face, and watched as Bucky’s eyes get even less focused.

Steve searched Bucky’s face for a moment before moving back down his body and licking up the underside of Bucky’s cock.

“You cum whenever you feel you need to.” Steve said before swallowing Bucky down again. 

Bucky keened and pushed up into Steve’s throat a little, letting Steve set the pace. It doesn’t take long before Bucky could feel the warmth building in his stomach. He moaned as Steve once again played with his slit, his cock throbbing as Steve continues to mouth along the head of his cock.

Bucky moaned and pushed up into Steve’s mouth again quickly, as the other man scrapes across his nipple before pushing down on the hickey on his shoulder and Bucky sees white. His orgasm washes over him, and Steve swallows around him. Bucky’s body writhed on the bed as Steve works him through his orgasm, the blondes’ fingers softly rubbing across one nipple.

Bucky moaned brokenly as pleasure turned to over stimulation and pulled his hips back as far as he can manage. Steve pulled off, licking his lips and crawled back up Bucky’s body. He kissed Bucky gently, pushing a hand through the brunettes’ hair before slowly coaxing Bucky’s arms from above his head. Steve took his time rubbing gently at both joints, leaving kisses and murmured praises into the skin as Bucky comes down from his orgasm.

“You did so well for me.” Steve murmured softly, kissing the corner of Bucky’s mouth.

Bucky hummed a little, his eyes still closed as he turned into Steve’s warmth. Steve gently curled an arm around Bucky, and pulled him closer and listened as Bucky’s breathing evened out. He smiled against Bucky’s skin and nosed gently at the hickie blossoming on Bucky’s neck before dosing off himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just a heads up, things are going to start getting a little angsty in the upcoming chapters. Hope y'all are still enjoying it. Come hang out with me over on tumblr: @NatalieJumper and tell me how ya feel. ;]


	5. I Have Friends in Holy Places

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry the gap between chapters. I went out of country on a photography adventure and vacation with my family and was with out reliable internet during that time. Short chapter this time around, but there's more coming!! :D As always feel free to come pester me over on tumblr and chat with me. @CaptBBarnes

Bucky woke up with a sharp gasp, and jerked to try and sit up only to have an arm tighten around him. He looked over to find Steve evenly breathing into the pillow next to him, and Bucky willed himself to calm down. 

It wasn’t unusual to wake up from a nightmare, but to wake up completely naked next to someone still mostly clothed was a change of pace from the last couple of years. He noted that Steve had kicked his own shoes off before falling asleep with him. Bucky moved slowly to maneuver out from under Steve, and watched as the blonde rolled to wrap his arm around the pillow and bury his face deeper. 

Bucky stood and rolled his shoulder back to get some of the muscles to stop spasming before bending over to pull on a pair of sleep pants he’d tossed next to his desk the night before. He pulled the chair away from his desk and sat down, tapping at the center of his screen to wake his computer up. It didn’t take long for the machine to boot, and Bucky looked down at the clock realizing only two hours had passed since he and Steve had come up to his room. 

Bucky stood and walked over to where he’d dropped his bag next to Steve’s and grabbed it before walking back over to his desk. He plopped back down into his chair, dropped his bag on the floor again before he grabbed a hair tie to tie his hair back up.

He was feeling more relaxed than he could remember in the past few months, his mind blissfully calm. Once he’d tied his hair up, Bucky opened up a browser on the computer and turned Pandora on quietly, allowing Steve more time to sleep.

He busied himself with homework that was due the next day, putting the final touches on an essay, before beginning on a creative writing assignment. He allowed his brain to run free, crafting a story based around the desire to have the ability to just pick up and leave and let the wind take the character where it wanted. 

Bucky was so into what he was writing, he failed to notice when Steve had woken up. The blonde watched as Bucky curled himself in his chair to write, fingers typing a rhythmic pattern out across the keyboard as he wrote. Steve could feel the warmth building in his chest as he watched Bucky and desperately wished for a sketch pad so he could draw the other man.

Steve stretched across the bed, letting out a small groan of enjoyment before purposefully making enough noise to get Bucky’s attention.

Bucky’s fingers stopped immediately, turning quickly towards Steve, his eyes slightly wide. 

“Hey.” Bucky scratched up the back of his head and smiled at Steve.

Steve rolled over onto his stomach again and pillowed his head onto his forearms as he watched Bucky. “Hey yourself. You get much sleep?”

“I was out for two hours. You’ve been out for four.” Bucky replied softly.

Steve groaned and dropped his face down into the bed and whined. “What time is it?”

“A little before five.”

Steve pushed himself up onto all fours before rolling to the side of the bed and swinging his legs over the edge. He stood and stretched, reaching his arms up above his head before dropping them back down to his side.

“I love cat naps.” Steve closed the small gap between them, placing a hand on the back of Bucky’s chair before leaning down to nose at the side of Bucky’s face. “What’re you working on?”

“I finished an English essay, or well the second draft for it, and now I’m working on the first draft of a creative writing assignment due tomorrow.”

Steve brought his other hand up and cupped the side of Bucky’s face so he could tilt the brunettes face back to kiss him. “Can I read it when you’re done?”

Bucky nipped at Steve’s bottom lip before he pulled back to look at the red bangs hanging in his face. “Would you want to?”

“Sure. I’ll even help you with the second draft if you want.” Steve kissed Bucky again before pulling back and looking down at the floor to find his shirt. “However, I have an Art History class I need to be at in forty five minutes. So I’ve got to get going.”  
Bucky dropped his hands back down into his lap and watched Steve walk around his room. “You just dropped it off the side of the bed didn’t you?”

Steve laughed. “I thought that’s what I did.”

“Do you want to just borrow a tank and a sweatshirt? I mean they’ll be a little tight, but at least you won’t be late to class.”

Steve turned around, “You wouldn’t mind?”

Bucky flushed a little but stood anyway. “No, it’d be okay.”

Steve smiled as Bucky went over to a basket on the other side of the room and pushed around a couple items of clothing before standing back up with a black tank top and a zip up hoodie. 

“Like I said, they’ll be tight, but you won’t be late.”

“Not like you’re exactly small Buck.” Steve winked, and grinned as Bucky flushed as he took the clothing from him.

“Fucking get dressed and leave. God.” Bucky shoved at Steve’s shoulder and moved to walk past him, but Steve grabbed him around the middle and pulled Bucky back to his chest. 

“What’s the hurry Barnes?” Steve bent down slightly to nip at Bucky’s neck. 

Bucky went pliant as he allowed Steve to hold up the majority of his weight as the blonde nipped and sucked across his collar bones. Steve’s fingers tightened against the hem of his pants above the swell of his ass as Bucky rocked up against him and Bucky groaned as Steve bit down on a patch of scar tissue. “You’ll be late to class.” 

“I am finding this increasingly okay.” Steve murmured against his skin.

Bucky groaned as he pulled away, hands grabbing the sides of Steve’s face to kiss him thoroughly before pushing him away. “I have work to do. Shoo.”

Steve started to laugh as Bucky stepped out of arms reach. “Shoo? Seriously?”

“Fuck off?” Bucky replied as he sat back down. “Or dismissed. But you technically out rank me. So.”

Steve pulled the tank over his head and then ran his fingers back through his hair. “Dismissed. That’s cute. Little shit.” Steve put the sweatshirt on before picking up his pack and portfolio. He patted his pockets down insuring he still had his phone, keys and wallet before he took a step towards the door. “I’ll text you after class okay?”

Bucky hummed in response, already refocused on his writing and Steve just shook his head. He pulled the room door open and stepped out into the hallway narrowly avoiding colliding with someone else racing down the hall way. He readjusted his portfolio as the door clicked shut and head out for his class.

~*~

Steve bounced his leg anxiously as he waited for the professor to finish his lecture so that he could leave. Steve had done more doodling than note taking in the two hours he’d been in this class, and he could fuck all remember what period they were even supposed to be talking about this week. His mind was on the way Bucky looked stretched out under him and the way the younger man keened for him.

Steve finished one last stroke of his pencil before people started standing up around him. He quickly shoved his notebook into his bag before standing up and leaving the class room himself.

He fished his phone out of his pocket and noticed a missed call from Natasha and a text from Bucky. He swiped the screen to unlock it, opening the text message from Bucky. He laughed as he looked at the mess of brown hair across the pillow, the image followed by four of the zzz faced emoji’s. Steve was quick in his reply, simply telling Bucky to sleep well before closing the messenger app and calling Natasha back.

“You rang?” Steve said as Natasha answered.

“You missed lunch.” Was her immediate reply.

Steve chuckled a little, pushing his bangs back up off of his face. “I’ll make it up with dinner.”

“I can’t believe you forgot Steve. I’m wounded. Seriously wounded.” 

Steve clucked his tongue waiting for her to stop her exaggerated whining before stopping next to a bench. “Are you picking me up or do I need to come get you?”

Natasha hummed. “Do you have your big portfolio with you today?”

“Yea, I had figure drawing this morning.”

“Go drop your things, I’ll come get you. See you in fifteen.”

Steve pulled his phone away from his ear as the line went dead and shoved it back into his pants. Truth was, he was starving from only having breakfast. He hurried across campus once again and made quick work of running up to his room to drop his things before going into the bathroom to wash his face. 

Steve stopped cold as he caught sight of himself in the mirror, looking at the way Bucky’s clothing stretched across his frame. Bucky had been right, the clothing was tight, and it exaggerated his already muscular frame. Steve turned to the side a little, his jeans starting to get a little tight the longer he looked at Bucky’s clothing on him before reaching down to flip on the water. He splashed his face quickly, before grabbing at his towel to dry his face off. Once he’d patted his face dry enough, Steve flipped the lights back off and left his room.

Natasha was waiting on the curb next to her car and arched a perfectly manicured eyebrow at him. “Did you forget how to do laundry? Or are you shopping in the juniors department. That’s tight even for you Steve.”

Steve pulled the sleeve to the sweatshirt up his arm a little and leaned in to kiss her forehead. “They’re Bucky’s. I couldn’t find my shirt.”

“Slut.” Natasha smacked Steve’s forearm with a smirk. “Knew you couldn’t keep it in your pants.”

Steve placed a hand on his chest, backing away. “Why Tasha, I’m offended. My delicate sensibilities.”

“Delicate my ass. Get in the car Rogers.” Natasha flipped her hair over her shoulder and turned to walk around her car.

Once they were both in the car, Natasha sat for a moment before she turned to look at Steve, her face pinched a little in concern. “Are you doing this? Are you really going…”

“I like him.” Steve blurts out. “It’s different. I don’t want to just use him. I,” Steve hesitated for a moment. “I’m done running from that hurt. I don’t want to keep waking up next to different people. It’s nice. But.”

“You see how I’ve changed with Clint.” Natasha murmured quietly.

“And with Sam. I wouldn’t have introduced you if I didn’t think,”

Natasha placed her hand on Steve’s arm. “I know Steve. I know that you two bonded while serving together.”

“He’s been my best friend for seven years Tasha.” Steve smiled at Natasha and stretched as much as the confines of the car would allow. “I want to get to know Bucky. He said something today, and it’s been eating at me.”

Natasha turned the car on and looked over her shoulder before directing them out towards their favorite diner. “What?”

“He said he used to be good at this.” Steve paused for a moment and drew his lip ring into his mouth. “I’m guessing he meant S&M? But when we were together this afternoon, he legit asked if I’d let him safe word out.”

Natasha was very quiet for a moment, her fingers tightening on the steering wheel. “What do you mean?”

“He asked if I’d actually listen.” Steve whispered out.

“What do you mean if you’d actually listen?” Natasha hissed.

Steve shifted in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. “I felt like I’d been slapped. It wasn’t even done to me, but the anguish Tasha, on his face? I just wanted to fix everything for him.”

Natasha was quiet for several blocks, fingers still tight around the wheel. She finally pulled them into the diner’s parking lot and parked them, turning the car off and let the silence envelop them.

“Steve. This goes past your paper now. I know in the beginning, that it was going to be a fun thing for you, like the loft and the people there. I know how you are, and I say this with love, but you need to be careful. You have horrible self-preservation. There are emotions on the board now that…” She turned to look at Steve, her green eyes shimmering. “Don’t get hurt. Don’t hurt him.”

Natasha chewed on her own lip ring for a moment as she pulled the keys out of the ignition and dropped her hands into her lap. “Are you going to tell him?”

Steve stilled next to her, his own fidgeting stilled as she turned to look at him again. “I don’t know.”

Natasha nodded. “I’m hungry. You owe me dessert too.” 

Steve just grunted in reply as she shoved her door open, grabbed her purse and got out of the car. He waited a beat before doing the same and following her into the dinner, his hands shoved into his jean pockets.


	6. Policy of Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please note that some heavy topics are discussed in this chapter. They CAN be triggering. Talks of polyamory, depression, abusive relationships, heavy therapy session WITH A PANIC ATTACK, flat out mentions of RAPE (not gone into graphic detail), drug abuse, self-abuse. THERE IS USE OF A RACIAL SLUR. I'm warning you now. I talked with several Veterans to make sure that it would be consistent with someone who's gone through a very hard tour. I mean no disrespect by using the slur, and it DOES NOT reflect how I feel. Please know this is me being true to the characterization I'm writing Bucky with, and they are the words of someone who has been HURT, and hurt BADLY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY it's taken me this long to update. As some of you readers know, I went to Cancun with my family on vacation, and well, when I got home I was offered a job, AND I MOVED ACROSS THE COUNTRY two weeks later. So, things have been a bit everywhere for me, and I've been a bit stressed, which has chased the muses away. I am still writing on this story and it has not been abandoned! :D Thanks for sticking it out with me, I'm going to do my best to be more consistent with the updates.

Bucky stretched awake the next morning as his alarm went off and rooted unsuccessfully for his phone in the sheets of his bed with his eyes still closed. After several failed attempts at finding his phone, he finally had to stand and shake out his blanket to find his phone and stop it from making noise. Thursdays were his longest days, starting with a therapy session across town before coming back to three back to back to back classes. 

He dressed himself quickly, finding Steve’s shirt in the process and throwing it onto the bed before pulling a black wool pea-coat on over the top of his grey shirt. Bucky brushed his hair out of his face, grabbing a hair tie and placing it around his wrist before he pulled his back pack towards him. Double checking that he’d placed his flash drive and the correct notebooks in the bag the night before, Bucky zipped the back up and grabbed his keys wallet and phone off of his desk. He shoved them all into various pockets in his jeans before leaving his room and locking the door behind him.

He was glad he’d managed to get at least the word count completed for the creative writing class, because the story he’d started was far from finished. He managed to make it to the on campus café before the rush and called a cab while he waited for his scone to be called out and sipped at his scalding coffee.

The cab ride to Logan’s office was boring, but quiet, which Bucky was thankful for. He nursed his cup of coffee as he waited for the driver to pull up to the curb, attempting to wake his brain up a bit more before he had to talk. Bucky paid the cab driver, muttering out a small thank you through the passenger window before he turned and looked up the façade of the brown stone building. 

Bucky rubbed at his face before he walked up the stoop and pushing the door open. 

“Hi Anne.” Bucky greeted as the elderly lady sitting at the desk looked up as he walked in. “Brought you that scone you like so much.”

“James you are a darling.” Anne crooned at him as she stood and walked around towards him arms open in a hug. 

Bucky accepted her hug, albeit one armed so he didn’t spill his coffee.

“Logan is running a bit late my dear, he had a late night emergency with another veteran. He said he’d be her soon. Why don’t you sit and make yourself comfortable. I’ll put more coffee on okay?”

Bucky nodded at her and watched her walk back towards the small break area before he walked over to the couch off to the side of the waiting room. Bucky hunched down into the sofa getting comfortable and brought his coffee to rest against his lips, letting the hot steam curl up across his face. 

He’d dozed off slightly when Logan finally walked through the door, noticing Anne had returned to her desk and was working on her computer. Bucky straightened up on the couch, bringing the brim of the plastic lid away from his face.

“Hey kid, you ready?” Logan asked, his voice sounding like gravel.

“I guess.” Bucky ran a hand across his face before he stood up and followed Logan into his office.

The older man shut the door, and gestured towards the two chairs. “Get comfy. I just need to grab my pad and take this damn jacket off.”

“Anne said you got called out.”

Logan looked over his shoulder and arched an eyebrow. “She say on what?”

“You know she didn’t old man.” Bucky waved a hand and rolled his eyes at Logan’s gruff snort before flopping down into the armchair, holding the top of his coffee over one of the arms.

“You look like ya slept more than three hours.” Logan finally said joining Bucky.

“Yeah. I slept for seven last night.”

“Continuous?”

“One nightmare, but that was during a nap.”

“Took a nap didja?” Logan scrawls something across the pad on his knee and looks at Bucky.

Bucky flushed under the stare Logan leveled him with and looked at the painting directly behind Logan instead. “Yeah.”

“Elaborate for me kid. You haven’t taken a nap since your first tour what changed?”

“Never shoulda told you that.” Bucky muttered, scratching absently at his nose.

“It’s my job. Your CO told me quite a few things once we got you back.”

Bucky dropped his eyes back to Logan, feeling that calmness wash over him he got when he’d drop into position. 

“Save your steely gaze for someone who it intimidates bub, it ain’t me. I’m talking about Reed.” Logan pointed the pen in his hand at Bucky. “You met someone.”

“You are creepy in your perceptions.”

“The hickey on the side of your neck is a fucking monster. Don’t play coy.”

Bucky’s hand snapped up in an instant, his ears turning red. 

“Who is it?”

“His name is Steve.”

Logan paused mid-scrawl and looks up at Bucky. “Boyfriend?”

Bucky dropped his gaze off to the side, his hair falling down into his face. He bit the inside of his cheek. “Not sure.”

“Not sure, or no.” Logan’s voice was stern.

“I told you I’m taking a psychology course this semester?” Bucky deflected.

“Mighta mentioned something. Meet him there?” Logan said, steering the conversation right back on track.

“Yes.”

“Are you experimenting with him? Like you did your previous boyfriend?” Logan made another note before looking up at Bucky.

“I don’t quiet think what I did with Brock counts as experimentation.” Bucky muttered out, his stomach starting to turn.

“You have had other partners since then. But since you've brought that up, do you want to talk anymore about what went on with the two of you?”

Bucky was silent, his eyes un-focusing as his chest became a little tighter. He flinched a little, remembering the way Brock’s hand would tighten around his throat, and the things he would say. The fear from saying the wrong thing to Brock and the physical ramifications that would come from that ghosting across his body, making his stomach roll.

“I don’t…” Bucky sat forward and put his coffee cup on the table between the two tables. “I can’t.”

Logan sat forward, getting Bucky’s attention. “I need you to breath Sergeant. You passin out in here does no one any good.”

Bucky tried to suck in a large breath, but saw spots in his vision anyway. “The first time with Brock.”

Logan was silent, watching as Bucky’s eyes became unfocused, a frown forming on his face.

“He was my CO. Suppose to look out for the squad.” Bucky’s breath caught again, and he pulled at the hem of his sweatshirt. “I’d just been promoted. Said he wanted to go over a mission brief with me. I’d seen him around before, in the mess and on duty. He was always real nice. Went to a couple parties and hung out with him. He wasn’t a stuffed up prick ya know? He made a couple of comments, and well, I sucked his dick in the office. He was into it and whatever. Just blowing off steam.”

Bucky keened in the back of his throat, one hand fisting in his hair as he squeezed his eyes shut.

“Bucky you do not have to continue if you don’t want to.” Logan’s voice took on an edge of softness as he watched Bucky suck in another ragged breath.

“He asked me out after a party, like on an actual date. And I was kinda a slut back then, at least that's what he told me. But hey, what’s there to do in the down time other than fuck or drink right?” Bucky’s eyes were completely unfocused at this point.

“James.”

“We fucked around, about two months into fucking around, we’re coming up on this huge drop, and I was going to be out in the field for two weeks waiting for this fucking Hodgie to show up.” Bucky’s breath stuttered, his hand pulled taught against his scalp. “Tells me he wants to try something. At this point, I’m pretty fucking gone on the guy. I mean I wasn’t fucking anyone else.”

Bucky rocked back and forth in his chair a little, a keen barely making it past his lips before he tugged on his hair.

Logan stood up and reached out to gently pull Bucky’s hand away from his face and hair. “James, look at me.”

Bucky’s eyes instantly snapped to Logan’s, refocussing, his breathing still ragged. “That’s enough for today.”

“What?” Confusion was plain on Bucky’s face.

“You’re not ready to talk about this, none of it is coming out in a linear time line. Just chunks of moments that aren't showing the full picture.” Logan’s voice was calm and reassuring. “Lets talk about something else for a bit okay? Tell me about how you slept.”

Bucky clenched and unclenched his fist, attempting to center himself as Logan sat back down again. “I finished my homework last night, and was feeling really accomplished. Worked on my next photography submission. Thought about Steve. Made it easy to sleep. I was feeling safe.”

Logan hummed out encouragement for Bucky to continue.

“Steve is my partner in my psychology class, and he’s an artist.”

“So you guys have something in common.” Logan supplied.

Bucky blinked as he realized Logan was right, he and Steve did actually have something in common other than bed room activities and the army. “Yeah. I guess we do.”

“Has he shared any of his art with you? Or you with him?”

Bucky’s chest was becoming less tight as Logan steered the conversation back towards Steve. “He drew me.”

“He did?” Logan’s voice held a note of surprise.

“I was dumbfounded when he handed it to me.” Bucky paused, fingered splayed out across his thigh. “He said I was beautiful.”

“Do you believe him?”

Bucky dropped his head, allowing his bangs to completely obscure his face. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“He doesn’t know anything about me. Why would he want something that’s broken, and ugly, and not worth the time spent?”

“Are those your words? Or the words of a poisonous CO?”

Bucky hunched down even further. “Does it matter?”

“Do you want to continue with Steve?” Logan asked after a few moments of silence. 

Bucky slowly managed to get his breathing back under control and his hands stopped shaking slowly after. “He sets me on fire, but calms me down.”

“You feel safe around him.”

“I don’t know why?” Bucky said quietly. “I barely know him.”

“Does he know anything about your past with Brock?”

Bucky took a deep breath. “No, not in the way you’re asking. Steve, enjoys dominating people, but he makes sure he has complete consent.”

“Not something that had been previously offered to you.” Logan stated.

“He asked for my safe word, and I had asked if he’d actually listen if I used it.” Bucky finally looked up at Logan. “He had a look of such pain on his face when I asked him, like I’d slapped him.”

“So you trust him to listen to you?”

“He held me close to him and promised that it was what I wanted, or nothing at all. He wasn’t going to take advantage of me or use me.” Bucky could feel the tears as they fell down his face. He made no movement to brush them away.

Logan sat his pad and pen to the side and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees to look at Bucky. “Look kid, you’ve been coming to me for almost a year. We’ve made some good progress. This is the first time you’ve talked about a relationship,” Logan held his hand up as Bucky opened his mouth, “or the potential for one, and it wasn’t just a bar pick up to blow off some stress. Chase it. The best way to heal, is to allow yourself the opportunity to do so. If this Steve can help repair some of the damage left behind by Brock, and you want his help to do so, why not let him?”

Bucky blinked past a couple more tears before finally nodding. 

“Think about it. Take this next week and really think about it. Do not let the horrible things Brock did to you ruin your shot at happiness. Because ultimately Bucky, the only person who can give you a happy ending is yourself. You just need to get out of your own way and take it.”

~*~

The cab ride back to campus was a blur to Bucky. He could barely organize his thoughts enough to answer the small questions the driver was asking him. He dragged himself to the café on campus once dropped off and made his way towards the back of the room. He still had half an hour before his first class, and wanted to attempt at least some form of writing that morning.

“You look like shit.”

Bucky jerked and kicked the bottom of the table, eyes slowly refocusing, before he looked up and found Pepper looking down at him.

“I…Fuck what time is it?”

“You had a rough session huh?” Pepper slid the chair out in front of him and sat down, and slid a cup of coffee across the table at him. “It’s a little after ten.”

“Yeah.” Bucky wrapped his right hand around the Styrofoam cup and brought it up to his face, letting the rich aroma of the coffee wash over him. He had missed his first class by thirty minutes. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Pepper tucked some of her hair behind her ear. “I mean. Do you want to work through anything still rattling around? I know you talked this morning.”

Bucky hummed a little, his eyes flicking over to his laptop which had long since fallen asleep before looking back at Pepper. “How well do you know Steve?”

Pepper pulled her bag up onto the table and pulled out a notebook and math assignment before looking at Bucky. “Are you having second thoughts about starting something with him?”

“That’s….No. I just.” Bucky chewed at the pad of his thumb for a moment. “I am still recovering from a very abusive relationship.” 

Pepper stilled completely and looked at Bucky. “How abusive Bucky? I would never have invited you if I’d,”

Bucky placed his coffee cup down on the table, wrapped his hand around Pepper’s and offered her a small smile. “Nothin to apologize for doll, you didn’t know. I’m not always really good with my words, or talking about myself.”

Pepper squinted her eyes at him waiting for him to continue.

“It was pretty bad. He,” Bucky paused and took a deep breath, willing the tightness in his chest to go away. “He raped me and beat me and emotionally abused me for a while.” The sentence comes out in less than a whisper, and Bucky knows based on the stillness from Pepper that the color had drained from her face.

“Oh Bucky.” Her voice is soft with barely restrained emotion. “Does…I mean I suppose this is not something brought up often. How many people…know?”

“My CO’s, Logan, my Mom and now you.” Bucky’s smile is self-deprecating, a mask to hide how much pain he was actually in.

They sat in silence for a moment, assignments forgotten. Bucky was more thankful than he had words for that she hadn’t pulled away from him, or laughed when he’d said he’d been raped. That was always the hardest part about talking about what had happened to him; being constantly told that boys didn’t get raped. 

“Steve is one of the most kindhearted people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.” Pepper’s voice was soft, but her grip on Bucky’s hand tightened. “I knew him in High School briefly before I moved, and let me tell you, the man you know now is very different from the one I knew. I can’t tell you everything, that’s for Steve to tell you, but I can tell you, Steve will never hurt you. At least, not in a way you don’t enjoy, if you do at all. He will never beat you because of something you’ve done. He will not punish you.”

Bucky brought his eyes back up to Pepper and felt the warmth from her smile, the tightness in his chest slowly easing a little.

“Everyone has baggage Bucky, and yes sometimes we try to shoulder it ourselves, but I promise you, the burden gets easier to bare. The journey becomes easier and lighter when you have someone.”

“Like Tony?” Bucky smiled at her as she rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“That man is a mess.” Pepper laughed. “But he’s my perfect mess. I am grateful every day that Rhodey found him and brought him home to me. To us.”

The media had been none too kind to Tony in his later years as a teen and his early adulthood. Having been constantly in the lime light his whole life for his brilliant brain, the riches of his family and constant jet setting that life style had afforded, Tony hadn’t had much in the way of a support system and fell into very bad habits. By some grace of a miracle, Tony had wandered into a bar while high, where he’d met Pepper, and had tried to turn his life around to be worthy of a woman like Pepper after having spent the next three days with her on and off. 

However, bad habits, negative backlash from the media about suddenly wanting to turn his train wreck of a life around, the changes he was making and rumors sent Tony into a tailspin that landed him in the hands of some very bad “friends”. Rhodey had found him a month later in a seedy motel on the outskirts of LA, a stone’s throw from Death’s door, and higher than he’d ever seen his friend.

“The road to recovery with Tony was hard. There are still days it’s hard for him. Addiction isn’t something that just goes away.” Pepper idly played with the necklace around her neck. “But, this heartache was how Rhodey, Tony and I found out that we fit together in a trio. I know Tony loves me, and would do nearly anything I asked him too, but I wasn’t going to be enough and I am okay with that. That man has way too much love to give, and he and Rhodey have been inseparable since they were little. Much like Steve.”

Bucky’s head shot up and Pepper held her hand up. “I am not saying you will not be enough for Steve. Please don’t misunderstand my words. Steve has had monogamous relationships, and enjoyed them. But since getting out of the military, and experimenting with his sexuality and his desires,” Pepper hummed, “I don’t think he’s ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend while also having a sub.”

“Aren’t they the same thing?” Bucky asked after a beat, his voice flat.

The sadness returned to Peppers eyes and she shook her head. “Oh Bucky, I know these are just words coming from my mouth, but I really wish you had learned or had been taught good BDSM etiquette first. Truly this lifestyle is something that should be shared and respected by both parties. Not something used to abuse and manipulate another person. That is not what BDSM is for.” Pepper tapped her pen across her notebook thinking for a moment as she took a sip of her coffee. She looked at Bucky again, her hand covering his again and continued, “Yes, they can be the same thing, as an ADDITION to an already thriving relationship. Or they can be separate, something as an agreement with a person or people you trust.”

Bucky hummed, and attempted to pull his hand away, but Pepper tightened her grip before letting him pull away.

“Thank you for sharing with me. I know it’s not easy, opening that part of yourself up. It’s a choice that will be left to you. Steve won’t force one or the other on you. If you just want him to dominate you in the bed room and be your friend with benefits, or if you want him with you through everything as your significant other, to weather all the highs and lows that come with battling a demon like yours with you, you just need to talk about it with him.”

Bucky poked at his laptop, waking it back up as he mulled over what Pepper had said. 

“Steve won’t treat you differently.” Pepper said softly after a moment.

“What?”

“When, or I guess if, you tell him.” Pepper tapped her pen against her note book for a moment. “He and Sam work at the VA, and they have had some experience helping people through with some really traumatizing stuff.”

“Could I get your opinion on a couple photos?” Bucky turned his laptop towards Pepper, eyes dropping down off to the side.

Pepper sighed internally and straightened up in her chair so she could lean across the table towards his laptop. She could see the walls slowly starting to be put back up, knowing he’d reached his comfort level of sharing. It was something she had gotten used to seeing while Tony was rebuilding himself.

Pepper smiled and nodded at Bucky and looked towards the laptop as well, not letting the massive subject change become awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love hearing from you guys. :] Thanks for all of the wonderful comments you've left me so far. You're welcome to come chat with me over on Tumblr. @CaptBBarnes I love headcanons and anything else relating to Bucky/Steve. :D


	7. Let It Be Me

Bucky managed to make it to his second class at 1130. He was feeling marginally better after his conversation with Pepper, but his session was still sitting uneasy with him, like a weight that he was dragging behind him. People were still filtering into the class, but Bucky spotted Natasha and Steve aready sitting down near the front where they always sat. Bucky hunched in on himself a little and walked to his usual seat, wishing for the second time that day he’d worn a hoodie instead of a jacket. 

Bucky dropped his bag next to his seat, and caught Steve looking at him out of the corner of his eye. His skin heated slightly under Steve’s gaze, but he refused to make eye contact. He dropped down into his seat, and brought his bag into his lap to pull out his notebook and pen. Fury strode into the room a moment later, and the mood shifted immediately, the other students quieting down.

“So since no one has come to me asking for a partner change, it’s my understanding we’re all good to go. Correct?”

Fury gazed around the room for a moment, watching as students shifted in their seats. 

“Good.” Fury picked a stack of papers up off of his desk and walked to the first row. “These are you assignment guidelines. I really want you to explore your topics. Are there environmental factors? Does Nature versus Nurture come into play? What are three to four significant factors that play rolls into what you’re researching about? Explore them in great detail. I know there will be at least one group that tries, there is every year, but this is NOT a paper you want to try to complete in one week. You will need all the time you can get on this.” He passed stacks to the people in the front row and motioned for them to pass them back. “Your grade will be docked an entire grade if there is no works cited page.” A groan rose up through the room. “A complete works cited page. None of this Wikipedia shit you all seem so fond of. I’m not saying you can’t use it, because there is valuable information there depending on some of your topics, but if your entire works cited page is wiki-whatever, it won’t fly. You have access to hundreds of medical journals and all that the library has to offer.”

Fury turned back towards his desk and waited for the rustling of papers to die down before turning back around. “Alright, everyone have the assignment outline?” A murmur of yes’s chorused throughout the room. “Good. Get your text books out and open to chapter four. It’s an entire chapter dedicated to the methods and ethics of research. Read through the chapter a bit, and start the focus question for the chapter. They’re up on the board. It’s due on my desk by the end of class.”

Bucky finally glanced up towards the board, having kept his eyes on his desk the entire time. Two questions were written out on the board:

“How has animal research contributed to knowledge of human behavior?”  
“What are some arguments against using various alternative to research with animals?”

Bucky pulled his laptop out of his bag again, and set it on his desk, waiting for it to boot back up before pulling the PDF of his text book up. He bounced his leg up and down in an effort to calm the anxiety still bubbling inside of him. It was like he was underwater, and the tightness in his chest wasn't easing at all. Tears welled at the corner of his eyes, frustrated with himself for having even gotten himself into this situation, as well as with the inability to calm himself down. Bucky desperately wanted the noise in his head to quiet, but the more he focused on reading quietly to himself, trying to absorb as much of the information as he could, the louder the torrent of self destructive thoughts became.

His phone buzzed in his pocket causing him to jerk and eyes refocus on what he’d thought he’d been reading.

‘u ok? :(’

Steve’s name was above the text, and Bucky tried to suck in a breath but realized it was harder to breath than he thought. He shoved his phone back into his pocket and slammed the top of his laptop down, his breath becoming even more ragged. Several students turned to look at him as he abruptly stood, and Bucky’s skin crawled. Little black spots began to appear in his vision, and Bucky tilted to the side a little becoming even more light headed but managed to catch himself on the edge of his desk.

“Bucky?” Steve stood up at this point, Natasha half way out of her seat as well.

Bucky shook his head and held his hand up as if to stop Steve from talking to him before moving his hand to clench at the front of his shirt, pressing down to try to ease some of the tightness in his chest.

“Barnes? You alright?” Fury stood up behind his desk.

“I. I need.” Bucky turned and walked out of the room knocking his chair over in the process, his things forgotten on the table.

Steve shared a look with Natasha, only getting a worried glance from her. He turned towards Fury who only arched his eyebrow in question. Steve pushed his chair even further away from his desk and ran up the walk way after Bucky. He pushed the classroom door open, and stood momentarily blinded as he waited for his eyes to adjust to the sunlight outside. Steve rubbed quickly at his eyes, blinking to clear his vision as he looked around the hallway for Bucky.

“Bucky?” Steve spoke loudly. He turned slightly, catching movement out of the corner of his eyes and saw Bucky leaning raggedly against the wall. He watched as Bucky slid down the wall, the other man shaking as he attempted to stay on his feet.

Steve ran up next to him, and crouched down so that he was in front of Bucky, catching the tears falling down the other man’s face. “Buck, how can I help? Please.”

Bucky’s eyes tightened even further, and he shook his head. “I can’t. I can’t.”

Steve tentatively reached out and touched Bucky’s wrist, noticing the flinch, but Bucky didn’t pull out of his touch. “May I hold you?” Steve whispered softly to him, his hand gently moving across Bucky’s forearm.

Bucky shook under his small touches, breathing still coming in massive gasps as he tried to calm himself down. Steve’s heart clenched as Bucky keened in pain, his left hand coming up to grasp harshly at his hair as he finished sliding down the wall. Steve’s heart ached as Bucky pulled completely from his touch, the hand Bucky had fisted in his hair connecting sharply with the side of his head as Bucky muttered to himself.

Steve dropped down to his knees in front of Bucky, and reached out to reconnect the small amount of contact between them. After a moment, Bucky fell into Steve’s chest and began sobbing, hand coming up to clench Steve’s shirt. Steve rocked back on to his butt, and pulled Bucky closer to him, arms instantly encircling the other man and holding him close. Bucky’s breath hiccupped as he continued to cry. Steve hummed out soothing noises, completely at a loss as to what to even say to the other man. Steve looked up when he heard a jangle of keys. Natasha was balancing all three of their bags and had a look of sadness on her face. 

Steve looked back down a little, pushing his cheek against the top of Bucky’s head and brought a hand up to cradle him against his chest even further.

“Shhhh, it’s okay Buck. We’re here.” Steve rocked a little, as Bucky’s tears soaked into his shirt.

“Fury said we could email the assignment.” Natasha said after a few moments, setting their bags down on the ground.

Bucky’s sobs turned into quiet hiccups after a few minutes, though he didn’t release his hold on Steve’s shirt. Natasha sat down behind him, one of her hands coming up to rub against his back soothingly. Bucky snuffled a little and adjusted slightly so he could look over his shoulder at Natasha but not break contact with Steve. 

“Do you have my bag?” His voice was hoarse and cracked a little.

Natasha nodded and pulled his bag towards her.

“In the small pocket, there’s a bottle that says balance will you get it out.” 

Natasha quickly opened up the small pouch, pushing a few things aside before pulling out the bottle he asked for. She handed to him, eyes flicking up to Steve’s briefly before watching him unscrew the lid on the cap. 

Bucky had shifted just enough to be able to have both hands in front of him. Natasha watched as he waited for one drop of the blue liquid to hit his palm before quickly screwing the lid back on, setting the bottle onto the concrete and rubbing his palms together. Bucky buried his face into his palms and took a large breath. 

Steve hadn’t stopped rubbing small circles on Bucky’s back, and Natasha leaned her head down to catch Steve’s eyes. She arched her eye brow at him and Steve shrugged in a small motion. 

Bucky sat back after a moment, and pulled away from Steve and pushed his back against the wall. “I.”

“You don’t owe us an explanation.” Natasha said softly.

Bucky slowly brought his eyes up to look at Natasha, his bangs shielding a good portion of his face. He could feel Steve shifting next to him, and his core tightened up again before he could stop it.

Natasha pushed Bucky’s backpack towards him and sat down cross legged in front of him. “When I was younger, my Mother was very stern. It was how she was raised, so that’s the only way she knew how to be a mom. I come from a long line of dancers, as my mother’s side of the family is Russian. I would practice for hours. Dancing came before everything. If I didn’t get a position correct, it was corrected, and sometimes it was painful. She used to use a cane to keep my foot in position, or step down on the arch of my foot so that my foot was as flat as it could be.”

Bucky pulled his back pack towards his chest and tucked the small bottle of balance back inside of the front pocket, leaning to the side slightly to touch Steve again arm to arm as he listened to Natasha.

“I would cry for hours after practice, and my Mother would tell me to toughen up. If I wanted to become a great dancer like she was or like my aunt or grandmother were, I would smile through the pain. As I got older, I did learn how to smile through the pain. I would smile through broken toes or sprained ankles.”

Natasha pushed her hair away from her face, pulling it up into a pony position before letting it fall back down across her nape. “It changed the way I looked at pain. It also chased me away from home. It’s a destructive lifestyle, and when I turned 19 and realized how unhealthy it was and I was becoming, I walked. I haven’t talked to my Mother in almost seven years. She still refuses to say she has a daughter.”

“You walked away from your entire family?” Bucky asked, his voice horse.

“Not my entire family. My babushka will still talk to me. She is very happy that I have struck out and learned who I am outside of our family. She says we are strong women, and I have proven that true. I may not have become the famous dancer that my Mother wanted, but I have become the woman that I wanted to be.”

Bucky nodded, drawing his knees up to his chest. 

“Class will be over shortly. Lets get you back to your room shall we?” Natasha stood and looked over at Steve, arching her eyebrow slightly before taking a step back.

Steve stood up next, grabbing both his and Natasha’s bags off the ground. “I’m done with classes for the day if you want me to walk you back to your room Buck?”

Bucky hummed a little, the words not quite sinking in yet. His brain was buzzing with static. Half formed thoughts, voices reminding him how worthless he was, why couldn’t he just be normal, why wouldn’t any of this go away? Stop stop stop stop.

Bucky flinched when a hand touched his wrist, and his eyes flew open. Gray blue eyes blinked owlishly before fully connecting with cornflower blue eyes. 

“Steve.”

“Yeah Buck.” Steve’s voice was soft and warm. “Lost you for a minute. You want to go back to your room?”

Bucky nodded slowly and unfurled himself from the ball he’d tucked himself into against the wall.

“You don’t have to.”

“We want to.” Natasha said next to Steve.

Steve helped Bucky to his feet, smiling at the other man, as he readjusted his and Natasha’s bags on his shoulders.

“Come on, I’ll walk you back. Nat makes this amazing mac and cheese, I swear it’s to die for.”

“M’not hungry.”

“More for me then!” Steve smiled again and turned, motioning for Bucky to follow him and Natasha.

Steve bound down the steps, turning his face up to the sky and smiling as he waited at the bottom for Natasha and Bucky.

“How is he always so happy?”

“He fought hard to be happy.” Natasha turned her face slightly to look at him. “It hasn’t always been easy. But he’ll tell you in his own time.”

Bucky turned his gaze back to Steve, the pressure in his chest loosening just a little the longer he stared at the other man.

~~~~~~~

Bucky huddled against the wall of the elevator and watched as Natasha and Steve had a silent conversation with their eyes. Steve had rambled all the way to their building about food and any other topic that he could think of while they walked to keep Bucky distracted. He was thankful for it really, but a good portion of his mind was just exhausted from the stimulus of others. Natasha turned to glance back at him once they reached Bucky’s floor. 

“Steve and I are going to cook some food and we’ll come check on you alright?”

“I’m just going to crash out for the day.” Bucky muttered out without making eye contact as he walked just outside of the elevator.

Both Steve and Natasha frowned.

“Buck you sure?” Steve took a small step off the elevator to keep the doors open. 

“I.” Bucky clenched his jaw and looked up at both of them, his gaze hardening. “Look. I get it. You want someone to take care of. Someone to mother hen. I ain’t it. I’ll work on this project with you or whatever. Just back off. I may be broken, but I’ve been functioning. I don’t need you to magically fix me or some bullshit.”

Steve’s face dropped and he let himself rock back on his heels. “Bucky that’s not-”

“We will talk later James.” Natasha said coolly before she placed a hand on Steve’s arm. “I believe you were hungry correct?”

Natasha pushed the close door button after pulling Steve out of the open doors, and Bucky’s stomach dropped as he watched Steve’s crestfallen face slowly disappear. Bucky sucked in a deep breath and turned to walk back towards his room. 

He slowly pulled his keys out of his pocket and shoved his dorm key into the lock before pushing the door open. Once inside the room, Bucky dropped his bag and keys to the floor kicking the door shut. He methodically stripped out of his clothing, tossing his phone onto his bed once his pants were off, into nothing but his underwear and shuffled over to his bed.

Bucky could feel the tears silently falling down his face, knowing he’d just lashed out at the wrong person. 

~~~

Steve was doing his best to pay attention as Natasha made her way around his room. She was talking animatedly on the phone to either Clint or Sam, he hadn’t heard who, but was finding it increasingly hard to even concentrate on what she was saying. Natasha plopping down in front of him on the bed drew his wandering mind back into the room, and she smiled a little sadly at him and the way he was sprawled across the bed

“You do realize that he was lashing out correct?” Natasha said, arching her eyebrow a bit.

“You’re repeating that aren’t you?” Steve mumbled, shifting so that he was on his side and not on his stomach.

“Yes, I am. You do know how I love repeating myself.” Natasha teased.

“Is that really the vibe I’m giving off? That I want to fix him?” Steve asked, a small whine creeping into his voice.

Natasha was silent for a moment before laying her hand on Steve’s leg and shaking it gently. “Steve. You know what it’s like to be abused. You know how that affects the mind. It’s what makes you such a kind person, and why I adore how your mind works. No. No you are not giving off the vibe that you just want to fix him. If anything you’ve been straight forward in exactly what you’d like to do to him.”

Natasha brought her hand up and cupped the side of Steve’s face, brushing his bangs back out of his eyes. “How long have you had the red?”

Steve hummed and opened his eyes back up, Natasha’s hands scratching lightly against the side of his head. “Bout two months. Why?”

Natasha smiled gently at him, fisting her fingers in his hair and pulling gently, pulling a small smile from Steve. “I think it is time for a change. How do you feel about purple?”

“Purple?” Steve laughed as he wrapped an arm around Natasha’s waist and shifted to lay his head in her lap so she had better access to playing with his hair.

“Purple Steve. Think about it. I could even do low-lights of a darker blue, and highlights of pink.” Natasha smirked as Steve’s eyes closed with his laughter.

“You can dye it whatever color you want Tash, but don't we have blue dye under the sink?”

Natasha hummed, still carding her fingers through Steve’s hair. “Give him time Steve. He wanted your help when he was having a panic attack. Sought it out even. Something happened today. Brought a lot to the surface. Do not let him push you away because he’s trying to hurt himself.”

“I can’t help him if he-“

“Let him come to you Steve. Talking about the abuse you suffered, and are healing from, is hard. He is probably still blaming himself and questioning if his story is even true. If or when he comes to you for this, listen to what he says.”

Steve rolled and buried his face into Natasha’s stomach and groaned. “You had to pick Psychology.”

“The mind Steven is a fascinating thing. The more you know-“

“Don’t even finish that sentence. I know how evil you are. I do not need a reminder out loud.”

Natasha pinched Steve’s arm. “Shush you. Don’t sass me. Now strip. Lets get your hair going so that we can go get food.”

Steve groaned, but rolled towards the side of the bed and dropped his legs off the side and stood up. “I thought you were cooking for me now.”

“Don’t look like such a kicked puppy Steve. You’ll still get food.” 

Steve chuckled and stripped his shirt off, mussing his hair and making it stand with static electricity.

“You should always be shirtless Steve. It is a service to mankind.”

Steve laughed out loud at that, shaking his head with a small smile, a small blush tinting his skin. "I just don't want you getting dye on this shirt. I kinda like it."

“Steve may I make a suggestion?” Natasha said softly after a moment, standing so she was right in front of Steve.

“Course Tash.”

Natasha bit her lip, hand coming up to gently trace the scar on his chest. Steve tensed a little but didn’t pull away from her touch. “Give him a little. Tell him how you got this one.”

~*~

Bucky groaned as the tapping he’d been hearing for the last few minutes continued to get louder. His brain felt like it was full of cotton and his body felt heavy. The tapping stopped after a moment, and Bucky was trying to get his brain to turn back off, and drift back into unconsciousness. He flinched back as his phone started buzzing right next to his face, the light blinding his half opened eyes.

Bucky swatted at the phone and groaned when the call connected.

“’lo”

“James.”

Bucky groaned and pushed the pillow off of his face. “Hullo?”

“James. It’s Natasha.”

Bucky blinked his eyes open, and looked around his dark room, torn apart in his anger and frustration. It was going to take him a while to clean it back up. “Hi Natasha.”

“Did I wake you?” Her voice was soft, but Bucky could hear an underlying current of amusement.

“Um. Yea, actually. But it’s um, ok.”

Natasha was silent for a moment, and Bucky had to pull the phone away from his face to make sure that the call was still connected.

“Natasha?”

“I’m still here James.”

Bucky rubbed his hand down his face and did his best to keep in a sigh. His stomach was still upset, and honestly wanted to go back to sleep. Possibly sleep off the headache as well if he was lucky.  
“Have you eaten anything?” Natasha asked after another beat of silence.

“No.” Bucky scrunched his face up, a ping of irritation ran through him that made bite his lip.

Bucky waited for her to say something more and finally growled in frustration. “Did you want something or can I go back to sleep?”

“Meet me outside in five minutes.”

The line went dead before Bucky could tell her no. He tossed his phone down in irritation and glared at it as if it was the phone’s fault he was now having to put pants back on. Bucky glared at the wall in the dark before kicking his blanket off from around his legs and rolling to the side of the bed. His pants were in a heap next to his bed and he quickly jammed his legs through and pulled them up before walking a little over to his desk and grabbing his sweatshirt. He pulled that on and just stood there for a moment, willing the pain between his eyes to go away.

Bucky ran his fingers back through his hair and then tied it up into a messy bun. He pat along his desk and found where he’d dropped his keys and wallet, after remembering to pick them up from where he'd thrown them when he'd walked in, and shoved them into the pouch on his sweatshirt. Bucky stepped back over and grabbed his phone off of his bed and then sighed as he turned to leave his room.

~*~

The sun had gone down and for that Bucky was grateful as he pushed the front door open and walked out to see Natasha tapping away on her phone. He quickly tucked an errant piece of hair behind his ear and walked down the steps towards her.

She hummed at him as he approached but didn’t look up at him until she finished whatever she’d been doing.

“Hello James.”

“Natasha.” Bucky tried to keep the ice out of his voice, but the smooth arch of her eyebrow was enough to let him know he hadn’t.

“My car is over this way, or would you prefer to walk?” She made a motion with the hand that was holding her phone before tucking the phone into her pocket.

“Walk.” Bucky muttered after a moment.

“Okay there’s a diner down the street that’ll take about ten minutes to walk to.”

Bucky hummed and made a motion for her to lead the way. Bucky followed behind her, and chewed on his lip. After a moment Bucky tilted his head to the side and looked at her.  
“Your hair looks nice.” 

Natasha hummed. “It was time for a change.” She pushed her fingers back through her now black and white accented hair, showing off the jewelry in her ear before flashing Bucky a smile.

“You look like a super hero turned super villain.”

“I do like changes of character.” Natasha winked at him, and offered him a small smile.

They were silent for a little longer, though not as uncomfortable as it had been. Bucky was starting to feel better with the walk, the cool air of the evening helping to clear his mind and reduce the throbbing that pulsed be hind his eyes. He was also extremely pleased, and surprised, Natasha hadn’t started yelling at him. “I’m surprised you’re not trying to rip my head off.” 

Natasha was silent for a moment, pausing at the stop sign next to them, the diner in view.

“Look, James. I don’t know you very well. That much is obvious. There is definitely some hurt there, and I don’t know if you make a habit out of lashing out at people who only want to get to know you, or help you. That’s not my judgment to make. However, I will tell you, Steve is honestly one of the most genuine people I know. He bends over backwards to help anyone who will let him. It’s gotten him into a lot of trouble over the years, and has landed him in some very tight situations. But.” Natasha turned to look directly at him, and Bucky fought not to fidget under that gaze. “Break his heart James Barnes, and I will make you regret life.”

Bucky arched his eyebrow and turned to fully face her. “This your version of the shovel talk?” 

Natasha tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, careful not to snag it on any earrings, and gently tugged on her lip ring before answering. “Yeah, a bit. Now come on I’m hungry.”  
Natasha glanced to her left before stepping out into the crosswalk. Bucky followed after her, shoving his hands into his sweatshirt pockets, his stomach growling a little. The remainder of the walk to the diner was done in silence, but Bucky was feeling better from earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooooooo. Thank you to all of the kind notes and messages y'all have sent me. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Come find and talk to me over on Tumblr. :3 @CaptBBarnes


	8. Breath Me

Steve snorted into his pillow and rolled over with a groan trying to identify what exactly had woken him up. After a moment of not hearing anything, he rolled back over onto his stomach and shoved his hands up under his pillow to cushion his head again. He was nearly back to sleep when the noise came again, and he sluggishly realized that it was someone knocking at his door. 

Steve groaned and pushed up into a push up position before moving off of his bed. Just as he was about to pull the door open, he realized that he only had on a pair of boxers.  
“Uh, just a second.”

He could barely hear the noise the person on the other side said before flipping a light on to look around his room. The boxes from the hair dye still lay piled in the corner, next to a shirt that Natasha had accidentally gotten too much dye on. Next time he was going to insist she did his hair when he wasn’t wearing a shirt.

Steve hopped on one foot as he finished pulling his pants on, not bothering to button them before unlocking and pulling the door open. He blinked in surprise as Bucky looked up at him, and felt the vague beginnings of a blush rising on his cheeks.

“You’re blue.” Bucky stated, gray eyes sweeping across Steve’s features before settling on his hair. 

“What?” Steve stood up a little straighter, cocking his head to the side and sucking his lip ring into his mouth.

Bucky bit his own lip before reaching up and flicking a small section of Steve’s bangs. “You’re blue.”

Steve laughed and stepped aside allowing Bucky into his room. The smaller man only hesitated for a moment before walking inside. Steve’s dorm looked much more lived in than his space at the loft. 

“I like this room better.” Bucky said quietly.

Steve hummed a little, encouraging Bucky to continue as he shut the door.

“It feels a lot more like you. More personality. Plus, seeing your art all over the place is a bonus.”

“This is what happens when no one cleans up after me.”

“It’s not a terrible mess, although, what’s that smell??”

“Tasha, as you’ve already noticed, dyed my hair. It’s the left over chem smell. I don’t care what they put on the outside of those boxes, there is always a harsh chemical smell after.”

Bucky laughed. “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never dyed my hair.”

Steve gasped, and dramatically grabbed at his chest. “Mr. Barnes! Never?”

Bucky smiled, letting his hair fall to cover a portion of his face. “Naw, my parents were weird about that sorta stuff.”

“What color would you want? I’m sure you might be able to convince Tash to put some color in your hair.”

Bucky raked his fingers back through his hair, and quickly tied it up while he had it in his hands, glancing up through his eyelashes at Steve. “I like my hair for right now. But maybe later.” Bucky bit his lower lip, rocking back on his heels a little, eyes never leaving Steve’s face.

Steve’s breath caught in his throat, the blood starting to move south at the look on Bucky’s face. “Uh…You came..here..?”

Bucky blinked, his ears pinking slightly before he shrugged his back pack off of his shoulder. “Right. Um. Two things actually. But they go hand in hand.”

Bucky unzipped his back pack and pulled out a small tablet computer. “If you’re up to it. It, actually has nothing to do with class, but Natasha and I were talking last night,”  
“You were?”

“Yeah, and um, well. We’re both artists. In a way. You’re…way more talented than I am, but I was wondering if you’d like to do a joint art type book. I’ve got a coupon for one of those lay flat art/photo books, and if you want to pick pictures with me, we can leave blank pages in the book for you to draw on, and I can either write for it, or we can write stories in it, I was just thinking that...”

“Can I kiss you?” Steve said suddenly stepping up into Bucky’s space.

“Wha?”

“May I kiss you?” Steve said again, his voice dropping in tone.

Bucky’s face heated up and he nodded, clutching his laptop with both trepidation and excitement.

“Out loud Buck.”

“Yea.” Bucky whispered, angling his face up towards Steve.

Steve closed the space between them, using both hands to cup Bucky’s face, dragging his fingers up through the hair at the base of Bucky’s head and holding him close before slotting their mouths together. Bucky relaxed in Steve’s hands, letting him guide the kiss, and not pressing for more. Steve swiped his tongue against Bucky’s lower lip before pulling away. 

Bucky slowly blinked his eyes open, his face flush and mouth slightly agape. His tongue darted out, licking his lower lip, eyes dropping to Steve’s lip ring before looking up into Steve’s rapidly darkening eyes.

“It was the only thing I could think of to say I’m sorry for how I treated you yesterday that wasn’t super self-destructive. Natasha said it would be something you would be receptive to. You didn’t deserve that.” Bucky turned slightly, but not completely out of Steve’s grasp to set his bag and laptop on Steve’s bed. He turned back to Steve and looked up at him, “Honesty right?”

“Preferably.” Steve replied, his thumb brushing across the top of Bucky’s cheek bone, pulling him back in.

“It’s hard for me to talk about. It’s one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made. It, massively fucked up the way I think about myself, and how I deal with things. Three tours is hard enough.” Bucky could feel his chest getting tight again, his voice cracking.

Steve pulled Bucky up flush against him, tilting his head back again. “Stop.” His hand tightened on the back of Bucky’s head, his other arm dropping down to Bucky’s lower back to support him. “I want you to be able to talk to me about this. I will listen and care for you how you need, if you want me to. I have some experience in doing that down at the VA. That’s for you to decide. If you just want to do this project, and have some fun while we do it, that’s fine too.”

Bucky tensed in Steve’s arms. “I don’t…” The words died in this throat.

Steve’s eyes swept Bucky’s face, his eyes softening at the look on Bucky’s face. He brushed the side of Bucky’s face with the back of his hand. “You don’t want just a fling.”  
Bucky shook his head, hand coming up to wrap around Steve’s wrist still next to the side of his head.

“What do you want then?” The question was gentle and open.

“I want to see where this goes. I’m comfortable with you. It’s easy to be myself, or I mean, the me that isn’t constantly looking for the next threat or assessing everyone around me. My brain isn’t such a cacophony of noise.”

Steve laughed. “Nice five dollar word.”

“Shut up punk. I’m trying to have feelings.”

Steve smirked and kissed Bucky’s nose. “Don’t be such a jerk. I’m only teasin.”

“Says the punk makin light of my feelings.” Bucky teased back. 

Steve gently squeezed the back of Bucky’s neck, his other hand slipping under the hem of the other man’s shirt and trailing upwards slowly. “However can I make it up to you?”  
Bucky leaned a bit more heavily on Steve and brought his hand up to trace at the tattoo on Steve’s side. He pushed a little, trying to back Steve up towards the bed. Steve smiled a little, planting his feet a little firmer and tilted Bucky’s face up towards his again. He kissed Bucky slowly and gently, not deepening the kiss, before pulling away with a smile.  
“Show me some of your photos Buck.”

Bucky blinked a little, staring up at Steve, his mouth slightly a gape, again. Steve gently squeezed the back of his head before stepping back a little further out of Bucky’s reach and buttoning his pants up. 

“I really did wake you up huh?”

Steve smiled a little, and ran his hand back through his hair. “Yeah, what time is it anyway?”

“Almost one, I finished my photo lab assignment early today, and the teacher let me go. Are you hungry?”

“I’m always hungry.” Steve walked over to his dresser and pulled one of the drawers open and retrieving a shirt.

“Don’t get dressed on my account. I’m enjoying the view.”

Steve glanced over his shoulder and smirked at Bucky. He pulled his shirt on, and then ran his fingers back through his hair, not helping his hair to lay flat at all. Steve turned to Bucky and smiled at him opening his arms up. 

“Do I still pass inspection?”

Bucky laughed and shook his head, reaching up to pull the hair tie out of his hair. He shook his hair out a little, belatedly running his hand through before looking over at Steve again. “Yeah I guess. I dunno. You tryin to impress anyone?”

Steve’s eyes tracked Bucky’s movement, sucking his lip ring into his mouth before smiling. “Yeah just this guy I know.”

Bucky laughed and shook his head, bending down to pick his laptop up again. “So pictures. How many do you want to have in the book?”

“Is there a page limit?” Steve asked as he walked back over to join Bucky next to the bed.

Bucky hummed as he sat down on the edge and looked up at Steve. “I think it’s a twenty page start and then any page after that you have to pay like fifty cents for.”

Steve nodded. He nudged at Bucky a little to get him to move up the bed a little before crawling back on himself. Steve yawned into his hand as he laid down next to Bucky and then smiled at Bucky as he woke the computer up and started clicking on a few folders on the desktop.

“You gunna fall asleep on me Steve?”

“Naw, there was a promise of food. I’ll stay awake long enough for the food.”

Bucky smiled and shook his head, leaning a little into Steve before angling the laptop towards him.

~*~

For the first time since the psychology class had started, Bucky changed where he sat, and moved down next to Natasha and Steve. His phone buzzed in the middle of class, and it caused him to jerk, getting a smirk from Steve in response. Bucky rolled his eyes, and then realized that he’d just been staring at the wall for the last five minutes instead of taking notes.

Bucky slid the phone out of his pocket and looked down at it. A text message from Steve and an email from the company they’d ordered from. Bucky had sent out the order for the photo book that night he and Steve worked together to organize the book the way they’d wanted, and given that it was a Friday, the book had been scheduled to arrive the following Wednesday.

“The book got in early.” Bucky muttered to Steve who was currently doodling in the margins of his notebook.

“Did you put it under my name or yours?” Steve replied without looking back up.

“Mine, but we can just pick it up after class and you can take it with you if you want?”

Steve hummed, and looked up as Fury changed the slide in front of them before scribbling down the relevant information.

“I’m sure it would be easier for most of the people in here if he just said that the two types of memories were long or short.” Natasha muttered across Steve towards Bucky.  
Bucky coughed into the back of his hand to stifle the laughter that threatened to bubble forth.

“Tash. And give up learning about explicit memories and implicit memories?”

“Barnes.”

Bucky’s head snapped up, and he had to fight the urge to snap to attention given the tone Fury was using.

“Sir?”

“Since you have a lot to say, why don’t you explain some of the differences between the two?”

Bucky glanced down at his mostly empty sheet of paper, and then back up at Fury. “Um.”

Fury arched an eyebrow and crossed his arms, waiting. The rest of the class bubbled with hush whispers and some laughter; the hairs on the back of Bucky’s neck started to stand on end. He clenched his jaw, and stared down hard at the paper in front of him. Steve’s hand slowly slid across his thigh, causing him to jerk and he looked over at Steve who slid a piece of paper towards him. Steve kept his eyes forward, but his hand didn’t move from where it rested above his knee.

“I’m waiting Barnes. As is the rest of the class. Or are you finished?”

Bucky, clenched his left fist in his lap taking a deep breath through his nose and with his right hand slid the paper from Steve more firmly in front of himself. It was from Natasha with a small diagram.

“Breath. Read what is on the paper.” Steve’s voice was hushed, but the tone of the order carried through.

Bucky nodded, his left hand moving forward a little to touch Steve’s wrist.

“Explicit memories are mostly focused through the medial temporal lobe of the brain, as well as the posterior part of the forebrain, containing the epithalamus, thalamus, hypothalamus, and ventral thalamus and the third ventricle, known as diencephalon.” Bucky looked up to make sure that was what Fury was after, and when the older man didn’t say anything Bucky looked back down and continued, “So this is where the brain stores the facts, and events in our lives.” Steve’s hand squeezed gently at his knee, giving him a small nod of reassurance. “Implicit memories are our classical conditioning, learned skills and habits as well as priming. Procedural memories, our skills and habits are controlled by the basal ganglia…”

“That’s enough Barnes.”

Bucky snapped his mouth shut and looked up at Fury. Fury leveled him with a small glare before turning back to the board and changing the slide.

“As Barnes was saying the basal ganglia is the center in our brains that controls and stores out skills and habits, classical conditioning includes the amygdala, which is where our emotional responses come from.”

Bucky bounced his left leg up and down to try and calm the parts of his brain that were now screaming at full force about the number of eyes and amount of attention directed towards him. He felt Steve shift next to him, and just closed his eyes. 

Bucky could feel as Steve leaned into him, the pressure on his leg becoming a little more weight baring. Steve mouth brushed against the side of his head, and Bucky held his breath.

“Breathe for me.”

Bucky shook his head a little, and Steve rested his forehead against Bucky's temple, pulling him a little closer.

“Breathe Bucky.” Steve squeezed his hand gently. “Listen to me breathing and match me. Come on I know you can.”

Bucky’s chest burned and he squeezed his eyes shut a little tighter, before huffing out a small breath. Steve hummed reassuringly next to him, shifting so that Bucky's shoulder rested on his own.

“That’s it. Come on, I know you can do it. You’re doing so good.” Steve’s voice was barely above a whisper, but it was clear enough for Bucky to hear.

Bucky took a small breath, and Steve hummed into his ear, the blonde’s hand running reassuringly up his leg. “That’s it. Good job Buck, you’re doing such a good job breathing for me. That’s it, now open your eyes.”

Bucky slowly blinked his eyes open, tilting his head down so that his hair covered his face, and angled towards Steve. 

“There are those gorgeous blue eyes.” Steve smiled at him, a private smile that helped ease the tightness in Bucky’s chest. “Need you to take notes for me now okay?”

Bucky nodded and reached forward with his right hand and shifted his note book a little on the table. Steve’s hand didn’t move from his leg for the rest of the class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come hang out with me over on Tumblr, and see how both Seb and Chris make my brain fail. @CaptBBarnes


	9. Make it Rain

“Bucky you’re still looking a little pale, are you sure you’re alright?” Natasha reached across the table brushed her hand across Bucky’s forehead, frowning when he jerked away.  
“I’m hungry and I want to eat ok? Please.” Bucky caught her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze before pulling away completely. “Stop asking.”

Steve joined them again back at the table, sliding in next to Bucky, keys and chains handing from his pants dragging across the bench and aligned them hip to shoulder. Bucky closed his eyes, but didn’t move from Steve. His mind still racing and over analyzing everything that had happened in class. It frustrated him that such a small thing was able to set off his mind, and his need to hermit for the rest of the day. He was doing his best to fight against those thoughts, but wasn’t sure if he was gaining any traction on the thought of staying out.

“Okay. Steve your hair looks horrible.” Natasha turned her gaze to Steve and smirked at him as he brought his hand up to his bangs to brush them back.

“Way to make a guy feel loved Tash. You should talk to the chick who does my hair.”

Natasha hummed and flicked her menu open, bringing it up to cover her face. “You should be nice and let her redo it for you.”

“Oh yes, because I’m providing such a service to her.” Steve jabbed the back of the menu with a spoon, earning a glare from Natasha over the lip.

Bucky smiled at the exchange, fingers drumming across the top of his own menu.

“You know what you want already Buck?” Steve asked flipping his own menu open eyes sweeping across the pages. 

Bucky’s fingers stilled and a hummed a little non-committedly, glancing down at the table. Steve glanced to the side, and arched his eye brow.

“I’d rather not think about it right now.” Bucky replied, eyes not leaving his menu, fingers splaying out before balling into a small fist.

“Would you rather Steve pick for you then.” Natasha replied without missing a beat.

The tips of Bucky’s ears heated up and he stared more intently at the menu in front of him, hand flattening out again. 

“Do you want me to pick for you?” Steve asked, turning so that he faced towards Bucky a bit better.

“It’s stupid. Nevermind, I’m sorry, I just-“

“He enjoys that. It’s a turn on for him.” Natasha replied at the same time Steve said, “Buck, shhhh.”

Steve shot Natasha a small glare before looking back at Bucky. “You’re still really overwhelmed aren’t you? All the attention from class?”

Bucky glared at the table top, shoving the menu towards Steve. He dropped his hand into his lap, body tensing up.

“Don’t stand up James.” Natasha said quietly, her menu not wavering from in front of her.

Bucky looked up and glared in her direction finally, anger winning out in the warring emotions currently going through him. “I’m not a fucking dog.”

“Of course not. You’re just a kitten who thinks of murder all day.” Natasha arched an eyebrow at Bucky as she laid her menu down.

“I don’t mind ordering for you Buck.” Steve said, gently turning Bucky’s face towards him to end the glaring contest he was trying to have with Natasha. “And she’ll win. Clint tries to do this with her all the time. She’s scary good at staring contests.”

“I’m Russian. It’s what we do.” Natasha replied nonchalantly.

Bucky huffed and leaned back into the bar seat.

“Are y’all ready to order?” 

The three of them turned towards the petite red head standing at the head of their table, and nodded.

“I’ll have the French dip please.” Natasha started, sliding her menu towards the waitress who smiled as she picked it up and looked to Bucky.

“I um,” Bucky’s ears started to turn pink again.

“He’ll have a Rubin, kraut on the side please, and a side salad no fries. And I’ll have the American burger, fries, and an extra pickle please.”

The red head smiled at them as she collected the last two menus, “French dip, a Rubin and an All American, you got it. Do y’all want a refill on your sodas?”

“Yes please.” Steve smiled at the girl, giving her a small wink that made her cheeks flush before she turned and walked away.

“You’re such a flirt Rogers.” Natasha said as she pulled her bag up onto the table, fishing out her phone.

Steve shrugged and pulled Bucky back to his side, wrapping an arm around his waist.

“What color do you want to do this time? That blue really did fade out bad.”

Steve ran a hand back through the fringe of his bangs and shrugged. “Just retouch the blue. I kinda like it.”

“Makes your eyes pop.” Bucky offered.

Natasha smirked. “Yes, yes it does.”

~*~  
Natasha left them after the diner to go and meet up with Sam for their afternoon workout session. She kissed both men on the cheek and then waved before walking towards her car, the silver from her jewelry and purse glinting in the sun as she walked. 

“What do you want to do now?” Steve asked, pulling Bucky to his front.

Bucky leaned on to Steve and sighed, tucking his hands into the pockets of Steve’s jeans. “I need to work on some photos for my lab, and then possibly take a nap. A nap sounds really fucking awesome right now.”

“I’m proud of you for today by the way.” Steve murmured against Bucky’s hair, leaving a small kiss at the hairline of his forehead. He rested his lips against Bucky’s forehead, enjoying the warmth of the day and having Bucky against him.

Bucky hummed and pulled back hands moving to wrap around Steve’s hips instead to look up at him. “Why?”

“For working through your anxieties in class. That couldn’t have been easy”

Bucky snorted and pushed away a little, so that he wasn’t completely wrapped around Steve. Steve laced their fingers together without missing a beat and started walking back towards the campus. Bucky followed after him, letting Steve lead him along, all the while studying the other man’s profile. The cut of his hair, and how even with the buzzed side, still added character to his jawline. The way the blue truly did make his eyes pop, and the glint of the sun light as it bounced off the metal in both Steve’s ears and mouth.

They stopped at a light, waiting for the light to change so that they could cross, and Steve finally dropped his eyes down to Bucky’s and smiled. Bucky smiled back and leaned his head down onto Steve’s shoulder.

“What’re you thinking?” Steve asked quietly after a moment.

“You’re beautiful.” Bucky replied as he shifted his bag on his shoulder. “I want to use you for my black and white project.”

“The one online? I thought you’d already submitted to that?”

Bucky shook his head. “No, the one for class. Do a light study with you.”

The light turned and Steve looked before stepping out into the crosswalk and pulling Bucky along. “A light study huh?”

“You’ve modeled nude before right?” 

“Mr. Barnes. Are you trying to get me naked?” Steve asked, sucking in a deep breath for added exaggeration.

“Every fucking chance I get.” Bucky replied with a smirk. “But really, have Natasha touch your hair up. Do a darker blue. I’m going to get some of that physio-tape so I can create dramatic angles on you, and then use shadow to cover up your naughty bits.”

Steve doubled over with laughter. “My naughty bits? Jesus Christ Buck.”

Bucky started laughing as well, shoving Steve gently. “It’ll be high fashion. Shut up. You can bring a friend if you feel uncomfortable.”

Steve rolled his eyes and pulled Bucky towards him again. “Uncomfortable. Yeah. Right. I’ve already blown the photographer. I think I’ll be good.”

Bucky snorted and shoved Steve away again shaking his head. “Smooth Rogers. Smooth.”

They walked in an easy silence the rest of the way back to the dorm, Bucky stopping a couple times to snap some photos with his phone. After the second time, Steve had offered to hold Bucky’s backpack while he watched on with a look of fondness on his face.

The fourth time they stopped, Bucky looked over to Steve with a bashful smile. “Sorry. I do this a lot. Things just catch my eye, and I actually have time to stop now.”

Steve shrugged and readjusted both his and Bucky’s packs. “Doesn’t bother me. I get to look at your ass when you bend over.”

Bucky snorted and huffed out a laugh. “You’re a letch.”

“Just admiring the ass-sets.”

“Fuck. Stop. That’s bad.” Bucky shook his head, another smile on his face as he walked back over to where Steve was waiting.

The breeze kicked up and blew Steve’s bangs across his face, and Bucky lifted up his phone and held the button down capturing a burst of photos as Steve smoothed his bangs back down.

Steve arched his eye brow as Bucky brought his phone back down. “See something you like Sergeant?”

Bucky tucked a wayward lock of hair behind his ear and shook his head. “Naw, just your mug. It’s fine though.”

“You wound me. Truly. Cut deep to the bone.” Steve raked his fingers back through his hair again. “You still wanting to nap?”

Bucky groaned and tilted his head back towards the sky. “Yes. All the naps.”

“Lets pick up the mail and then we can do that.”

“We?” Bucky drew out the vowel with a smirk.

“Clothing optional of course.”

Bucky laughed again holding his arm out for Steve to hand him his backpack. Steve shrugs his shoulder a little to get the bag to slide down his arm before handing it over to Bucky.

They fish out their ID cards when they get back to the dorm and show them to the front desk, and collect the package for Bucky containing the photo book. Bucky handed it wordlessly to Steve as they walked towards the stairs. 

“Not even going to look at it first?” Steve asked as he shifted the bag on his shoulder to put the book inside, before they jogged up the stairs.

“No, I want to see what it looks like after you work on it.”

Steve shrugged. “Okay fair enough.”

Bucky took the stairs two at a time, Steve not far behind him. They walked down the hallway, and Bucky pulled the keys off of his belt before shaking out the key to get into his room.

Steve leaned down and kissed the juncture between neck and shoulder softly before following Bucky into his room. 

They both dropped their bags just inside of the door, Bucky kicking his shoes off as well before walking over to his desk and flipping the small lamp on to bring more light into the room.

“You could always pull the blackout blinds and get some natural light into your room you know.” Steve shut the door and flipped the lock.

Bucky snorted and shook his mouse waking his computer up. “Puts a glare on the computer screen.”

Steve rubbed a hand over his face. “Riiiiight. The computer screen. Nothing to do with your being nocturnal by nature.”

“Told you Stevie. My missions are classified.” Bucky looked over his shoulder with a smirk before turning back to the computer.

“Are you feeling better?” Steve asked after a moment, fishing his sketch book out of his bag, as Bucky worked on one of the photos he’d tabbed open on the screen. 

Bucky was silent, seemingly ignoring Steve’s question, and Steve shook his head as he laid across the foot of the bed, not wanting to push the issue, and watched for a moment as Bucky adjusted the temperature on the photo. There were a couple other clicks and Steve sighed, flipping his sketch book open to a blank page. He started with a couple broad strokes, blocking in the way Bucky was curled in his chair, one leg brought up to his chest while the other rested across the lip of the chair, his ankles crossed to hold his legs in place as his shin rested on the desk lip, making the other man as small as possible without tipping the chair over. Steve adored how Bucky curled in on himself as he worked, the way his brow knit and the way the light from the screen and small lamp played across his features. As he was shading in the valley of Bucky’s cheek, he noticed that Bucky had turned some music on. 

Ed Sheeran’s Make it Rain playing softly from the speakers, Bucky humming along with the words. Steve tilted the sketch book, drawing a more detailed thumbnail of Bucky’s face, before moving on to his hands. Steve was adding in some crosshatching across Bucky’s shirt when a shadow fell across his sketch book.

Steve smiled up at Bucky, leaning back from his sketch book so Bucky could take a look. Bucky wordlessly looked down, took in the drawings with a small smile. He scooped the book up off the bed, holding his hand out for the pencil in Steve’s hand. Steve surrendered the pencil with a small shake of his head. Bucky turned and placed both of them on the desk next to his mouse. 

Steve’s eyes flicked over to the screen, taking in the black and white image of a bridge before looking back over to Bucky. Bucky wordlessly stripped out of his shirt, and crawled onto the bed. 

Steve brought a hand up to rest on Bucky’s waist and tilted his face up towards Bucky’s. “You finish the photos?”

“The ones I wanted to work on right now.” Bucky replied, leaning down onto Steve.

Steve hummed, his hand splaying and pulling Bucky down towards him. “You gunna nap now?”

Bucky brushed his nose along Steve’s jaw and hummed against the skin of his throat. “Yeah.” Steve rolled so that Bucky was closest to the wall, slotting their legs together.

Bucky tucked his face into Steve’s neck, and breathed out slowly.

“I’m doing better now.” Bucky whispered out after a moment, the words nearly lost as he drifted to sleep quickly.

Steve kissed Bucky’s forehead and gently tugged on the elastic in Bucky’s hair, pulling it free and twisting slightly so he could drop it on the night stand. Bucky’s hand tightened in Steve’s shirt before relaxing as he drifted fully off to sleep. 

Steve brushed a hand back through Bucky’s hair softly, leaning down to kiss him gently on the cheek before smoothly extracting himself from Bucky.

He walked over to his bag and pulled out his laptop, sitting on the edge of the bed as Bucky snoozed and started pulling up a few different things he’d wanted to talk to Bucky about. Not only because this was new between them, and the dynamic was so different than what he was used to, but also because it would be useful for their project.

Once he had the right tabs open, he printed off a few things to Bucky’s printer before he set the computer down next to the bed before rolling back over next to Bucky and pulling him back in.

~*~

“Steve.”

Steve scrunched his nose up and tightened his arms, tucking his face further down into the warmth.

“Stttteeeeeve.”

Steve groaned, huffing out a small breath, arms relaxing.

“Steve I have to pee. Stop being an octopus.”

Steve blinked his eyes open just enough to move with Bucky as the other man pushed and extracted himself from their tangle of limbs. Steve groaned at the sudden coolness from Bucky moving and rolled to lay on his stomach, drifting back off to sleep.

Steve jerked awake at the crack of Bucky’s hand landing on the swell of his ass. Steve moaned rolling his hips down a little before shifting to lay on his side and rubbed a hand down his face, to wipe away the last tendrils of sleep.

“Wake up.” Bucky chimed, crawling back on the bed.

“Don’t start things you can’t finish Barnes.” Steve warned, cracking and eye open to peek through his bangs, sucking his lip ring in his mouth as he watched Bucky.

Bucky smirked, pushing his hair back away from his face. “That sounds like the beginning of something I may enjoy the outcome of.”

Steve snorted out a laugh before pushing himself up into a sitting position. “Hand me my computer. It’s off to the side of the bed.”

Bucky tilted his head in confusion a little before twisting his torso and reaching down off the side of the bed. He handed Steve his computer, the look of confusion still on his face.  
“So, our project.” Steve started, glancing up at Bucky before hitting the space bar on his laptop to wake it back up. 

“Our project.” Bucky echoed, the look of confusion slowly becoming a look of trepidation.

“To really explore the aspects of a healthy BDSM relationship, it really hinges on communication.”

“Okay?” Bucky replied, shifting slightly on the bed and drawing one knee up to his chest, slightly covering his still naked torso.

“I’ll be honest, when you asked if I would let you safe word out; that scared me.”

A flash of anger crossed Bucky’s face and he opened his mouth, only to snap it shut when Steve held up his hand. “You do not need to apologize or make excuses, or explain. Not if you don’t want to. What was done to you, is horrible. But you’ll be making informed decisions this time around, consensual ones.”

“I didn’t exactly say no the first time around.” Bucky shot back defensively. 

“Did you feel like it was safe for you to say no?” Steve shot back, glaring slightly at Bucky.

Bucky bit his lip and looked away.

“That’s abuse Buck. Plain and simple. Abuse of power, and taking your free will from you. Your freedom of choice. Everyone should be able to make autonomous decisions.”  
Steve reached out and touched Bucky’s leg gently, tilting his head so that he could reestablish eye contact.

“I pulled up a list, of kinks and other stuff, that I want you to look through. Usually, it’s the Sub that fills these out for the Dom, but for the benefits of both our paper and this growing relationship, I’m going to fill one out too. So we can talk to each other and know what each other’s hard limits are, what we’re willing to try, things we’re unsure about, and things that REALLY turn us on.”

Steve turned the laptop towards Bucky showing him the list. Bucky leaned forward to start reading down the list, his face relaxing a little as he read. 

“I printed out the list, it’s over on your printer.” 

Bucky titled back to look at the printer, before unfolding his legs and getting off the bed to walk over to the printer. He collected the batch of paper and walked back over to Steve, before leaning over to grab two pens off of the desk and crawling back onto the bed.

“Okay first thing on this list, is whether or not you’ve done something. Be honest. There’s not going to be any judgment associated.”

Steve handed Bucky a copy of the list and then looked down to his own. The spent a few minutes going down the list before Bucky looked back up.

“You’re serious. We’re going to go through this and check shit off of a list?”

Steve sighed and set his list and pen to the side, folding his hands into his lap. “Yes. We’re going to talk about the things we’re going to do together. I’m not going to run the risk of me hurting you, or you using me to hurt you. Or you doing something that unintentionally triggers something for me. I’m not into emotional manipulation, and from what I’ve learned of you, neither are you.”

Bucky bit his lip as Steve continued.

“True BDSM relationships are built on the core principles of being safe, sane and consensual. Without consent, and knowing you can trust the person you’re with, you’re just a slave to be used for someone else’s pleasure or pain.”

A pained look crossed Bucky’s face, his grip tightening on the pen in his hand. Steve reached up to cup the side of Bucky’s face, and pulled him closer. “You said you didn’t want a fling. You said you wanted to know where this goes. Even if you had just wanted a fling, we would still have had a conversation like this. Maybe not as in depth. But when real emotions start getting involved. This is important. So I don’t get hurt, and so you don’t get hurt.”

“Unless I’m into that right?”

Steve shook his head, and frowned a little. “Don’t joke Buck, I’m serious.”

“Okay. So we go through the list.”

“We go through the list, and we enter into a contract with one another, a negotiable one. One that can be brought back up and renegotiated. Now, for the context of our paper, we don’t have to include ALL of our personal stuff, we can find a completely different list to include as a source, but for you and me, this list is the most in depth.”

“Steve.”

“Yeah Buck?”

Bucky tilted the piece of paper in his hand towards Steve, and in a stage whisper asked, “What the hell is bastinado?”

Steve snorted out a laugh and leaned back. “I have no idea. Anything you’re not sure about put a line next to it and we’ll do some research okay?”

“Okay sure, sure.” Bucky looked back down at his list and marked a few things before pausing and looking up at Steve a few moments later, “I have a very serious question.”

Steve arched his eyebrow and Bucky, tilting his head to the side. Steve's eyes swept over Bucky's face, watching as the brunette chewed on his lip for a moment, eyes raking over the pages held in his hand. Steve wondered momentarily if he'd come at having this conversation the wrong way, if just coming straight out with it was going to have Bucky closing off and withdrawing, but his body language was still relaxed so Steve wondered if there was something else on the brunettes mind. Steve blinked as little as Bucky's face pinked in color before looking up at him with a little of a smirk on his face. He relaxed a little, shaking his bangs out of his face.

“Shoot.”

“This is all well and good, and I’m totally down to do this later, writing down all my kinks and everything, but for now, I wanna suck you off okay?” 

Steve blinked, his mouth opening a little before closing. Heat racing down his body, mind instantly shifting gears. “That’s what you were trying to start when you came back out here?”

“Yup.” Bucky made sure to pop the P at the end, his smirk widening at Steve.

Steve rolled his eyes, and smiled, “Sure Buck. But that doesn’t get you out of doing this.”

“Oh, no sir. I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Bucky dropped his list and pen down off the side, reaching for Steve’s laptop and setting it down off to the side of the bed before turning back to Steve and tackling him down onto the bed and sealing their mouths together, rolling his hips down onto Steve’s pulling a groan from the other man.

~*~

“Steve it’s been a week! Can I see at least one of them?”

Bucky exaggerated his pout even more and made a grabby motion only to have Steve shake his head and tuck the photo book into his portfolio.

“Not yet Buck, I’m not done drawin in it.” Steve smiled at Bucky and leaned in to gently kiss the pout off of Bucky’s face, only to have the other man exaggeratedly whine against his mouth.

It’d become a routine for Bucky to meet Steve outside of the arts building in the morning after his class on Mondays and Wednesdays. Usually he’d bring a coffee or snack for Steve, but that morning they’d decided to go out for something to eat instead of chilling around on campus.

It had been a little over two weeks since Bucky’s major panic attack in class where he had to leave, and he was dealing with things well. He’d been a little more open with Natasha and Steve, less snappy or so Steve had told him, as well as doing his best to be a little more communicative when he needed his space. Too often though Natasha or Steve would catch Bucky staring off at a wall, fingers wrapped tightly around either his camera strap or his backpack, or tapping out a stucco rhythm against his thigh.

Neither of them made a big deal out of it. Instead asking him about the most recent batch of photos he’d been working on, or how his writing was going. Although if Steve was alone with Bucky he found other ways of distracting the other man’s mind, slowly making his way down the list that Bucky had provided for him and exploring just what turned the other man on. They had grown closer over the last two weeks, but still hadn’t gone all the way, still taking things slowly and learning the eccentricities of the each other, and enjoying the bubble they were slowly creating around one another.

“Steve you said that three days ago. Are you painting in there or something?”

Steve only smirked and adjusted his portfolio on his shoulder.

“I need to start thinking about what I’m doing for my art final. Do you want to sit for me?” Steve replied, smoothly changing the subject.

Bucky’s cheeks flushed at Steve’s question, ducking his head a little so that his hair covered the side of his face. “Sit for you? You mean don’t pretend I see you already drawing me every chance you get?”

“You are still so pensive in psych. It’s adorable. And hello pot, I’m kettle. It’s nice to meet you.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and gathered his hair up into a loose pony before letting it fall back down around his nape. “I think I need to get a haircut.”

Steve bumped his shoulder with Bucky’s and started walking, lacing his fingers with the other man’s to drag him along in the same direction. Bucky stood for a moment until Steve gently pulled on his arm to get him walk. Bucky leaned into Steve’s arm as they walked, their fingers still intertwined and smiled up at him.

“Are you going to cut it short? I’ve only seen a few pictures with your hair at reg length.”

Bucky hummed and chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment. “I don’t know if I’m going to cut it that short. I do like being able to tie it back when I’m working on my writing or when I’m out taking pictures. It doesn’t get in the way. Even though having it that short would make showers a lot quicker. Less to maintain.”

“Are you still going to that park this weekend?”

“Yeah that contest closes next Wednesday, and I want to at least have two entries for it. All of the macro images I have, and I still don’t have the right entry.” 

“Did you finish your short story?” Bucky was quiet and Steve’s brow creased. Bucky squinted at the ground, steadily avoiding eye contact with Steve as they walked. “Buck. Isn’t it due tomorrow?”

“I haven’t really been motivated to write recently. My muses don’t want to talk to me.” Bucky mumbled.

Steve stopped walking and arched his eyebrow at Bucky. Bucky slowly let his hand drop from Steve’s, and looked up at Steve.

“How long have you had to do the assignment?”

Bucky groaned and tilted his head back looking up at the clouds that were passing over head. “Like two weeks. I’ve thrown away everything I’ve written. What was due for a check in got ripped apart. Apparently I used way too much allegory, and it was hard to get to the core meaning of what I was trying to illustrate.”

Steve sucked on his lip ring, pushing his now washed out blue bangs back from his face and squinted his eyes at Bucky. “We are getting food and then we are going right back to your dorm and you’re finishing that story.”

“Come on Steve. We had plans. It’s one assignment.” Bucky pouted again. “I’m not going to fail the class if I don’t turn it in.”

“We aren’t meeting up with Pepper and Tony until later. That gives us plenty of time to finish up that assignment. You will finish that assignment today.”

Bucky groaned as Steve walked up to him. The blondes’ hands came to rest on both of Bucky’s cheeks, tilting his face back a little so that it was easier to kiss the corner of his mouth. “You going to ignore a direct order?”

Bucky moaned quietly, the noise barely a vibration in his throat, his cheeks starting to flush. “Steve.” Bucky’s eyes fluttered shut as Steve pushed one hand back through his hair and squeezed gently at the top of his nape.

“Lets go get some food first and then we’ll start work on that essay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah. I hope y'all are still enjoying. I've got a lot of feels. Feel free to come bug me on tumblr. I may even write you drabbles. @CaptBBarnes


	10. I write SINS not Tragedies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for those of you who've left me comments over the last few days and came and talked to me over on Tumblr. ((slayemlikethewintersoldier, sweethoneysempi, lilvixen25)) Seriously thank you from the bottom of my heart for the encouraging comments, and just how absolutely NICE to me you've been. <3
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy this chapter. I was very fun to write.

Steve had himself plastered up against Bucky’s back, as the other man was trying to get his keys into the lock. Steve nipped at the space behind Bucky’s ear, causing him to groan, and curse under his breath at the same time.

“Steve. I need to actually think. You’re not helping.”

“I’m a gift to your concentration.” Steve quipped back as he licked up the shell of Bucky’s ear, the bar in his tongue adding sensation as he drew his tongue back down.

Bucky tilted his head back to half glare at Steve before giving him a quick peck on the lips. “You’re a fucking menace is what you are.”

“Hey, I fed you. I’m a gift.” Steve tightened his grip around Bucky’s waist and leaned onto him more, pulling an exaggerated grunt from Bucky as he shifted the added weight from Steve, and then shoved Bucky through the door once he was able to shove it open.

“You keep telling yourself that Rogers.”

Bucky elbowed Steve away gently with a laugh, leaning down to pick up the note that had been shoved under his door.

“Uh uh, you’re working on your project. You can read that later.” Steve made a grabby gesture at the envelope that Bucky was holding and stepped towards him. “Give it to me.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and handed Steve the envelope. “Don’t you think it’s weird it was shoved under my door? We usually have to go downstairs for post.”

“It’s probably your floor RN.” Steve replied, tossing the envelope down onto the bed and taking a step towards Bucky, not noticing that the envelope had fallen off the side of the bed towards the wall. “Now where was I with you?” 

Bucky snorted out a laugh. “You’re horrible. Can’t we just go and enjoy the day? It’s nice outside. We can go to the park, and you can draw.”

“And it’ll be nice outside when we go to the club with Pep and Tony. But for now, good sir, you are working on your assignment that’s due tomorrow. Gimmie your shirt.”

“And my shirt is supposed to help you how?” Bucky arched his eye brow and looked over at Steve who was already in the process of stripping out of his own.

“Incentive. Shirt please.”

Bucky huffed and reached down for the hem of his shirt. He pulled it up and over, dislodging the bun on the top of his head. He pulled on the hair tie and shook his hair out opening his hand so that the band rolled down to his wrist as he blinked his eyes open to get an eye full of Steve’s now naked torso. His eyes lingered on Steve's tattoo for a moment before flicking his eyes back up to Steve's.

“That is definitely a view I won’t get tired of.”

Steve smirked at Bucky and closed the distance between them, hands coming up and cupping the sides of his face to lick his way into the brunettes’ mouth. Bucky groaned, grabbing onto Steve’s hips to pull him closer. Steve shifted one of his hands back to tighten his fingers in Bucky’s hair, the pressure on the back of his head causing him to moan and open his mouth wider.

Steve traced his tongue along Bucky’s lower lip before dipping his tongue back into Bucky’s mouth, tongue teasing the other mans before tracing along his teeth and finally his lower lip again. Bucky moaned into Steve’s mouth, and rocked into him gently nipping at Steve’s lower lip. 

Bucky brought one of his hands up and traced along the tattoo on Steve’s side, fingers raising goosebumps in their wake, before moving up and tracing along the one at his clavicle, his other hand flattening out across one of Steve’s nipples and teasing the bar through it.

“Steve.” Bucky moaned out as Steve titled his head back a little further to gain access to his neck. Steve hummed against Bucky’s neck, nipping and licking across the skin, raising small patches of red, but nothing that would last for too long. Bucky raked on hand down Steve’s chest raising small red lines, the other tightening on the blonds shoulder to keep himself standing. Bucky keened in the back of his throat as Steve bit down on the side of his neck, sucking a little before pulling away.

Bucky sluggishly groped at Steve’s chest, his breath coming in quick little gasps. 

“I love how responsive you are.”

“Hnng, your mouth.” Bucky whispered out, body shivering as Steve tightened his grip a little around his neck.

“What else?” Steve asked, his voice dropping an octave, straightening up in front of Bucky so he had some height over Bucky.

Bucky opened his eyes a little further, trying to focus on Steve’s face. “I love your hands on me. Even when you’re pushing me around, I feel safe.”

Steve smiled a bit predatorily and took a step back from Bucky. Bucky whined at the loss of contact. Steve watched his mouth for a moment, Bucky’s lips a darker shade of red from the abuse. Bucky’s tongue briefly darted out to sooth where Steve had nipped and Steve’s cock throbbed in his pants.

“Here’s what we’re going to do.”

Bucky groaned. “Steve.”

“You want my hands baby?”

Bucky flexed his hands into fists before relaxing them at his sides and took a deep breath. “Yeah.”

Steve undid the button to the top of his jeans, and kicked his shoes off all the while looking at Bucky like he was going to devour him.

“Here’s what I think we should do. We’re going to see how well you can focus with outside stimulant.”

Bucky was only half hard, but with the way Steve was looking at him, and the timbre of his voice, he was rapidly progressing towards being fully erect.

“How many words do you need to have for this story?” 

Bucky bit his lower lip, worrying at it a little, and watched as Steve moved towards the little side table next to the head of his bed. He must have groaned out loud, because Steve turned a little and looked at him. Steve’s face got a little serious as he stood up and arched an eyebrow at Bucky.

“Buck.”

Bucky’s eyes snapped up to Steve’s face and he flushed. 

“Ditch the jeans.” Steve’s voice came out like a whip, words precise as he turned back towards the bedside table. 

Bucky thumbed the button on his jeans and quickly wiggled out of them, thankful he was wearing a looser fit today. He let them pool at his ankles, toeing at his shoes before kicking them and his pants off. 

“Turn your computer on.” Steve ordered as he straightened back up and looked at Bucky. 

Bucky turned slowly, eyes not moving from Steve’s until he absolutely had to look at what he was doing. He made quick work of flipping the side lamp on, turning his mouse on before reaching over to boot his iMac up. It made the soft chime that it was booting up and Bucky turned back around to look at Steve. His breath caught in his throat as Steve crowded up against up, one had reaching down to grope his ass and the other coming up next to his neck.

“I asked you a question Buck.”

Bucky titled his head back to give Steve better access to his throat before blinking his eyes back open. “It has to be at least three pages, double spaced so it’s easier to edit and write feedback.”

Steve pushed his thumb gently against Bucky’s Adam’s apple, drawing it up and under the curve of his mandible, pulling a sigh from Bucky. Steve moved the hand from Bucky’s ass up to his waist and tilted him back a little further to stretch out his torso. “Okay. Are there any prompts you need to write from or it is a free for all?”

Bucky’s heart thudded rapidly in his chest, his cock throbbing in the confines of his boxers. He wanted the friction of pressing up against Steve, but Steve was holding him in a way that if he tried, they’d be thrown off balance. Steve tightened his hand gently around his throat.

“Color?” Steve whispered against Bucky’s collar bone.

“Green. Steve…Steve please.” Bucky’s hands gripped tightly onto Steve to hold him up, as his legs were beginning to protest standing the more Steve ghosted touches across his neck and shoulders.

“Is there a prompt or is it free-for-all?”

Bucky groaned again, tilting his face a little away from Steve to suck in a breath. “Free-for-all. I can write whatever I want.”

Steve backed Bucky up a little closer to his desk, leaning down to suck a mark onto Bucky’s collar bone. “Here’s what’s going happen. You’re going to turn around, and start typing. I am going to slowly work you open on my fingers, getting you ready for part of your outfit for when we go out to the club. You are not allowed to cum. If, IF you are able to finish before I get the plug completely inside of you, I may be generous and suck you off. If not, you’re going to wear a cock ring tonight too.”

Bucky groaned, fingers tightening on Steve’s arms. “Fuck fuck, Steve.” He moaned again as Steve bit gently into the small red mark he’d just made. “What about you?”

“Nu-uh. This is about you. Don’t shift the focus.” Steve dropped both hands and gripped Bucky’s ass suddenly, pulling them flush together and rolled his hips onto Bucky’s. 

Bucky’s entire body shuddered as he leaned forward to capture Steve’s lips.

“Sound good?” Steve whispered as he pulled back slightly.

“I’m wearing a plug tonight?” Bucky smirked at Steve, pecking the side of his mouth before stepping back a little.

“Told you I had a surprise for you. It will be your first time out with me after all.” Steve squeezed Bucky’s ass gently, eyes roaming over Bucky’s face.

“The place is safe right?” Bucky bit his lip, one hand dropping down to rub the seam of his boxers back and forth. 

Steve reached forward and gently pulled Bucky’s hand away from his boxers, and brought it up towards his mouth, laying a gentle kiss on his fingers. “Tony owns the place and it is strictly invite only. These are people that he’s vetted, it’s not like the Loft.”

Bucky hummed a little.

“Do you still want to go or would you rather just go dancing? That’s not going to get you out of what we’re doing right now though.”

Bucky chuckled as he pulled his hand away from Steve’s mouth, and reached up to tie his hair into a messy bun. “Yeah. One track mind you’ve got there Stevie.”

Steve growled and crowded into Bucky again, one hand once again tilting Bucky’s neck back and the other circling his waist. Bucky’s eyes glazed over a little at the manhandling and smiled at Steve. Steve pushed him onto the desk, knocking off the cup full of pens and sealed their mouths together.

Bucky moaned into Steve’s mouth, tongue darting out to meet Steve’s in the middle and nipped harshly at the blondes’ lower lip. Steve returned in kind, nipping and sucking until Bucky pulled away with a harsh gasp and his lips a darker shade of red.

“Time to write Buck. I sure hope you’ve got an idea.” Steve put both of his hands on Bucky’s hips, laid one more semi-chaste kiss upon the brunette’s mouth, before pulling him up onto his feet and then turned him towards the computer.

Bucky shivered as Steve trailed a finger down his spine stopping at the waist band of his boxers before snapping the elastic. Bucky’s hips jerked, and Steve chuckled behind him. Steve pushed Bucky gently between the shoulders so that he was bent at an angle, his forearms resting on the desk while his hips were pushed up and his ass presented. 

Steve ran his hand over the swell of Bucky’s ass, cupping gently, before leaning down over Bucky and licking the shell of his ear before nipping softly. 

“Open up Word baby, and let me know when you’ve got a paragraph. Do not turn around unless I tell you too okay?”

“Sir, yes sir.” Bucky mumbled out as he reached for his mouse. It earned him a slap to the ass, which caused his cock to throb and a groan to escape his mouth. 

“Cheeky.”

“You like it.”

Steve smacked the other side of Bucky’s ass hand smoothing over after to ease the sting, gaining another hiss/groan before stepping back and looking at Bucky bent over his desk. Steve palmed himself through his boxers, readjusting before walking back over to the bed side table. He opened the small drawer open and pulled the bottle of lube out, before leaning down to grab his bag and pull out the new plug, making sure the remote was still inside of his bag. He set the plug down on the bed, and let his bag drop back down to the floor, and then turned to watch Bucky. Steve could see the glare on the other man’s face as he struggled to get words down onto the proverbial page, and Steve’s heart clenched. 

“Do you have a paragraph yet Buck?”

Bucky’s fingers hovered over the key board as he looked at the meager sentences he had. He hated what was up on the screen and groaned as he got even more frustrated. “No.” The word was clipped and forced out.

Steve clicked his tongue, and walked back up behind Bucky. He set the bottle of lube down just inside Bucky’s field of vision, and then laid himself over across Bucky back, so he could rest is chin on Bucky’s shoulder, making sure his cock lined up between Bucky’s cheeks.

“That’s not good baby. What am I going to do with you?” Steve ran his hands down from Bucky’s pectorals, gripping the muscle roughly, making Bucky’s hips jerk before moving down to his abs and then finally the V of his hips. Digging his fingers into Bucky’s hips, Steve nipped at the trap muscle on Bucky’s left arm, tongue laving over a batch of scar tissue, making the other man shiver as he rolled his own hips forward onto Bucky’s ass.

Bucky whined, his fingers stilling on the keyboard.

“You stop, I stop.” Steve warned, eyes flicking up to the screen in front of them.

“Steve. I can’t.”

“You can’t what? Write me a nice story so that we can go out and enjoy the day? You can’t be my good boy and do such a simple task?” Steve brought one hand up to grip under Bucky’s chin and tilt his head back, arching his back in a way that boarded uncomfortable given the position he was in. “Be specific. What can’t you do Bucky?”

Bucky whined, pushing back onto Steve, which earned him a swift swat to his thigh.

“Bad boys don’t get rewarded, you have to earn my cock, and so far you haven’t even earned my fingers.”

“I’m sorry sir.” Bucky moaned, as Steve tightened his grip on his jaw before roughly letting him go and pointing at the screen.

“Sorry he says. And yet, there’s no story for me to enjoy. You enjoy mythology so much, write me something new.” 

Steve pulled away and watched Bucky’s fingers slowly moved across the keyboard, as if truly struggling. The blonde shook his head, glancing over at the stack of books next to Bucky’s desk, and then up at the pictures on the wall and around the desk. After a few moments of meager typing Steve huffed out an exaggerated sigh.

“Count them out for me.” Steve’s hand landed shortly after on Bucky’s left cheek. 

Bucky hissed, but whispered out “One.”

Steve crossed his arms, “Take your boxers off.”

Bucky hesitated for a moment before straightening out and hooked his fingers into the band of his boxers and pushed them off, letting them pool at his feet before kicking them to the side.

“Back into your position.” Steve ordered, arms still crossed as he watched Bucky.

Bucky complied wordlessly, fingers resuming their meager typing across the keys.

“Mythology?” Bucky asked after a moment.

Steve hummed in agreement, before bringing his hand down across Bucky’s ass again. Bucky groaned, and whispered out two barely loud enough for Steve to hear.

Bucky sucked in a deep breath and erased everything on the page. Steve squinted, leaning back over Bucky and hummed out a disapproving noise.

“And yet the page is blank again.”

Steve let three fall in succession, alternating sides, before smoothing his hands up Bucky’s sides.

“I finally had an idea.” Bucky breathed out, his voice breathy with lust.

Steve hummed in approval, hand gently ghosting over the red mark on Bucky’s ass before reaching for the lube. 

“What’s your idea?” Steve thumbed the cap open on the lube, and waited for Bucky to begin typing. Steve stood up, watching as the cursor moved across the screen, and held the bottle in his hand to warm the liquid inside.

“Modern take on the Persephone and Hades myth.”

Steve nodded, although Bucky couldn’t see him. “That sounds fun.”

Steve dropped a little lube onto his fingers, reaching down and trailing them gently between Bucky’s cheeks, making the other man arch from surprise. Bucky recovered quickly, and settled back down his fingers started moving quickly across the keyboard again and once Steve was satisfied with the progress Bucky was making, pulled his hand away adding a little more lube, before setting the bottle on the floor and kneeling down behind Bucky.

“Just making sure, color?”

Steve’s hand hovered over Bucky’s skin, eyes looking up to watch. Bucky hesitated over the keyboard for a moment, before replying. “Green.”

Steve nodded and reached forward, using one hand to pull one of Bucky’s ass cheeks to the side, before running the tip of his finger around his entrance. Bucky groaned, fingers rapidly hitting one key before continuing a steady flow of clicks. Steve continued to tease, and push gently against Bucky’s hole before slipping just the tip of his index finger inside.

Bucky moaned, pushing back slightly, before stilling.

“Good boy.” Steve readjusted his grip on Bucky’s cheek before pushing his finger in a little further before pulling out gently. Steve continued like this for a bit, slowly working his finger deeper and deeper inside of Bucky. Steve nipped the muscle of Bucky’s ass, causing the other man’s cock to twitch between his legs. Steve slowly increased the motions of his finger inside Bucky, until Bucky was whining softly under his breath.

“You have something you need?” Steve asked, curling his finger and pulling it out slowly.

Bucky moaned as Steve toyed with his rim, readjusting his stance just a little. “More.”

“More what?”

“Add another finger.” Bucky replied quickly, his fingers not stopping what they were doing.

Steve hummed and let go of Bucky’s ass to reach for the lube and add more to his fingers before pulling out completely and circling Bucky’s entrance with two. He pushed in slowly, flicking the tips gently against the rim before pushing in completely. Bucky moaned out loud, his hands flattening out on the desk in front of him as his toes curled under him.

“Like that?” Steve husked, licking the jut of Bucky’s hip. 

Bucky groaned but continued typing. Steve pushed up into Bucky again curling his fingers, not yet seeking out the other man’s prostate, but seeking to stimulate him as much as possible. Steve built up a good rhythm working his fingers in and out of Bucky, and slowly Bucky started working himself back onto Steve’s fingers as he worked, breathy little ah’s and groans being caught behind abused lips as Bucky kept his teeth buried in his lower lip to prevent the sounds from escaping.

Steve finally curled his fingers just enough to find Bucky’s prostate and pushed directly onto it. “Tell me about your story Buck, you’re awfully quiet.”

“Jesus FUCKING CHRIST.” Bucky dropped his head into the curve of his right arm, his left arm snapping out to steady himself on the desk so he didn’t sink down onto his knees.  
Steve rubbed along the gland for a moment, Bucky’s cock steadily drooling precum onto the floor under him before pulling his hand back and shallowly thrusting his fingers back inside. 

“Baby boy, tell me about your story.” Steve curled his fingers and pulled out slowly, using his index to gently push circles around the relaxing muscle.

“Hades runs a gothic themed, ohfuckk, coffee shop.” Bucky sucked in a deep breath, his arm twitching before continuing, “It’s on the bottom floor of the Olympus building right next to a jewelry store.” Bucky moans as Steve pushed back inside, the stretch of a third finger making him arch and push back onto Steve’s fingers. “He-“

Bucky moaned head tipping down again as he fought to stay standing.

“He what baby?”

Bucky sucked in a deep breath, groaning as Steve pushed his fingers back in slowly and continued typing. “He lives in the basement apartment. No one has noticed or cared.”  
“Sounds lonely.” Steve hummed, nipping at the skin of Bucky’s thigh.

Bucky blew out a breath and hummed in reply.

“What else?” Steve prompted as he curled his fingers, pulling out just a little to add a little more lube.

“Persephone and her Mom own a flower shop across town.”

Steve nodded, stilling his fingers inside of Bucky before reaching forward to wrap his other hand around Bucky’s cock. The other man thrust forward, knees giving out briefly, before he caught himself on the edge of the desk. 

“Steve. Steve, you, I. Hnnng.” 

Steve chuckled. “Sensitive?”

Bucky’s jaw clenched as he fought not to turn and glare at Steve.

“Good boy for remembering. I’m going to get the plug now.” Steve stroked Bucky’s cock slowly before, pulling his fingers out and grabbing Bucky’s discarded underwear to wipe his fingers on. “So what else?”

Bucky readjusted on his feet, widening his stance a little, his cock hanging swollen and red between his legs glistening with lube and precum.

“Persephone is out on a delivery when she stops at the coffee shop. She’s upset when she goes in, things haven’t been going that well between her and her mom. She ends up unloading her life story on the barista, who also happens to be Hades. After she’s done telling him this, he points towards the stair case, and mentions there’s a second apartment, and since he leases this whole section of the building, she’s welcome to it for however long she needs.”

Steve hums as he pulls the plug from its packaging looking it over. “How generous.”

“She takes him up on it, and then starts helping out at the shop part time, because she doesn’t want to be seen as a burden, and wants to repay his kindness.”

Bucky’s fingers still momentarily on the keys and Steve glances over, brow creasing with worry for a moment. “Color?”

“Green. Just stuck for a second.” Bucky rapidly hit the backspace button, rolling on the balls of his feet for a moment as he arched his back before dropping back into the position Steve had left him in.

Steve walked back over and ran a hand up Bucky’s back setting the plug down next to the lube, and dipped down to kiss between his shoulder blades. “You almost finished?”

Bucky hummed, his restless movement stilling as Steve placed a hand on his hip.

“A romance builds between them.” Bucky supplies without being prompted.

Steve peppers kisses down Bucky’s back, hand reaching back towards his front to slowly stroke Bucky’s cock, pulling a long moan from the other man.

“Her Mom can’t like that.”

Bucky cursed under his breath before answer, “She hates it, thinks her daughter is being forced, because what could she see in someone like him?”

Bucky groans as Steve’s hand stills on his cock, “Doesn’t like that he’s different?” Steve’s voice is quiet.

Bucky rocks forward a little before pushing back onto Steve. “Can’t see the happiness right in front of her.”

“So they’re happy?” Steve resumes slowly jacking Bucky as Bucky’s fingers move across the keyboard.

“She enlists Zeus’s help, because he is the one who Hades is leasing from.”

“Aren’t they brothers?”

Bucky’s body shivers as Steve teases at his hole again. “Yeah, well. Everyone’s related to everyone in Greek mythology.”

Steve swats Bucky’s ass, making him yelp. “Cheeky little shit.”

“Demeter demands that Hades return her her daughter, that he’s keeping her from her mother and obligations. Unknown to everyone, the two of them had eloped.”

Steve knelt down to pick up the plug and the lube. He stood up and watched Bucky’s monitor for a moment before he squeezed a dollop of the liquid out onto the tip of the plug. Steve set the bottle of lube back on the desk, and then reached with his free hand to palm Bucky’s ass before teasing the plug between Bucky’s cheeks. Bucky’s breath hitched a little, but he relaxed, shifting his footing again so that he was more stable before Steve pushed the plug at Bucky’s entrance. “Does that cause issues?”

“Well Demeter was more the business side of operations, Persephone had the gift for the arrangements and picking out the flowers, so since she hadn’t been helping as much at the flower shop, business has gone down, and Demeter delivered some not so good arrangements to Hera.”

“Bet that pissed her off.” Steve replied back, pushing the toy forward a little.

“Zeus wants a happy wife, and his wife wants flowers, fuuuck Steve.” Bucky’s fingers stilled again on the keyboard as Steve pushed the toy forward, stretching out his rim just a bit.  
“Remember baby boy: you stop, I stop.” Steve kept the pressure consistent, but didn’t move the toy forward at all. “Are you close?”

“To cumming or being done?” Bucky huffed out, readjusting slightly.

Steve’s eyes narrowed slightly. “You had better not cum Bucky.”

“Sir, may I tie my hair back up?”

Steve pulled the toy away and took a step back. “Go ahead.”

Bucky took a deep breath and stood up, and rolled his shoulders before sweeping his fingers back through his hair and pulling it atop his head before tying it off with the elastic around his wrist. Steve crowded up behind him, rubbing his still covered erection across Bucky’s ass and leaving a trail of kisses across the other man’s shoulders.

“So good for me.”

Bucky keened softly in the back of his throat, leaning back into Steve and closing his eyes. “You gunna keep being good for me Buck?”

Bucky whined, nodding his head, moving slowly as Steve nudged him forward with a small thrust of his hips.

“Back into position. You looked so pretty spread out on my fingers, want to see you spread out on this plug.”

Bucky’s cock twitched, and his breath hitched as he moved to comply. “Steve?”

“Yeah Buck?” Steve smoothed his free hand down Bucky’s back, as Bucky dropped back down onto his forearms and pushed his ass back out.

Bucky’s fingers tapped quickly on his keyboard before he spoke again, “Can I ask you for something?”

Steve pushed the plug back at Bucky’s entrance, just applying pressure and not penetrating yet. “Of course Bucky. You can ask me for anything.”

Bucky’s skin flushed pink, and he groaned as Steve pushed forward with the plug again, this time slipping a little further inside, and making his skin pebble with goosebumps. His cock throbbed from the stretched and Bucky hissed.

“How close are you?” Steve pulled the plug back before pushing it back in a little deeper this time.

“Another paragraph.” Bucky breathed out, his hand shaking above the keyboard.

“To cumming?” Steve pressed forward again, tilting the plug a little more to stretch Bucky’s rim again before pulling out a little.

Bucky whined pushed back onto the plug, earning him a quick strike from Steve. “You’ll get what I give you. Answer the question.”

“I’m fine.” Bucky bit out.

Steve chuckled a little, and pushed a little more steadily with the plug. Bucky cursed and shook his head. 

“You need me to stop Buck?”

“No. No I’m almost done. Fuck. Steve.” Bucky moaned as Steve nipped at his hip, sucking a small mark.

“Someone wants a reward.” 

“You. Are. A fucking menace.” Bucky groaned out before slapping his hand down on the desk. “I’m done. Fuck. You’re a goddamn tease.”

Steve growled and readjusted his grip on the plug, his free hand tightening on Bucky’s hip. “You are??”

“Steve, please, give it to me.” Bucky pushed his ass out a little further, forcing the plug inside more.

“I will give you what you need.” Steve pulled the plug out so that just the tip was keeping Bucky’s hole stretched, grabbing the bottle of lube and drawing a thin trail up the plug before flicking the cap back into place and dropping the bottle to the floor. Steve shifted on his knees, hand reaching back up to grab the swell of Bucky’s ass and stretch a cheek to the side, working the plug back inside.

“You look so gorgeous Buck, god I wish you could see yourself. I should do this in front of a fucking mirror so you could watch me work you open. Bend you over the nearest flat surface and make you watch.”

Bucky’s cock twitched, and he moaned loudly, pushing back as much as Steve’s grip would allow. Steve focused on working the plug forward slowly, watching as Bucky’s hole stretched to accommodate the widest part of the plug before slowly closing around the base. A flush spread out across Bucky’s skin as Steve traced his fingers around the rim and the base of the plug.

“Fuck.” Steve tapped on the base of the now seated plug and let go of Bucky’s ass in favor of reaching around to stroke Bucky’s cock. Bucky keened high in his throat, unsure of which direction to rock his hips.

“It’s in Buck. How do you feel?”

Bucky moaned again as Steve squeezed gently around his cock. “Steve.” Bucky’s legs were shaking and Steve rubbed a reassuring hand up them.

“You did so good for me. You can turn around now.” 

Bucky turned quickly, shifting the plug inside of him and moaned loudly, reaching down to make grabby hands at Steve. “I need you.”

“You have me.”

“Fucking kiss me.” Bucky growled, trying to pull Steve up towards him while staying standing.

Steve stood with a smirk on his face as he leaned in. “You’re awfully demanding.”

“I have spent the last thirty minutes alternating between being stretched out on your fingers, and being stretched by this plug, WHILE trying to fucking concentrate on writing a story that’s due tomorrow. I want to fucking kiss you, and hopefully cum.”

“Is this you asking?” Steve reached up and grabbed the back of Bucky’s head, holding him in place.

“Can I please?” Bucky whispered, swaying a little in Steve’s grasp.

“You have been so good for me.” Steve dropped his left hand, reaching around to grip Bucky’s ass and pulled the other man flush up against him. Bucky moaned at the friction on his cock, a fresh bead of precum dripping from the tip, and sucked in a breath from the light tap of Steve’s finger on the base of the plug.

“Preferences?” Steve murmured, his eyes searching across Bucky’s face.

Bucky’s eyes were glazed with lust, his mouth open slightly as he sucked in small breathy gasps. “Seriously?”

Steve squinted at Bucky. “Yes. Seriously.”

“Choice is yours sir.” Bucky leaned onto Steve, tilting his head back a little to expose his neck.

Steve groaned, and leaned in to lick a stripe from Bucky’s jaw to his shoulder. “And if I said you had to wait till after the club.”

Bucky whined, rolling his hips forward into Steve’s. “Then I wait.”

Steve sucked a small mark on to Bucky’s chest, just below his collar bone. “Think you could sit with the plug inside of you?”

“I’ll fucking figure it out.” Bucky groaned, fingers flexing and grasping Steve’s biceps to pull Steve closer.

“Go sit on the edge of the bed, and keep your legs spread for me baby, I wanna see you.”

Bucky’s cock twitched against Steve’s hip. Steve kissed Bucky thoroughly again, teeth nipping at Bucky’s bottom lip before patting his ass. “Go.”

Steve pulled away from Bucky and gestured to the bed, watching with hungry eyes as Bucky moved, steps a little twitchy from the added stimulation of the plug. Bucky turned and sat down gingerly on the edge of the bed, spreading his legs into a V, showing off the flush traveling from his chest down to his groin and his erection. Steve groaned and crossed over to him quickly, dropping to his knees in front of Bucky.

“Still good babe?” Steve ran his hands up Bucky’s thighs, squeezing as he neared Bucky’s hips.

“Yes yes, please.”

Steve hummed and finally leaned in and licked a stripe from base to tip, hands catching Bucky’s hips as they rolled up off of the bed. “Shhh, I’ve got you.” Steve husked out as he lapped at the tip before opening his mouth wider and taking in half of Bucky’s erection.

Bucky moaned loudly, hands reaching up to fist into Steve’s hair. “FUCK.” 

Steve groaned as Bucky pulled on his hair, opening his mouth wider and taking more of Bucky’s cock into his mouth. He hollowed his cheeks and pulled up slowly, sucking as he did so. Bucky’s legs twitched and Steve hummed. He pulled off, tonguing the slit.

“Cum when you need to.”

“Steve I’m close.” Bucky groaned out, fingers tensing and releasing before repeating the motion.

Steve tongued Bucky’s slit again and opened his mouth to swallow him back down. Steve flattened his tongue on the underside of Bucky’s cock and swallowed around him. Bucky’s hips hitched up again, and he let go of Steve’s hair to fall out flat across the bed. Bucky rocked his hips up as far as Steve’s hands would allow him off of the bed, moving the plug inside of him; he keened in the back of his throat, heat pooling in his stomach.

Steve swallowed around Bucky again, humming at the burst of precum, before pulling off to suck gently at the tip just to bend down and swallow around him again.

Bucky rocked his head from side to side as he moaned out, fingers gripping the comforter. “Steve fuck fuck I’mma cum.”

Steve hummed in reply and tightened his grip on Bucky’s hips. Bucky squeezed his eyes shut and brought one hand up to fist in his own hair as Steve’s tongue ring pressed into his frenulum and the heat washed through him as he came. Bucky moaned hips trying to press up towards the wet heat around his cock as Steve swallowed around him.

Bucky keened in the back of his throat as Steve sucked him through his orgasm, batting halfheartedly to get Steve to pull off.

Steve pulled back and gently lapped at the tip of the brunets cock before Bucky’s whines became too insistent.

“You okay baby?” Steve knelt up and crawled so that he was on all fours over Bucky.

Bucky sluggishly blinked his eyes back open to look up at Steve. “Fucking plug is still pushing on my prostate. Oh my god.”

Steve laughed and leaned down to kiss Bucky. Bucky opened his mouth as Steve licked across his lower lip and hummed happily.


	11. Ever Since we Met; I only shoot up with your Perfume.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short fluffy chapter for y'all..... I've been bouncing all over in the story while writing it ((Seriously I'm working on like five chapters ahead)), and the club scene isn't quiet ready yet....SO....Short fluffy chapter of adorableness in the mean time...
> 
> I've been posting a bunch of headcanons and drabbles over on tumblr. Come hang with me. @CaptBBarnes
> 
> ((Also have been thinking about doing a Bingo card, or a ficlet prompt series. Come drop me a prompt if you want to. :] ))

Bucky squirmed slightly on his bed, the pressure of the plug inside of him making his skin flush and he groaned, head tipping back slightly as he sucked in a deep breath.

“Try not to move Buck.” Steve murmured without looking up from his sketchbook.

“Are you serious? Are you fucking serious?” There was no heat in Bucky’s words, and he closed his eyes again and blew out a breath.

“You’re being so good for me.” Steve looked up with just a flick of his eyes before looking back down and focusing on the page in front of him.

“Steve.” Bucky whined.

Steve didn’t reply instead focusing on the image he was bringing to life on the page. He’d run down stairs, after quickly pulling some of his clothing back on, while Bucky cleaned up, but told him not to get dressed and wait for him to get back. He’d grabbed one of his larger drawing pads, a tank top and some charcoal and brought them back up to Bucky’s room. He knew that they still had plenty of time before meeting up with Pepper and Tony that he’d be able to draw what he wanted, and still have time for them to change and get ready.

When he got back, Bucky’s hair was still a little wet, dropping small little rivulets of water down onto his shoulders and chest, and Steve was momentarily winded by how gorgeous he looked.

“Should have known you’d try to draw me naked today.” Bucky had teased as he eyed what Steve was holding in his hands.

Steve had stripped Bucky’s bed down to nothing but the fitted sheet, before remaking the bed how he wanted. Using the blankets and pillows to create little mounds that he then positioned Bucky against. He grabbed one of Bucky’s lighter blankets and draped it across his hips. Steve fussed with the angles for a moment, lip ring drawn into his mouth in concentration before pushing his bangs out of his face as he stood up and surveyed how everything was laying.

He walked away after a moment to grab the pomade from Bucky’s bathroom before returning to him and gently mussing with his hair before being satisfied with how it looked.  
Bucky was mostly quiet while Steve moved and positioned him, eyes fluttering shut, and small little hums of satisfaction vibrating from his throat. Steve leaned down and kissed him softly on the mouth, thumb tracing along his cheek before standing back up. 

“I’m going to open your curtains okay? I want to use natural light.”

Bucky hummed in agreement, eyes tracking Steve as he moved around the room. “You moving anything else while you’re at it?”

Steve glanced over his shoulder with a smirk before throwing the curtains open and laughing at Bucky’s hiss of disapproval. He pulled Bucky’s chair away from his desk and positioned himself in a way where he wouldn’t block the swatch of light coming in from the window and spilling across Bucky and his bed.

He’d been drawing Bucky for the better part of an hour before he’d started to get restless and his flush grew darker.

“You’re not used to this much attention are you?” Steve asked as he shaded in under Bucky’s torso on the page.

“No. I’m usually the one in the shadows doing the observing.”

Steve smirked at that, eyes flicking up again before dropping back down to the page. “I’m almost done.”

Bucky hummed for a moment before stilling again. Steve looked up after fifteen minutes of Bucky not moving or making a sound and frowned.

“You doing okay Buck?” Steve pulled the charcoal away from the page and tilted the pad down so he could look at Bucky a bit better.

“Tonight.” 

Steve sat up a little straighter at the hesitancy in Bucky’s voice, a small frown appearing on his face. “Yeah Buck, what’re you thinking? Do you not want to anymore? I understand if that’ll be a little too much all at once.”

“What? Oh. No. I’m still down for that. New experiences and all right? Making good memories.”

“Not if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Bucky rolled his eyes being careful not to move his body too much, before looking straight at Steve. “Uncomfortable, sure. But I’m still excited, I said I wanted to try it. This’ll be different than what I’ve done before.” 

“Okay.” Steve pulled his lip ring into his mouth for a moment and watched Bucky, noting that his eyes were still a bit dilated and that he was half hard. “Then what are you thinking?”

“You know how I said I didn’t ever want to be blindfolded? Because it’ll trigger some bad shit?”

Steve’s brow creased before he nodded, suddenly unsure of where this conversation was going. “Do you want to talk about that?” Steve asked hesitantly.

“Um,” Bucky shifted minutely. “Not really, because it has to do with when I was captured, and I really don’t want to think about that right now.”

Steve’s eyes softened and he smiled reassuringly at Bucky. “Okay. But it is something you’d want to talk about?”

“Logan has been prompting me about it in sessions. He doesn’t pull his punches, which I’m grateful for, but sometimes. Well often, it can take a lot out.”

“That I do understand. It’s always hard to relive a traumatic event.” Steve cleared his throat after, his voice having got a little icy towards the end.

Bucky’s eyebrows raised in unison as he stared at Steve, muscles tensing for a moment before relaxing so he didn’t ruin his pose. “Do you have something you want to talk about? And yea, eventually I think you and I will be able to sit down and talk about it.”

Steve rolled his tongue so that he could bite at the bar and tug a little before shaking his head. “Like you said, it’s not something I want to think about right now.”

Bucky hummed. “Right. So another time. Anyway, I was thinking. What about masks?”

“Masks?”

“Yeah, like little domino masks or masquerade masks?”

Steve chuckled a little and tilted his pad back up; he brought one hand up to scratch at the side of his face, leaving a smudge of charcoal before flicking his eyes back up at Bucky with a wicked smirk. “Do you want me to find you a mask baby boy? Maybe a pretty collar to wrap around that gorgeous neck of yours. Parade you around, but let everyone know you belong to me.”

Bucky groaned, his skin flushing a deep red. “Shut up Steve, it was just an idea.”

Steve laughed and brought the charcoal back down on the page to continue adding in final details to the bed and blankets. Steve was deep in thought for a moment before Bucky snorted.

“Hey Steve. How close to done are you?”

Steve glanced up, his eyebrow arching. He brushed his bangs back before squinting at Bucky. “Almost, why?”

“Like, if I were to suddenly move right now, I wouldn’t ruin anything?”

Steve pulled on his lip ring, his squint turning into a glare. “No. Why.”

Bucky broke out into a huge smile before dramatically flopping to the edge of the bed, spreading his legs a little more and arching his back, still managing to keep the blanket over his crotch. “Stevie. Draw me like one of your French girls.”

Steve dropped his head back and groaned brokenly. “Jesus fuckin Christ seriously. How long. How long did you wait for that?”

Bucky’s laughter filled the room as he rolled over onto his stomach. He hissed slightly in pleasure before smirking at Steve. “Only after your collar comment. I could just see him wrapping that necklace around her neck and looking all proud and shit.”

Steve snorted and dropped the charcoal back onto the tray it’d come out of before shaking his head at Bucky. “You’re hopeless.”

“To quote you Rogers, I’m a fucking gift.”


	12. New Perspective

“It would be a bad idea,” Tony muttered, spinning his finger at Bucky to get him to turn to show off his outfit. “Not to put a collar on this boy Rogers. What are you thinking taking him out like that?”

Bucky snorted, and glared at Tony. “I’m not property.”

Tony leered at him with an evil gleam, eyes shifting ever so slightly over to Steve. “So I can devour you?”

Pepper snorted and smacked Tony’s arm as she walked by, carrying a few make up brushes in her hand. “You can sit and shut your trap. Leave him alone.”

Bucky smirked at Pepper, and flicked his eyes over to Steve’s before sitting down on the stool and sitting straight up as Pepper slotted herself between his v’d legs. Pepper smiled reassuringly at him, and he offered a shy one back. He shifted his position slightly, the plug pressing deep inside of him, making his skin heat in a light blush. He closed his eyes as Pepper raised the brush in her hands, breaths evening out as she gently touched his cheek with her pinky.

“So I’m going to make this look as mask like as possible, but it’s been a while since I’ve done this kind of makeup.”

“Your make up looks flawless everyday Pep.” Steve said from his spot on the floor, his mesh shirt riding up his torso to show off his abs. 

“That’s very kind Steve, but you don’t see me every day.” Pepper turned her head and smirked at Steve before looking back at Bucky’s face.

“You could just ring his eyes in kohl? Add some of that blue pigment you have?” Tony offered, “Make the blue of his eyes really pop.”

“You said that about Steve earlier.” Pepper replied with a small laugh, turning to look at Tony affectionately. “What is with you tonight?”

“He knows how to do his own make up.” Tony pouted at her and gestured vaguely at Steve.

Pepper gently tapped Bucky’s nose to get him to open his eyes and tilted her head to the side in consideration. “Well, I guess he has a point. I can contour your face a bit, darken your eyebrows, line your lips and just line the fuck out of your eyes, or give you a slightly smoky look instead for a minimalist look?”

Bucky chewed on the side of his lip and shrugged, eyes dropping back over to Steve.

“Line his eyes, I don’t think he has any idea what half of that meant.” Steve supplied, arching his eyebrow at Bucky in question.

“I do have a sister.” Bucky muttered, but nodded all the same agreeing with Steve.

Steve’s mouth opened slightly before nodding. “Okay then. Line his eyes, I think that’s a great idea.”

Pepper nodded and put the bush down switching it out for black kohl liner. “Okay look up I’m going to get under your eyes and then use the brush to smudge it out.”

Once again, Pepper leaned in and touched the side of Bucky’s face angling it a little higher before bringing the pencil down under his eye. She made quick strokes, lining from corner to corner before quickly switching to the other side and repeating the motion. She gently grasped his chin between her fingers, tilting his face back and forth adding a couple more lines to the edges of his eyes. 

“Have you worn make up before?” Pepper asked under her breath, so only Bucky heard her. 

Bucky blinked a few times, dropping his gaze so that he could meet her eyes. “No.”

Pepper hummed in acknowledgment, her gaze shifting over to the smudge brush and eye shadow compact. “Okay, so I’m going to add powder and smudge these lines out so that it blends a little nicer, and so that it lasts and you don’t sweat it all off. This stuff is really kind, so if you cry or sweat it won’t sting your eyes if you rub your eyes.”

She tapped the edge of the brush on the side of the compact after dabbing it through the compacted powder, knocking the excess off, before laying a gentle touch to the bottom of his chin to get Bucky to tilt his head again. Bucky looked up towards the ceiling again, breathing out through his mouth as Pepper worked. He was trying to keep his mind as blank as possible, the plug inside him still pushing every so often on his prostate and making little sparks of pleasure shoot through his body. 

“This is looking really good with your five o’clock shadow.” Pepper mused with a small smile as she switched over to his other eye.

Bucky smirked a little. Pepper tapped the brush again and brought it up under Bucky’s eye and he tilted to accommodate her.

“I still want to add a little blue is that okay? Like not BAM color, but it’ll be subtle.”

“That’s fine. I don’t mind.”

Pepper smiled at him as she set the compact of black down before reaching for a little jar the size of a quarter. “So this has a really dark blue pigment powder in here, a little will go a long way. Close your eyes for me, I’m going to put it on your lids, and then blend in the excess with the black under.”

Bucky nodded and closed his eyes. He felt Pepper touch his face before the soft brush pulled across his eyelid, different from the one she’d been using to smudge the kohl and blend the black powder with. Bucky let his mind drift again, shifting a little in his seat before stifling a groan.

“You doing okay?” Pepper asked, concern laced in her voice, and the brush stilled on his eyelid. “I didn’t push too hard did I?”

“Yup, yup, I’m good.” Steve laughed from on the floor, and Bucky scrunched his nose up without opening his eyes. “You can fuck yourself Rogers.”

Steve snorted again and then yelled indignantly.

“Tony just smacked him with a pillow. I’m assuming on your behalf.”

“What a gentleman.” Bucky mused.

Pepper laughed, brush sweeping out near the corner of his eye before she pulled away. “Okay, mascara and you’re done. Do you want me to put it on or can you manage?”

Bucky slowly blinked his eyes back open and smiled at her. “I think I can manage.”

“Okay, do the bottom lashes first, that way when you look up to get them, you won’t create a fan from the top ones.”

“That…is surprisingly helpful and informative. I didn’t even think-”

“And this is why you’ve never worn make up before.” Pepper teased quietly so the others couldn’t hear them, patting him on the cheek before stepping back.

Bucky’s mouth hung open for a second before rolling his eyes at her and accepting the offered tube of mascara from her. 

“Use the mirror in the bathroom, it’s got the best light. Oh! And one more thing, use the tip of the brush, and act like you’re drawing them on, or you can also-“

“Pepper, stop you’ll just confuse him, let him figure it out.” Tony laughed, and walked up behind Pepper, laying a few kisses across her shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her waist.

She melted back into his touch and smiled.

“Have fun. If you get some mascara on your skin come out here and I’ll fix it ok? That’ll be easier than you trying to wipe it off.”

Bucky glanced over to Steve who was still stretched across the floor, phone in hand before pushing himself up out of the stool he’d been perched on and walking towards the bathroom.

Steve whistled as he walked by, and Bucky rolled his eyes and ducked his head to hide his smile.

“You should always wear jeans that tight.” Steve hollered after him as he rolled onto his stomach to watch Bucky walk away.

Bucky snorted and smacked his hand out to hit the light switch inside the bathroom door. Pepper was right, the light in the bathroom was better than what they’d been using out in the kitchen, and his breath caught momentarily as he took in the sight of the black/blue around his eyes, mixed with the stubble on his face. Pepper had blended it really well, so the blue was only visible in certain angles if the light hit his face just right, and it did make his eyes a darker shade of blue.

Bucky let his gaze wander down the rest of the outfit that had magically materialized for him inside of Steve’s room when they had gone down to grab Steve’s clothing for the night before heading over to Tony’s. Steve had looked from the pile of clothing and boots on the edge of his bed, to Bucky in his jeans and tight t-shirt before shrugging.  
“Don’t ask me how she knows your size. She does this to me all the time.” 

Steve had insisted that he change there before they got over to Tony’s so that he could make changes to his outfit if necessary. 

Steve had groaned as he’d put the two shoulder-brace-esq sleeves on, attaching their straps where they were meant to cross and attach to form one piece, effectively covering his scars while keeping the shape of his muscles well defined. The sleeves went all the way down to his wrists, and the nylon hugged just right under his armpit so they showed off the sculpt of his pectoral muscles, while still completely covering his shoulders from the front and the back. The D rings crossed right over his sternum in a row of three, accenting the hollow of his throat. The sheer sleeveless crop top went over the top, stopping right above his abs, and tickled slightly as the fabric drug across his skin. Bucky felt a bit like he was wearing armor, and supposed in a way that he was. He had enough on so he didn’t feel completely exposed, but still would fit in with the theme of the club. The clothing he was wearing was doing everything to accent his build and the muscles that he usually kept hidden under semi-baggy clothing or sweatshirts.

The jeans looked painted on, and Bucky wasn’t even sure he could consider them fitting, considering the fact he felt that one swift movement and he would fall out of them, they cut so low on his hips. The v of his hip bones looked amazing as the disappeared into the hem of the jeans, and from a purely aesthetical point of view, the way they made his half hard cock look, he could tell why Steve was having problems getting into his own clothing when all he’d wanted to do was take Bucky back out of his.

His thighs looked amazing and sculpted in the jeans, and Bucky twisted slightly at his waist to look at his ass with the way that the jeans hugged and cupped him, and hummed in approval at himself. 

He walked up to the counter, and leaned against it, tilting his face closer to the mirror to really look at the make up that Pepper had applied before unscrewing the mascara and pulling the small brush out of the tube. He glanced from the brush, up to his face before shrugging and bringing the brush up to his eye. He did what Pepper said, and looked up a little and he lightly drug the brush across his bottom lashes, careful not to apply to much pressure, before tilting his face and doing the same to the other side. Bucky stuck the brush back down inside of the tube and wiggled it around a little before pulling it back out and looking straight ahead as he blinked to apply the mascara to his top lashes. That much he remembered from watching his sister put mascara on.

He leaned back, looking over himself as he put the brush back into the tube and twisted it closed. After a moment of staring at himself, Bucky took a deep breath and turned to flip the light off and rejoin Steve, Pepper and Tony.

~*~

Tony pulled to the back entrance of the club, Pepper had sat up front with him on the drive over leaving Bucky and Steve to themselves in the back. Bucky’s nerves grew with every block that they drove, both in anticipation and fear. It was a weird mixture and not one that he’d felt in a while.

Steve had laid he hand on Bucky’s knee as they drove over when Bucky’s leg started to bounce from nerves. Steve finally leaned over as Bucky stuck another finger into his mouth to chew at the nail as he stared out the window. Steve gently brushed his nose at the spot behind Bucky’s ear that made him shiver, and gently kissed the side of his face.

“Seriously we can just go dancing?”

Bucky’s movements stilled and he shifted slowly, still hyper aware of the plug inside of him, to look at Steve. “I’m okay. I’ll say something if I’m not. It’s just nerves.”

“Nothing else?”

Bucky arched an eyebrow in question and Steve shook his head with a small smile. He leaned his shoulder against Steve’s, snuggling into his side as much as possible while still buckled.

Tony parked the car and flicked the lights off before turning in his seat. “Pepper and I will go in and see who’s here and make the rounds. You guys take all the time you want. There is a VIP booth upstairs for you to use, for ya know, whatever.”

Tony winked and Pepper groaned before the both pushed their doors open and got of the car. Pepper shut her door and walked around the front of the car to stand next to Tony who’d poked his head back in.

“Here Rogers. Keys. You actually have pockets for them.”

Steve reached forward and accepted the outstretched set of keys before lifting his hips up to slide them into the pocket.

“See you inside.” Steve said with a small smile.

Tony saluted him with two fingers before shutting the car door and turning towards Pepper with out stretched arms and a smile. Steve watched as they walked away before turning his gaze back to Bucky. 

Bucky was looking down at his lap as Steve shifted towards him.

“Okay. Rules.” Steve murmured, hand reaching over for one of Bucky’s. “First, safe word?”

“Do you want a new one or the original?”

“Do you want to have different ones for ‘home’ verses being out?” Steve asked, scooting towards Bucky.

Bucky chewed on his lower lip and tilted his face towards Steve. “Different.”

Steve nodded, thumb brushing over the back of Bucky’s hand in reassurance. “I know that this is a different kind of club from what you’re used to. There won’t be as many people here, so the atmosphere will be completely unlike something you may have experienced. Do you know what you want your word to be?”

“How about a phrase instead?” Bucky replied, angling himself so that he faced towards Steve a bit more.

“That works. Do you want one from me in relation to yours or…”

“Funky Town.” Bucky blurted out.

Steve blinked for a moment, his mouth slightly open before he started laughing. “Funky Town? Buck, what have you been listening to while you edit?”

“Shaddup you jerk. It’s perfectly valid and I can use it in a sentence.” Bucky smirked and shoved Steve playfully.

“Funky town totally works. I just. That’s creative.” Steve brushed his bangs back from his face and pushed his tongue ring forward so that he could grasp the bar with his teeth, chewing on it for a moment before nodding. “Okay, Funky Town. Now. While we’re here. You are allowed to look, and appreciate what’s going on. But you are not allowed to touch, nor is anyone else allowed to touch you without my permission.”

“Does that include the people that we’ve come with?” Bucky asked, tilting his head to the side.

“I’ve spoken with Tony. He gets handsy. So it’ll be on him, not you.” Steve smirked. “If you are feeling overwhelmed, by me or anyone else around us, and you need some space, Natasha has offered to be a secondary if you’re okay with that.”

Bucky nodded. “I appreciate that.”

“You’re welcome to touch me as much as you’d like. You may speak when others speak to you. Really the only restriction tonight is the touching thing.”  
“Feeling possessive Stevie?” Bucky teased, eyes sparkling with mischief.

Steve arched an eyebrow in challenge. “Looking for a punishment baby?”

Bucky shivered and shook his head. Steve leaned in and kissed Bucky gently, hand coming up to cradle the back of his head. Their foreheads rested together for a moment before Steve pulled back and looked at Bucky.

“If at any time you decide this is no longer something you want to be doing, this club, you just tell me. We’ll leave and either go do something else fun tonight, or we’ll just go back to the dorms. Okay?”

Bucky’s eyes scanned Steve’s face for a moment, taking in the sincerity of the words, and the small look of concern on Steve’s face before breaking out into a smile. “Rodger that.”  
Steve snorted. “That was terrible, and I heard that plenty in the military.”

“Speaking of. I’d like to hear more about that sometime?” 

Steve hummed in agreement. “Ready to go in?”

“The committee would like to move that research begin immediately, and that all scientific hypothesizes must be tested.”

Steve snorted and pushed his door open. “For science?”

Bucky leaned across the seat as Steve stood up outside of the car and smiled. “For science.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me over at tumblr @CaptBBarnes


	13. Vessel

Bucky followed Steve up the ramp towards the club entrance. The faint pulsing of music could already be heard as they walked up towards the door, and Steve greeted the door man with a small smile. Bucky’s nerves were bubbling to the surface, and he was shaking slightly as he followed Steve through the door. He blinked in an effort to get his eyes to adjust to the dimness, the music over taking him, causing his breath to catch for a moment. He laid his hand just above Steve’s pants on the small of the other man’s back. Steve’s skin was warm to the touch and it calmed Bucky’s nerves being able to touch him, and feeling Steve lean back slightly into his touch. 

Steve stopped just inside of the club entrance, and turned to face Bucky. Gently bringing a hand up and gripping the back of Bucky’s head, Steve brought their faces together, and laid a gentle kiss on Bucky’s mouth. He pulled back just enough to search Bucky’s eyes for a moment, a small smile appearing as Bucky smiled.  
“You talk only when I say you can. You’re allowed to make noises if we do anything, but no talking.”

Bucky nodded and leaned in again, asking permission with body language for another kiss. Steve smirked at him and nipped his lower lip, making Bucky gasp before kissing him deeply, sweeping his tongue inside of Bucky’s mouth before quickly pulling away and walking further into the club.

Steve looked over his shoulder and smiled at Bucky, winking at him before looking back ahead and walking further into the room. Bucky finally restarted his brain and followed after Steve.

The room smelled faintly like cinnamon and sex, and Bucky finally took his eyes off of Steve’s broad shoulders to look around. The walls were cast in various tones of blues, reds, and pinks, leaving the shadows a rich purple, which left enough to the imagination that you didn’t quite know what was going in the alcoves scattered around the club. Bucky could feel his cock throb as they walked. Steve had such a swagger in here, like he owned the place, that Bucky just wanted all of Steve’s attention for himself. He turned his attention back to where he had last remembered seeing Steve, before flinching to the side as a hand reached for him out of his peripheral view.

Steve shifted so that he was completely in view, apologizing with an open palm gesture, waiting for Bucky to lean into his touch before he completed the touch. Bucky licked his lip and stepped into Steve’s side, allowing Steve to wrap an arm around his waist. 

“It looks like Natasha is already putting on a show for the other people here. Why don’t we get a booth and watch for a little?” 

Bucky nodded and let Steve lead him back around to the other side of the club, watching the way the fabric moved across his ass. 

Steve walked into the booth first, looking around before glancing over his shoulder at Bucky. “On your knees.” He turned away before seeing if Bucky complied and moved a few chairs and pillows around. 

Bucky knelt effortlessly, and looked up at Steve, hands up and open on his thighs.

Steve turned and smiled appraisingly at Bucky before he walked over into touching distance, and cupped the side of Bucky’s face. “So good for me.” Color spread across Bucky’s cheeks, but the other man did nothing to lean into the gentle touch.

Steve tapped Bucky gently on the top of his left shoulder and inclined his head. He watched as the brunettes’ eyes dilated a little before a small ‘green’ left his mouth. Steve nodded in approval before gesturing for Bucky to turn out towards the center of the club floor.

Bucky moaned as the plug inside of him shifted as he shuffled to move around on his knees. Steve’s fingers left barely there touches across his skin as he moved, raising goosebumps in their wake.

Once Bucky was settled, his eyes roamed out across the club before settling on Clint where he was bound to the Saint Andrews Cross. Bucky tilted his head a little in confusion before flicking his eyes up to Steve, eyebrows drawing down slightly.

“Notice something?”

Bucky hummed a little and waited for permission to speak.

“You can talk.” Steve murmured gently, fingers scraping back through Bucky’s hair.

“He has one wrist that isn’t bound. But he’s holding it in place.”

Steve’s eyes flicked up to where Natasha was before looking over at Clint. “She must have something planned or Clint doesn’t have his hearing aids in. Or both.” Steve brushed his hand back across Bucky’s nape, leaning over him to kiss the side of his face. 

Bucky’s eyes flicked back over towards the three in the middle, watching as Natasha finished looping knots around Sam’s arms, and the way that Clint’s eyes followed the movement of the other two’s.

Bucky was so grossly absorbed in watching the three of them, he was unprepared for the slow slide of Steve’s hand around his neck, and for the plug in him to start vibrating slowly. His cock throbbed hard, a fresh bead of precum pooled at the tip of his cock, creating a tacky mess between his skin and the painted on pants he wore. The moan that fell from his lips was wrecked and long, and made Bucky’s entire body shiver. Steve’s hand tightened slowly around his throat, feeling the gasps for air fall brokenly from his lips. Bucky’s pulse sped as Steve increased the pressure just slightly more around his throat before releasing, leaving his hand in place. He rocked backwards onto the plug heavily, as much as Steve being behind him would allow, trying to increase the pressure and gain some friction.

Steve drug his hand up and fisted it in the side of Bucky’s hair, and pulled his head back to rest on his shoulder, nipping at his ear. Bucky’s eyes were blown wide as they continued to watch Natasha with her boys.

\--

Natasha walked around Clint before flicking her eyes over to where Sam knelt. “Gorgeous isn’t he? All stretched out, so you can see all of his gorgeous muscle.”

Sam groaned and flexed his arms where they were bound down the front of him. The knots that bound him were tied elegantly, digging into his skin just slightly to make his own muscles stand out even more.

“Tell him how gorgeous he looks Samuel.”

Sam’s eyes moved over and down Clint’s body before looking up into Clint’s eyes. Clint was still tracking Natasha, eyes already clouded over and heavy lidded.

“He looks so good with the way you’re bound him, and his cock caged just for your use.” Sam moaned again as Natasha’s eyes dropped back over to Clint and then the cage around the other man’s cock.

“Doesn’t he just.”

Natasha turned on her heel and walked over to a table set up next to the cross. She lifted the lid off of a small bowl and hummed approvingly. She looked up at Clint and inclined her head slightly, and Clint moaned high in his throat.

Natasha picked up one of the ice cube balls and a small riding crop before walking over in front of Clint. She ran her finger gently across his chest, flicking one finger against his nipple before looking up into his eyes. She signed handkerchief with her free hand before looking up at his unbound hand.

Clint unfurled his fingers a little, and showed her the white fabric balled into his fist before closing his fingers back up and pushing his writs back against the cross.

Natasha turned her gaze back down over to Sam, and smiled at him. “Color?”

“Green.” Sam breathed out looking from Clint to her.

\--

Bucky groaned as Natasha worked Clint over, most of his weight rested on Steve. He whined high in the back of his throat, as Steve nipped at the side of his neck. Steve laved over the mark and pushed his nose back behind Bucky’s ear. His hand slowly moved from Bucky’s throat, down his torso, and finally trailed over Bucky’s cock.

“Do you want to cum baby?”

Bucky’s eyes rolled sluggishly back to Steve, and nodded, his breath catching as Steve gripped his cock in small pulsing rhythm. He moaned loudly as the vibration for the plug picked up, buzzing constantly against his prostate.

“You know this won’t be your first one here tonight?” Steve leaned down a little further and sucked a small mark onto Bucky’s shoulder, heel grinding down to create more friction on Bucky’s cock.

Bucky’s hips rolled up into Steve’s hand before he was forced to keep still with a small tap on his hip from Steve.

“Now now baby doll, keep still.” Steve licked a small strip from the mark he’d just made to Bucky’s ear, pushing the barbell in his tongue out just enough to ghost over the shell of the brunettes ear. “Do you still want to cum? Even if it’s in your pants? Show everyone how good you are for me?”

Bucky bit hard into his lip as he tried to keep still, and nodded his reply to Steve. The vibration increased one more time, and Steve pushed the heel of his hand down onto his cock, and Bucky could feel the warmth pooling. His hand shot out and grabbed Steve’s other wrist, his eyes widening as he tried desperately not to come before being allowed to. Bucky keened high in his throat, his eyes flicking quickly back over to Natasha before turning his head completely to Steve. 

Steve licked over the piercing in his lip, taking in the desperate look Bucky had on his face before kissing him. Bucky returned the kiss frantically, turning half of his body to lean into the kiss before Steve pulled back.

“Cum.”

Bucky’s eyes rolled back as his orgasm coursed over him, and he whited out slightly, his weight falling back onto Steve completely. Steve worked him through it, and slowly turned the vibrations of the plug down until Bucky’s body twitched from being slightly over sensitive. 

Steve flattened his hand out across Bucky’s chest over his heart and felt his pulse flutter for a moment before it slowly started evening back out. “You can talk when you’re ready.”  
Bucky moaned quietly, barely audible over the still pulsing music. “Steve.”

Steve shifted so that Bucky’s shoulder rested on his chest, and he could half cuddle him. “Yeah baby?”

“I’m done with science. Take me home and fuck me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKay. I know. Seriously a long fucking time between updates. As promised: THIS FIC IS NOT ABANDONED. I had a lot of shit happen, and go on, and it really just killed my muses. (I ended up moving back home...health issues. Bleh) Thank you to everyone who has commented during my hiatus. You guys really kept me going as I poked and cried over this story. Your comments mean a lot to me. :)
> 
> There were some things about this (albeit short) chapter that I really was tearing myself up about and tearing apart in the story itself... And it just wouldn't flow the way I'd wanted...But it does now! SO YAY!!!! Also. Sorry not sorry for that cliffhanger. I think you'll enjoy the next chapter.... :D
> 
> Additionally, after MONTHS of going back and forth, the scene between Nat/Sam/Clint will be written at a later date. It will be a one off, possible stand alone, that I will link back in once it has been written. But as of right now I want to keep the focus on Steve and Bucky and what's going on with them. 
> 
> Also. A playmix has been requested....so....IT'S IN THE WORKS!!! 
> 
> Thank you for your continued support guys!!! <3
> 
> (Also, if you find any errors let me know...I should have been in bed two hours ago, but WANTED TO UPDATE. It has been mildly beta'd by someone who is not me.)


	14. HeavyDirtySoul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please see end of the chapter for some notes!! **WARNING: Intense SubDrop.**
> 
> Also, this chapter is a bit short! But you'll have a second in a few days~ :) Enjoy!!
> 
> I really do love the feedback I've been getting on this story, and I would LOVE for y'all to come talk to me about it. Feel free to hit me up on tumblr @CaptBBarnes. 
> 
> I've also started a playlist for this story, which will have the songs that have inspired the song titles, as well as some other songs I feel fit this story. I will be adding to it as I continue to write on it. I'll post a link for it soon.

Steve ran his hand back through Bucky’s hair and kissed the side of his neck gently.

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?”

Bucky whined low in his throat, his eyes still watching as Natasha moved around her men. His skin felt like it was vibrating and breathing was starting to be a little harder. His hands clenched and unclenched at his side, and Bucky’s brow furrowed. He blinked his eyes hard, and tried to refocus them on Natasha, but his vision blurred. He tilted his head to the side trying to focus his hearing, and groaned softly. He swallowed quickly as his breath caught.

Steve’s hands were gentle as he smoothed them down the front of Bucky’s chest, and Bucky felt his breath catch in his throat, and then as Steve’s hand stilled.  
“Bucky?” 

Bucky swayed forward, but caught himself, quickly putting himself back into the position that Steve had placed him in, his hands balled into tight fists.  
“I’ll be good.”

Steve moved quickly to be in front of him, blocking his view of everything else in the club. The concern was stamped across Steve’s face, and Bucky dropped his eyes to the side, trying to sit back up on his knees.

“Check in with me doll. Where are you at?” Steve’s hands hovered next to his face and he leaned forward to try to reestablish eye contact.

“Bucky I need you to talk to me right now? What are you feeling?” Steve’s voice was soothing, but held a note of authority which made Bucky slowly raise his eyes again.

“I…” His breath caught again, and his chest felt like it was in a vice. “Please touch me. Steve. I…”

Steve cursed low under his breath. “Shhhh, Bucky I’m here.” His hand slowly came up to cradle the side of Bucky’s face. “Are you done? Just tell me.”

Bucky nodded against Steve’s hand and leaned forward a little, trying to create more contact between the two of them. “I…please. I need to leave.”

Every nerve in his body felt over stimulated and raw. Like a panic attack but not quiet at that level. 

“Okay Buck, come on stand up. We’ll take the car home.” 

Steve pulling him up to his feet brought the world around them back into sharp focus, and Bucky gasped, knees buckling beneath him. Steve bent down slightly and picked him up as if he weighed nothing, walking quickly through the club.

Tony met them at the door as Steve pushed on the bar with his hip.

“Is he ok?” Tony asked uncertainly, reaching out before pulling his hand back to his chest.

“I think he dropped too suddenly. He’s overwhelmed.” Steve glanced down at the way Bucky and turned himself towards his chest and frowned.

“Are you going back to the dorms?”

Steve nodded his head. “Him waking up in his own bed will probably be the best. He’s never dropped with me. I want him comfortable.”

Tony nodded, leaning in towards Steve. “I’ll have Happy bring you guys some food after okay?”

Steve smiled at Tony and leaned down accepting the chaste kiss from the other man. “I’ll text you once we’re back okay? Go tell Pepper we left.”

Tony nodded and stepped back, giving Bucky one last look before melting back into the shadows. 

~*~

Steve held Bucky the entire ride back to the dorm, and wrapped a blanket around Bucky’s shoulders. When the car pulled up Steve gently brushed his fingers back through Bucky’s hair, rousing him from sleep.

“You okay to walk up to your room? Or do you want me to carry you?”

Bucky’s stomach rolled and he shook his head. “I’ll walk.”

Steve’s eyes searched him for a moment before he nodded. “Ok pal. Ready?”

Bucky pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders as the cool air outside rushed into the car. Steve got out first and held a hand out for Bucky, which the other man accepted and let himself be helped out of the car.

“Are you…going back?” Bucky asked quietly as the walked up to the entrance of the dorms.

Steve paused for a moment and looked back at where Bucky had stopped. “What? No. I’m staying with you.”

Bucky smiled a little self-deprecatingly. “You don’t have to Steve.”

Steve closed the distance between them and tilted Bucky’s face up to his. “I know.” He gently brushed a finger across Bucky’s cheek. “I want to.” Steve placed a small kiss on Bucky’s lips before turning and starting to walk back towards the door.

Bucky stared after Steve for a moment before walking after him. 

By the time they’d made it back to his room, Bucky was hard again from the plug moving around inside him as he moved and was shivering from stimulation.

“Steve.”

Steve looked up from the bag he’d been digging through and stood up crossing instantly over to Bucky.

“Lets get you out of your clothing okay baby?” Steve’s hand gently moved to the buckles keeping the shoulder harnesses in place and undid them letting them fall to the floor. 

“I can’t….” Bucky pulled back slightly.

“We’re going to bed.” Steve said suddenly, making sure he had Bucky’s attention. “Nothing more is happening tonight. I pushed you too far, too quickly.”

Bucky whined, shaking his head quickly.

“I did Buck.” Steve let his hands fall away. “May I help you get undressed?”

Bucky shuffled back into Steve’s space and left an open mouthed kiss on the other man’s neck. “I don’t deserve you.” Bucky mumbled into Steve’s skin.

Steve closed his eyes and took a deep breath in through his nose, fighting back the tears that suddenly welled in his eyes. He hugged Bucky to him, and ignored the twitch of Bucky’s hips as pressure was put onto his cock.

“Snuggle time okay?” Steve was proud his voice didn’t waver.

Bucky nodded, and moved to help Steve peel off the rest of his clothing. Once he was completely naked, shivering once again from the stimulation, he looked down at his cock and frowned.

“It’ll go away after I take the plug out.” Bucky mumbled. 

“You have nothing to be ashamed about.” Steve’s voice was a little strained, “I won’t lie. I get a little dizzy looking at how much I’ve affected you.”

Bucky shot Steve a smirk before gesturing to the bathroom. “I’ll just….I’ll be right back.”

Steve nodded and stepped out of the way, watching as Bucky walked past him. He quickly stripped out of his own club gear and put on a pair of sweats that he’d left in Bucky’s room before pushing his palm down onto his cock to ease some of the pressure. He groaned before crawling onto the bed and pulling the covers down.   
Bucky’s low moan made his cock twitch, and Steve clenched his jaw before rolling over onto his back to wait for Bucky.

It was another ten minutes before the other man came out, boxers and an oversized shirt covering his body. He walked over to the bed and crawled on, crawling right over Steve so that he was hovering over the other man.

“I’m serious about the just sleep thing.” Steve muttered up as Bucky’s hair fell forward to tickle the sides of his face.

Bucky ran one hand back through Steve’s hair and smiled “I know. Thank you.”

Steve placed a hand on Bucky’s hip and smiled back. “For?”

Bucky gently lowered himself so that he was sitting across Steve’s thighs and looked away for a moment before looking back at Steve. Steve’s heart clenched at the vulnerability on Bucky’s face. 

“It’s been a long time.” Bucky started before his voice choked up. He cleared his throat and put one hand on Steve’s chest for grounding. “It’s been a long time since I’ve dropped. A long time. I…haven’t let myself trust anyone like that in a long time. But it comes easy with you.”

Bucky’s hand brushed gently over the bar in Steve’s nipple before splaying his hand out completely over Steve’s pec. Steve’s hands rested on Bucky’s hips, thumbs rubbing a soothing pattern over skin. 

“I…” Bucky paused and looked up at Steve through his eye lashes. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

Bucky flushed as Steve cradled the side of his face, and slowly brought them closer together.

“You’re always strong for everyone else aren’t you?” Steve whispered. 

Bucky nodded a little and Steve smiled in a knowing way before closing the distance between them and laying a gentle kiss on Bucky’s lips.

Neither deepened the kiss, but they rested together for a moment, Steve holding Bucky to his chest before rolling him to the side. 

Steve ran his fingers back through Bucky’s hair and smiled again. “Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up okay?”

Bucky nodded and snuggled into Steve’s chest, breaths evening out quickly.

Steve held him tight, and marveled at the man in front of him. The tightness that usually held in Bucky’s face from being constantly on guard around other people was gone, replaced by soft lines, and small barely there freckles. Steve’s entire body felt warm as he watched Bucky sleep. Steve leaned to the side making sure that both of their phones were plugged in, sending a quick text to Tony letting him know they were okay and soon he too fell asleep, head resting close to Bucky’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N1: The kiss shared between Steve and Tony is COMPLETELY platonic and between friends. It's meant as a reassurance for BOTH of them. Steve is not cheating on Bucky. Period. 
> 
> A/N2: The last time Bucky subdropped was in his previous abusive relationships, and as such freaked the fuck out when he dropped for Steve and didn't realize he had let that much control go. It's not something either he or Steve are going to take lightly, and will be addressed in coming chapters.
> 
> A/N3: A normal semester is about 15 weeks long. So far, including the next chapter, six weeks have passed.


	15. Your Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little insight into Steve's past.

(Two Weeks Later)

Bucky looked at Steve stretched out on his bed, his shirt lost hours ago in an effort to get comfortable as they were working, and currently reading a book. Warmth pooled in his stomach, a fond smile spreading across his face as he watched Steve yawn and switch pages. Note books framed Steve around the bed, opened on different pages, and stacked on top of note books and articles that they had printed off the internet. Thankfully for them, Natasha, Sam, Clint, Tony and Pepper had all agreed to be outside source material for them to use in their project as they talked about different dynamics. Natasha had given them a few rules, and asked for their names to be changed, as did Tony and Pepper, but still, they were grateful to have input from other people. It helped broaden the scope of what they had from just their own limited experiences. Pepper and Tony had been together the longest out of their group of friends, and while their relationship wasn’t exclusively based in BDSM, they had enough of it in their relationship that it helped create a spectrum. 

Steve glanced away from his book and smiled over at Bucky, who flushed at being caught staring. Steve smirked and rolled onto his side, propping his head up on his hand, and yawned again, setting his book down.

“We should try to find a couple that’s not in our circle of friends.” Steve murmured as he grabbed a piece of paper and stuck it in the book to hold his spot.  
“Well everyone we actually know is in a relationship.” 

“That’s what I’m saying. We should try to find a, I guess couple for lack of a better term, that aren’t in a relationship. They just meet up with the other when they need to be taken care of.”

Bucky hummed, tucking his foot up under his thigh on the chair. “Did you have an idea of how you’d approach someone for that? I mean. Thanks to Fifty Shades the BDSM culture doesn’t have the best rep right now. People might be a little gun shy about being interviewed for a term paper.”

Steve rolled back onto his side and groaned. “Why. Why did that book have to be a thing?”

“I know it’s a great source of pain for you.” Bucky teased, throwing a wad of paper at Steve.

Steve growled, before sitting up and crossing his legs. He brushed his hand back through his bangs and looked over at Bucky. “Changing the subject.”

“Yes. Changing the subject.” Bucky smirked and held in a laugh as Steve gave him a deadpan stare.

Steve reached up and scratched his shoulder, fingers lingering on the scar there for a moment before looking down at the pile of notes in front of him.

Bucky tracked his movements, his own work forgotten as he stood and crossed over to Steve. Steve dropped his hands down into his lap and looked up at Bucky as he stood by the edge of the bed. 

“What’s up? You look like you’re thinking too hard.” Steve held his hand up for Bucky, waiting until Bucky put his hand in his and then pulled the other man gently to the bed.

“Just noticing something you do when you’re shirtless.” Bucky muttered, putting his hand flat on Steve’s chest above his heart.

Steve’s brows scrunched together, eyes dropping down to where Bucky’s eyes were. Steve’s hand came up slowly and covered Bucky’s.

“That’s a long story. And a sad one.” Steve whispered out, squeezing Bucky’s hand before dropping his own back into his lap, but not moving Bucky’s hand.

“You don’t have to?” Bucky whispered, pulling away a little.

Steve looked up and grabbed onto Bucky’s waist quickly, and held him so that he couldn’t pull away. “No. It’s just-“

“Nightmare material?” Bucky chuckled a little, no longer meeting Steve’s eyes.

“The reason that I moved, joined the military and when I say that Tasha is my only family, I mean it.”

Bucky’s eyes snapped back up to Steve’s and his mouth gaped in shock. “Wait. Steve.”

“Love and loss right?” Steve sighed, shifting back on Bucky’s bed so that his back was against the wall. He took a moment and gathered the various notebooks and piled them all into once spot so he could stretch his legs across the width of Bucky’s bed. “I’ll tell you how I got this scar. It’s not pretty. There’s another one right here,” Steve stretched his right arm above his head, pointing to one on the back of his arm that would be hidden when he put his arm down again. “And a few on my legs. They were all given to me by the same person.”

Bucky’s eyes tracked each place Steve pointed to, noticing how he skipped over some of his other scars in favor of the larger ones he had. “The others?”

“From being a reckless kid, or from when I was in the military. You know how much they love their obstacle courses.”

Bucky snorted. “Yeah. PT tests are shit.”

Steve held his arms open and Bucky pushed forward into Steve’s space, crawling forward on all fours until his head butted against Steve’s shoulder and Steve pulled him into his lap to cuddle with him. Bucky shifted so that his ass fell off to the side, but kept his legs across Steve’s thighs and slotted an arm around Steve’s waist to hug into his side, and keep his head on Steve’s shoulder.

“Are you sure?”

Steve hummed, eyes still staring out across the room. They were both quiet for a moment, Steve’s hands moved in a bit of restless energy. Finally Bucky laced his hand with the one hand of Steve’s he could reach, and brought his hand up to kiss his palm.

Steve blew out a breath and looked down at Bucky. “Okay. So. I lost both of my biological parents almost within a year of each other. My biological Dad was killed in a car accident when I was six, I don’t remember much about him to be honest, and my Mom was misdiagnosed by a doctor and ended up getting an infection when they were treating her; she caught pneumonia and died the winter after I turned seven. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any extended family who wanted me, or were willing to take me. So I ended up in the system. I remember my Mom being this kind woman, she was always smiling. But I’ve forgotten her voice. There aren’t any home videos, and a lot of the photos were lost when the agents packed up the apartment. Thankfully, one of them, I don’t remember who, I think it was a rookie at the time, saved one of the family albums, and made sure to keep it safe for me until I turned 18. That was a surprise to receive in the mail, let tell you.”

Steve ran his thumb over the back of Bucky’s hand, before taking a deep breath and continuing. “I wasn’t in the system for long, the first time. It was like six months, before this woman, god she was beautiful, came into the waiting room and asked if I liked ice cream. I remember my case worker always had his nose in a file. I hated the community home, the other kids picked on me for being so small.”

“Kids are fuckin mean.” Bucky hissed out, bringing Steve’s hand to his mouth and resting his lips across the knuckles, noticing some faint scaring there too.

“Yeah. They really are. Anyway, we went and got ice cream, she bought me the biggest scoop I’d ever seen in my entire seven years of living. Mint Chocolate Chip. It was my favorite at the time. I couldn’t get enough of it. She didn’t make me share, it was mine, ya know? She was constantly smiling at me, and telling me what a good boy I was. She asked how I felt about having a foster mom, and having my own room again. I was really eager to get out of the community home. So I said I’d like that very much. She visited me a lot over the next couple months, occasionally her husband would come with her, but he was always real busy working on something, and didn’t really pay attention to me much. Which was okay? Because, like she was giving me all this attention, and I was feeling important again for the first time since my Mom had died.”

Bucky cleared his throat and tilted his head up. “What was her name?”

“Alice.” Steve’s voice cracked over her name before he took a deep breath and continued. “The paperwork was finalized, and I went home with her four months later. It was a temporary situation, to see how well I adjusted and thrived before an adoption could be finalized. They were still doing paper work or something. I don’t know. It was just conditional? That’s what my case worker told me.” 

Steve sighed. 

“Things were great for a while Alice bought me new clothes for school. She would walk with me every morning, and come and pick me up after school. It was awesome. Her husband never warmed up to the idea of me though. At first, I just thought he was really strict. Like. Any toys I had were NOT to be left out, and if they were, I was scolded. I had chores that HAD to be done, and if they didn’t get accomplished, there would be consequences. If I scraped my knee or something while I was out playing…He was the kind of man that thought it was weak to cry. Would shake me and tell me to be more of a man. Stop crying. Men don’t cry.”

Bucky picked his head up off of Steve’s shoulder, a seed of dread growing in his chest.

“By the time I turned nine, the adoption was finalized, and I had been with them for a little over a year an a half. I had made some friends. But they weren’t ever allowed to come over. It never really struck me how weird that was until, one of the kids in my class named Billy showed up unannounced one day. He lived a few blocks over. Jim was pissed. I mean. I’d never seen him turn red so fast. Had I known what would happen after, I wouldn’t have asked to go outside and play. I was just so excited that one of my friends was over.”

“Wait. Steve. You got punished for being a kid?”

Steve snorted. “He tanned my hide until I couldn’t sit. Saying how disrespectful I’d been, and-“

Bucky leaned up and captured Steve’s lips, kissing him to stop the words. Steve brushed the hand that wasn’t holding Bucky’s back through his hair, touching their foreheads together after breaking the kiss apart.

“He lost his job a month later. And that’s when the drinking began, or well, I guess got worse. He’d gotten drunk a few times, and would yell at Alice or grab her and shake her. Alice would always send me to my room when this would happen. We’d spend the next few days at Alice’s mom’s house, or with a friend, until Jim came and apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again.”

Bucky whined, squeezing his eyes shut, his heart breaking as Steve continued.

“One night, it got really bad. Alice had sent me to my room with a PB&J sandwich and told me not to come out until she came and got me. She was really scared. Jim had been drinking, and was angry, and had started throwing shit. Throwing a tantrum. He was having a hard time finding a job that would keep him on longer than a few weeks.” Steve shook his head and sighed loudly. “I heard a loud crash, and some screaming, and then nothing. I hid in my closet, because that was the worst it had ever been. I must have fallen asleep, because the next morning, Alice came into my room, her lip was split, and she had a black eye, she got me up and dressed for school, and told me to be a brave little boy and we would go get ice cream after school when I got home. I walked to school with my friends that day.”

“Did you tell anyone when you got there?”

Steve smiled sadly, resting his cheek down on the top of Bucky’s head. “No. I was scared. I was afraid of the punishment that would come from spreading dirty laundry if Jim found out.”

Bucky resumed tracing his finger over the back of Steve’s hand, his bottom lip caught between his teeth as Steve continued.

“I walked home with some of my friends, like Alice had asked me to, and when I got home, I walked in quietly. There were two suitcases by the door, but the house was quiet. I took my shoes off at the door, and dropped my backpack next to the suitcases and walked into the kitchen. Alice was sitting at the table crying, her lip was bleeding again, and her shirt was ripped. I rushed to her side, and tried to get her to stop crying, asking if there as something that I could do. She just kept saying she was sorry. Her poor sweet boy. She was so sorry. Jim slamming a door somewhere else in the house scared the shit out of me and I jumped, and when I turned around, he was standing in the door way. He looked so mean, so angry.”

Bucky could feel the tears falling down his face, knew that they were dripping down onto Steve’s shoulder, and snuggled harder into Steve’s side. 

“He grabbed me and threw me against the wall. I saw stars my head connected so hard.”

“Fucking CHRIST.” Bucky sat up and looked at Steve.

“I slid down the wall, already starting to cry, and he marched over to me and grabbed my arm again, shaking me, yelling how men didn’t cry. That I was weak, and worthless.” Steve stopped for a moment, his hands shaking where they rested. “He’d never directly focused on me. Sure. He’d ‘disciplined’ me before. But this had become something else. He got me standing on my feet and told me to stay where I was. I was so scared, so I listened. He went back over to Alice and started screaming at her again. Think you’re gunna leave me? I’m the best good you’ll ever get woman. Shit like that. He’d slap her across the face, and continue screaming at her. She just sat there, and cried quietly. I think he’d forgotten about me, because he started throwing stuff. He threw a bottle, and it smashed next to me, and I must have made some sort of noise, because his attention was suddenly right back on me.”

“The scar is from him.”

“Yeah, it’s from him.” Steve’s voice is quiet, and monotone. Bucky could feel how rapidly Steve’s heart was beating, and he gently put his hand back over Steve’s heart. Steve finally glanced back up at Bucky, tears in his eyes.

“One of the neighbors heard Jim yelling, and called the cops. When the cops got there, and saw not only Alice bleeding, but me slouched down also bleeding on the kitchen floor and the absolute destruction throughout the house, Child Protective Services were called. They took me out of the home. Obviously. I cried for Alice. I wanted to see her. I was scared for her, and no one would let me see her.”

“Oh.” Bucky’s eyes widened. “Steve, did you ever get to see her?”

“She sought help from a battered women’s shelter, and was able to call me a few times. I was acting out, and getting into fights with the other kids who were picking on the younger kids. But Jim found her again, someone had opened their mouth where she was.” Steve’s voice broke. “He killed her in a drunken rage.”

Bucky’s face paled. “I. Fuck. I don’t even know what to say.”

Steve kissed the top of Bucky’s forehead, near his hair line. “I went back into the system. They tried sending me to other foster houses, but I always got sent back because I got into fights at school, or with kids in the neighborhoods. I got a really big chip on my shoulder about bullies, and I was very very pigheaded about what I thought was right. I wasn’t ever going to let someone else feel as helpless as what I’d felt.”

“You wanted to protect other people.”

“Yeah. So, when I got to high school, I was really rebellious. Hung out with the wrong kids, got picked up a couple times, had privileges taken away from me at the group house. Basically, I was working my way into a jail cell. My grades sucked, and I adamantly refused to talk to the counselors at school. The ones through the CPS, I always felt like they were judging me, or like I was just another way to waste time.”

Bucky let the silence hang for a moment, all that Steve had just shared with him sinking in. He felt a twang of guilt, having not shared much of his past with Steve before this point.

“That was all before my freshman year ended.” Steve curled his legs back towards his butt and shifted Bucky a little so that they could look each other in the eyes. “My dislike of bullies never went away. Beginning of Sophomore year, we hand guest speakers. Several of the recruiting offices sent people to talk about the military, and ROTC, the benefits from joining, what it could mean in the long run. It really struck a chord with me, but the kids I was hanging out with, laughed it off and thought it was a joke, and because I didn’t want to lose the only friends I had, I went along with it.”

Bucky listens to Steve breathe, knowing that he wasn’t done speaking, but his heart already hurt so much for Steve, and knowing that there was more made his chest ache further. Steve’s gentle touch on the side of his face drew him out of his thoughts. He blinked away a new batch of tears, only to have them brushed away from his face by Steve’s thumb. Steve placed a gentle kiss on Bucky’s lips.

“You don’t have to cry for me Buck. Yea, it was painful, and I do still have nightmares about it, but, having those hardships, having to go through that.” Steve offers him a small smile. “It’s made me who I am.”

Bucky leaned his head on to Steve’s hand and smiled a little sadly. “I can be sad about what happened to you, jerk, and still lo-really like the person you’ve become. Okay?”

Steve snorted out a small laugh. “Yeah, Buck. That’s okay. So I got kicked out of class one day like a month after the speakers came to the school. Arguing with the teacher. And I’m sitting in the office FULL of piss and vinegar, when Pepper walks out from behind the secretary’s pool. Now mind you, I’m still thinking I’m tough shit right? So I said something just crass, which thinking back on now, I’d fight myself for having said it. But she looked at me, with such little contempt and raised her perfectly arched eyebrow at me, you know the one she gives Tony when he’s said something COMPLETELY boneheaded - and she says to me completely deadpan, if you applied one ounce of the smarts you pretend you don’t have to anything you did, you’d get yourself further in life than sitting in the office every other class Steven Rogers. And then promptly stormed off. My mouth was gaping like a fish.”

“She mentioned that she knew you back in High School.” Bucky murmured.

“I ran into her a couple more times that week, and each time she just looked at me, like she was seeing something that I wasn’t.” Steve toyed with Bucky’s hand for a moment before leaning so that his head was resting against Bucky’s again. “I caught up with her after school one day, and asked if she could help me. I didn’t realize how lonely I was until she took me out for coffee and just sat and talked with me. She really helped me turn my life around, and I realized that I was going at ‘helping’ people the wrong way. I joined the JR ROTC club on campus, and actively started participating in school activities, got back into art, and theater, brought my grades up and pretty much overhauled my life in two months. Pepper was a great support system for that, and I started making more true friends. Got help from the counselors on campus, and realized that yea, bad things had happened to me, and I had every right to be hurt, but that I needed to move past those things.”

Steve traced his fingers down Bucky’s arm, pushing his sleeve up the other man’s arm and pushing his fingers down against Bucky’s wrist. 

“When that photo album appeared in the mail, there was a letter in the back of it, from my Mom. I guess that was the luckiest thing in all the world. That that agent had grabbed the right photo album to save for a heart broken little kid.” Steve sat up a little, and looked at Bucky fully, a small smile on his face. “Have courage, and be kind. There are a lot of people hurting in the world Stevie. Sometimes you have the great honor to be the brightness in their life. So take that chance. Take that chance and run. Above all else my beautiful boy, be kind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me over on tumblr @CaptBBarnes
> 
> A/N1- At the beginning of the chapter, two weeks have past since the last chapter. Please see end of chapter notes from chapter 14 for time line.


	16. An Update that isn't really an Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Checking in with you guys....

SO I've gotten two messages on tumblr (WHO EVER YOU ARE COME OFF ANON I WOULD LOVE TO TALK TO YOU) asking if this story is abandoned.

No. It's not. I legit just printed off the 200 pages (literal pages written. Not double space, 12pt font...This is the LONGEST story I've ever written) of story to go back through it and get the spark for this story going again. I have been dealing with horrid writers block, and been terribly depressed since I moved back in with my parents. My creative mojo HAS NOT been flowing for over a year. Even though I'd get occasional bursts of inspiration for this story, they were fleeting and never enough to finish a particular chapter.

SO. Know that this story is still being worked on. I am working to have an update for you soon. 

Seriously please come talk to me about this story? I would love to hear from you guys and the encouragement would be SUPER AWESOME. Maybe it'll wake some of my muses up. What questions do you have? Is there something you'd like to see. Just come talk to me.

I'm **CaptBBarnes** on tumblr. 

Anyway. I'm sorry there hasn't been a chapter update in a while. No it's not an abandoned story. Thanks for sticking with me.

 

Capt

ps- I'll likely delete this when I do post another update...SO if you see Chapter 16 again, it'll be with the new chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me over at tumblr @CaptBBarnes


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